Commandments to Help Us Change

What do you think of when someone starts talking about commandments? Ancient religion, perhaps? Of Moses carrying stone tablets off Mount Sinai or Pharisees squabbling over how many steps constitute a broken Sabbath? Does the projector in your mind play a scene from a life with a lot of parted hair, Jello desserts and time at home while everyone else is out having fun? Maybe hearing about commandments triggers a mental lecture you've given yourself at least ten thousand times or a dismissive rejection of what is only for the 'goodies' or what you feel you're already doing well enough already.

It shouldn't be a surprise that this post is going to be in favor of commandments. It may also be helpful to know that I have no intention of making anyone feel guilty. The truth is, my perception of what commandments are, and what living them looks like, would conjure up images like I mentioned above. Despite the best efforts of Sunday School teachers and religion classes, something about commandments just seems so Old Testament.

Over the last several years my perception has been changing, however. I've found that personal experiences and evidence in the scriptures can create a paradigm shift that allows us to see commandments as timeless, even modern or 'ahead of their time', and as patterns of good sense and a healthy, enjoyable lifestyle. I'll share at least some of what I mean by discussing two seemingly unrelated commandments: tithing and forgiving others.

One thing I've learned about commandments is that they're seldom really about the outward action. Take tithing. We've all read Malachi 3:10:

Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

The Lord has tithed his people in every dispensation. If you think for a moment about why, several logical answers come immediately to mind. Money from tithing supports the work-- it builds temples, subsidizes missionary efforts and protects the Church from the crippling effects of debt. The faith required to pay tithing strengthens the members and their commitment to the Church. Tithing also provides an opportunity for us to 'prove' that the Lord will keep his promises.

All of these are very good answers and our lives are surely blessed by stronger faith, buildings where we can meet and worship, and a testimony of God's integrity and consistency. Yet, at least in my own mind, there is an even better reason for tithing: the gift of giving.

I like the quote from Winston Churchill: 'We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give'. Everybody has someone in their lives that they would say is a 'giver'. In every way and through every day, these people give their time and talents to help those around them. Givers are generally cheerful, optimistic, and uplifting just to be around.

You also probably know someone that might be labeled a 'taker'. Even the mention of someone who is a taker makes most of us groan or sigh inside. You know who you'd rather be like and how you'd rather been seen by others: we want to be givers.

Arthur Brooks is an economist that has written several books on giving and happiness. One of his studies found that those who give more get more-- in that order. He explained in a speech given in 2009 that I highly recommend to everyone:

Specifically, here’s what I found. If you have two families that are exactly identical—in other words, same religion, same race, same number of kids, same town, same level of education, and everything’s the same—except that one family gives a hundred dollars more to charity than the second family, then the giving family will earn on average $375 more in income than the nongiving family—and that’s statistically attributable to the gift.

In addition, Brooks mentions other studies showing that people who give to charity are 43 percent more likely than people who don't give to say they're very happy people.  People who see others-- even strangers-- giving charitably see leadership qualities in the giver and almost cannot help themselves but to follow. Givers are more productive, have better health and are better citizens. They're better company in social situations and more likely to be promoted in business situations. It goes on and on.

The Lord doesn't need our money. He's much more interested in our exaltation and salvation (Moses 1:39). Tithing given willingly and selflessly changes our hearts. It helps us become like the 'givers' toward whom we all gravitate and around whom we are all uplifted. As our natures change-- as we become happier and more productive-- we will also be more successful. We will be able to achieve and have so much more than we otherwise could've it may seem there are blessings overflowing and pouring down from the windows of heaven. It doesn't get much more modern or more practical than that: giving is a strategy for prosperity.

There are many reasons to pay tithing. We are commanded to pay tithing, at least in part, because it changes who we are and prepares us to return to our Heavenly Father.

A second example that has shifted how I see commandments can be seen in the command to 'forgive all men'. The Lord directed Peter to forgive those that offend him, 'until seventy times seven', or as often as he is offended.

I learned a lot about forgiveness from James Rasband, the former dean of the law school at Brigham Young University. In October 2012, he explained to a group of students and faculty:

Why is it that we sometimes have trouble accepting the Atonement as recompense for the harms we suffer at others' hands? My experience is that we can sometimes forget that the Atonement has two sides. Usually, when we think about the Atonement we focus on how mercy can satisfy the demands that justice would impose upon us. We are typically quicker to accept the idea that when we sin and make mistakes the Atonement is available to pay our debts.

Forgiveness requires us to consider the other side of the Atonement--a side that we don't think about as often but that is equally critical. That side is the Atonement's power to satisfy our demands of justice against others, to fulfill our rights to restitution and being made whole... It heals us not only from the guilt we suffer when we sin, but it also heals us from the sins and hurts of others.

When others cause us harm, they take something from us that isn't theirs to take. It may be a physical item like a book or a borrowed shovel, but more often it is the peace in our lives, an opportunity for faith or inspiration, or time spent in worry or grief that could've otherwise been used to build relationships or provide for our families. Justice demands restitution.

A repentant offender may do all they can to restore what they have taken. Despite the best intentions, we all know from experience that sometimes an apology just doesn't make everything okay. Sometimes there is nothing that we can do to return what was lost.

And sometimes others hurt us on purpose. Sometimes others inject our lives with tragedy-- a broken heart or a broken home or the death of a family member-- and sometimes they're not sorry. Mercy requires that there be another way to make us whole again.

Forgiveness does not require us to give up our right to restitution. Mercy cannot rob justice. Forgiveness simply requires that we look to a different source to be made whole again. Though the offender may not have the ability or the desire to compensate us for what they have done to hurt us, the Atonement of Jesus Christ has the power to restore all that has been taken away from us. All that is asked of us is to have the faith to accept the restitution offered to us in this way.

The Lord taught, 'he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin' (D&C 64:9). Sin is a separation of man from God. When we refuse to forgive, we reject the Atonement that has satisfied the demands of justice for the offender as well for ourselves. We cut ourselves off from the mercy of God while, in a metaphorical sense, turning down the full payment on car repairs after an accident because the money is coming from an insurer rather than the driver of the other vehicle. Unable to meet the demands of justice without the Atonement in our lives, we are separated from God and unable to make further progress toward our ultimate goal of returning to live with Him.

Viewed in this way, the commandment to forgive becomes practical, common sense. It may still be difficult, but when applied in our lives we will be happier, healthier and more successful. Saying it that way almost makes it sound too good to be true, maybe even deserving of an infomercial, but my experience has been that it is really true. When I have forgiven others, particularly others who have committed the most grievous offenses against me, my life has been richer and more satisfying because the Lord has made me whole again. I have found greater joy because the process of forgiving others has helped me to become a better, more Christlike person with an enhance relationship with the divine and a larger capacity for compassion, empathy and happiness.

As my eyes are opened to what commandments really are and how they really can change my life, they're suddenly not just for the Old Testament anymore. They become practical, tangible solutions to life's problems and provide enormous aid toward my life goals. Like taking money advice from a very wealthy person, commandments are life advice from the God who created life, who created the plan of happiness, and who has journeyed to the summit of life and wants to tell us how to get there.

What is true of tithing and forgiveness is true of all other commandments. Consider for a moment how the discipline that comes with a sincere fast might change who we are and what we can accomplish. What humility or confidence might we gain from using the Sabbath to serve others? Researchers have begun compiling study after study reporting how our lives would be better if we consumed less violence, profanity and sexuality in the media. Other studies show the many benefits of learning patience, getting out of debt and learning to save money for the things we need and want.

Commandments, when adhered, take the person that we are and turn us into the more successful person we can become. They develop skills and traits and relationships that unite us with God and make us leaders among our peers. They build our faith and restore what we lose along life's journey. And yes, when we obey the commandments we may often find ourselves in places with a lot of parted hair and every kind of Jello dessert. The truth is, nothing could make us happier.

Determined Resolutions

At the beginning of the year, it is common for those interested in self-improvement to establish or reaffirm their resolve to do better. We set goals and make plans to reach those goals based on our feelings and impressions of how we're doing and where we'd like to be in the coming weeks, months and years.

The past several weeks we have put our plans into action. Some of us may have already reached a resolution or two, others may be well on their way, and still others of us may be struggling in our resolve to continue. The road to self-improvement is indeed hard, and it can be so easy to give up on our goals and "go with the flow".

The Book of Alma teaches us how we can be successful in our resolutions by contrasting two different groups and their approach to a similar challenge. That challenge was power-hungry Amalickiah, who sought to become king of the Lamanites and conquerer of the Nephites.

Both of the groups that faced Amalickiah had similar goals. They wanted to protect their families and their freedoms without shedding blood.

The first group was a group of Lamanites lead by a man named Lehonti. This group was "fixed in their minds with a determined resolution" that they would not go to war with the Nephites. This goal was in defiance of the king, but was borne of a desire to leave in peace with their families.

Despite their powerful resolutions, over time Lehonti began to compromise with Amalickiah until he gave in to a proposal to come down from the place of safety where his men had gathered. Through rationalization and compromise, Lehonti's resolve was washed away. He was conquered by his challenge, slowly poisoned to death, and his men were forced into the battle they were once determined not to enter (see Alma 47).

Another group faced the same challenge a short time later. This group was a Nephite group led by Captain Moroni. With the same objective, Moroni's approach aimed to help his men act rather than to be acted upon. Helaman records:

While Amalickiah had thus been obtaining power by fraud and deceit, Moroni, on the other hand, had been preparing the minds of the people to be faithful unto the Lord their God.

Yea, he had been strengthening the armies of the Nephites, and erecting small forts, or places of resort; throwing up banks of earth round about to enclose his armies, and also building walls of stone to encircle them about, round about their cities and the borders of their lands; yea, all round about the land.

And in their weakest fortifications he did place the greater number of men; and thus he did fortify and strengthen the land which was possessed by the Nephites.

And thus he was preparing to support their liberty, their lands, their wives, and their children, and their peace, and that they might live unto the Lord their God, and that they might maintain that which was called by their enemies the cause of the Christians (Alma 48:7-10).

Lehonti and his men approached the challenge from Amalickiah by retreating to a safe place, trusting in their resolve to preserve them. Thus, over time, difficult decisions led to their rationalization and eventual demise.

Moroni was actively preparing to meet Amalickiah and his armies spiritually, physically and, in later verses, mentally as well. In their preparations, they constructed barriers that would keep them safe and prevent Amalickiah from getting the best of them. Rather than allowing the event of Amalickiah's challenge to simply happen to them, the victim approach, they were ready to happen to Amalickiah, a much more assertive approach. Though the resulting war was long and very difficult for Moroni's men, because they were prepared they were ultimately triumphant.

As we approach the challenges in our own lives, we can choose to act, like Moroni, or to be acted upon, like Lehonti. Choosing to act means supplication for the help of heaven, diligent study to guide our decisions and consistent analysis of how we are doing to ensure our strategy is aligned with our strengths and weaknesses.

We will struggle to find success losing weight, for example, if we have no strategy to get back on track if our resolve softens in the presence of chocolate cake. We will find little success in coming closer to Christ without the guidance of His spirit. We will fail in our goals to be better parents, spouses and siblings if we have no knowledge of how to improve.

On the other hand, as we prepare our hearts and minds to act diligently toward the pursuit of forward progress, there is nothing on Earth that can stop us from achieving our righteous goals. Now is the time to evaluate our resolutions, prepare to be successful in them, and take the steps necessary to keep those promises to ourselves. As we do so, we can say with Moroni that,

This is [our] faith, that by so doing God would prosper [us] in the land... yea, warn [us] to flee, or to prepare for war, according to [our] danger; And also that God would make it known unto [us] whither [we] should go to defend [ourselves] against [our] enemies, and by so doing, the Lord would deliver [us] (Alma 48:15-16).

Reality Shows and a Change of Heart

Millions of Americans tune in each week to NBC's The Biggest Loser. The reality TV show pits overweight contestants against each other in a weightloss competition. The winner goes home with hundreds of pounds lost and hundreds of thousands of dollars gained as a victory prize.

Successful contestants on The Biggest Loser always have a moment they remember that fuels their success. They remember waking up or looking in the mirror or talking to their kids and suddenly feeling motivated or disgusted or desperate-- at that moment, they know they have to change. 

There is a similar moment for the successful callers on The Dave Ramsey Show. These people have usually paid off tens of thousands of dollars in relatively short periods of time through disciplined budgeting. These people call in to scream, "I'm debt free!" as a rite of the victorious over debt. Very often, these recent fiscal independents say their path began with a moment when they realized they had to make changes.

In either case, a change of heart about their weight or their money motivates radical changes in their lifestyle. You make know others who have quit smoking or overcome some other habit in similar fashion. Paraphrasing Elder Packer, we see in these instances where the change of heart changes behavior more quickly than the study of behavior would have changed those behaviors.

We can have similar changes of heart with respect to many aspects of our lives. One awakening moment may change our view on health, money, politics, family, food storage, family history or a host of similar possibilities.

Manoah's wife had such a change of heart in Judges 13. Though barren, when an angel appeared to her and told her she would have a son, she gave up alcohol and unclean foods so the boy could be the Nazarene that would deliver Israel from the Philistines, as promised by the angel. The boy would be named Samson.

When Jonah was swallowed by a whale, he changed his heart and agreed to preach to the people at Ninevah. Subsequently, Ninevah repented and was spared.

The Brother of Jared was chastized for three hours when he had not prayed for several years. A change of heart resulted, and the Brother of Jared turned to the Lord frequently thereafter, including his prayer to make sixteen stones glow inside their barges.

Whether regarding parenting, missionary work, prayer or other important doctrines, we can have changes of heart that convert us to single principles. Still other scriptural examples show that we can also have a change of heart with broader strokes.

Job was completely converted when the devil assailed all that he held dear. Alma the Younger and Paul the Apostle both had miraculous changes of heart, despite being bitter opponents to the gospel beforehand, through the visitations of angels. King Lamoni, his father and an entire generation of Lamanites dramatically changed their lives and lifestyles with the help of only a few powerful moments. There are many, many others.

Once these moments are experienced, it is critical that we remember them. Laman and Lemuel also saw angels and changed their behavior, but slipped back into poor habits quickly. Yet Amulek remembered, and sustained beatings, the massacre of many of his people and the interrogation of men who wanted to kill him-- all on the strength he gained by remembering the change of heart he had when an angel asked him to feed the prophet.

We can also have a change of heart. Alma teaches that such a change will loosen the chains of hell, expand our souls and allow us to sing redeeming love (Alma 5:9). That kind of change will come by the word of God. Alma reminded:

"[Abinadi] preached the word unto your fathers, and a mighty change was also wrought in their hearts" (Alma 5:13).

It was similar for King Lamoni:

"And it came to pass that when Ammon arose he also administered unto them... and they did all declare unto the people the selfsame thing—that their hearts had been changed; that they had no more desire to do evil" (Alma 19:33).

Again, for King Benjamin's people following his sermon:

"And they all cried with one voice, saying: Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually."
It is the same for us. As we study the scriptures, the teachings of the modern prophets and the inspired words of our local teachers and leaders, we will also experience a change of heart. We can eliminate our desire for evil that binds us down with the chains of hell and instead expand our souls with songs of redeeming love.
 
Like contestants on The Biggest Loser or listeners of The Dave Ramsey Show, we can be victorious over the obstacles in our path as we allow a change of heart to motivate us to righteous action. May each of us then seek to find and to follow a change of heart that will turn our lives to Christ and allow us to be saved in the kingdom of our Heavenly Father.