The Gift of Repentance

Early one morning, as Christ was teaching in the temple, a group of Jewish rulers approached. Their intentions were sinister. Introducing a woman taken “in the very act” of adultery, the rulers asked, "Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?” (John 8:5).

The rulers' question was carefully conceived to trap Jesus between his own teachings about mercy and the law of Moses. He would have no choice, the rulers must have thought, but to contradict himself or defy the law of Moses. Either way, Christ's fraud would be exposed and the rulers could restore their own power and influence over the people.

Unbound by the limited options he was presented, Christ the Lawgiver responded: "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her" (John 8:7).

This was more than a general admonition. Under Jewish law, the first witness to an offense was required to throw or cast the first stone at an offender. Adultery is not a sin that can be committed alone. Christ, the Eternal Judge of both quick and dead (Moroni 10:34, Acts 10:42), was calling out the rulers' hypocrisy: they claimed to be defenders of pure religion and yet they had allowed, or perhaps even enticed, a woman to sin at the peril of her own life. And though the rulers were focused on the sin of the woman, Christ knew she was not the only guilty party present.

With the spotlight shifted from the woman to the witness, the rulers abandoned the scene and left Christ alone with the victim of their unsuccessful scheme. After a moment, and seeing that they were alone, Christ addressed the woman with respect, saying, "Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more" (John 8:10-11).

Like the woman taken in adultery, each of us have "sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). We sin when we think, speak or act contrary to the commandments of God. King Benjamin taught that “there are divers ways and means [to sin], even so many that I cannot number them” (Mosiah 4:29), therefore we must “watch ourselves” and our thoughts, words and deeds.

It is useful to remember that sins and mistakes are not the same. The Doctrine and Covenants clearly differentiates between sin or transgression and mistakes, errors or being "overtaken in a fault" (D&C 20:80). Mistakes, like crossing the street without looking or forgetting to turn off a burner on the stove, may have serious consequences. Supporting errant political philosophies, over-trimming a spouse's favorite shrub or sending a work report to the wrong person, if done with the best of intentions, are all mistakes rather than sins. Some mistakes may lead us to sin. Yet, we do not need to feel guilty for our mistakes. The remedy for our errors and weakness is learning and correction (D&C 1:25, 27).

Sins are the result of willful disobedience of laws we have learned through the scriptures, the teachings of prophets, or the Spirit, known colloquially as our conscience, which teaches all of us what is right and wrong (John 14:26). However watchful we may be, in our "lost and fallen state" (1 Nephi 10:6) we will sometimes fall into Satan's sinful traps or choose to do something contrary to God's commandments. When we do, our sins bring anguish and lingering remorse to our soul. They make us unclean and unworthy to return and dwell in the presence of our Heavenly Father (Repentance. churchofjesuschrist.org).

Though we revere Nephi as a prophet, he also lamented his sins. "Notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord," he wrote, "my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins" (2 Nephi 4:17-19).

Nephi found solace through faith in Christ and faith-filled repentance. "If the Lord... hath visited men in so much mercy," he reasoned, "why should my heart weep... because of mine afflictions? And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh?... Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul... Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness" (2 Nephi 4:26-35).

Nephi understood that forgiveness of sin is always a gift given through the grace of Christ. We do not ever deserve to be forgiven. We are not entitled to it, nor can we earn it by our good deeds or following a step-by-step repentance formula.

Even so, the Lord does not want to condemn us. He is anxious to advance our learning and happiness. He taught the Nephites, "I have given you the law and the commandments of my Father, that ye shall believe in me, and that ye shall repent of your sins, and come unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit... Therefore, come unto me and be saved." (3 Nephi 12:19-20).

Consider again the story of the woman taken in adultery. She must have felt completely humiliated. Disgraced and ashamed, she was thrust before the Lord to await his judgement. The Lord responded with mercy. He dismissed her accusers and removed the condemnation of the law with an admonition to, "go, and sin no more."

Our sins may be less public, and we may not be compelled to take our guilt and shame to the Lord, but genuine repentance can remove the condemnation of God's eternal law and provide lasting relief from anguish and remorse. It can also deepen our resolve to "sin no more" and abide in the presence of God.

In contrast, the ruler taken in adultery received no such blessing. He was condemned of the Lord and fled from his presence. Rather than confess his sin, he sought to exempt himself from the law and destroy the lawgiver. He self-righteously lived by his own judgement and so was compelled to deal with the consequences of his sin alone. For him there was no relief from guilt or shame.

We should not have to be compelled to repent in humility. King Benjamin taught that we should review our thoughts, words and actions regularly and be honest with ourselves and with God when we have sinned. If we are striving to follow Christ, recognizing the sins we have committed will lead to “godly sorrow,” which “worketh repentance to salvation” (2 Corinthians 7:10). Godly sorrow does not come from fear of punishment or disappointment with the natural consequences of sin, but rather because our behavior has displeased our Heavenly Father and our Savior. When we experience godly sorrow, we have a sincere desire to change and we are willing to submit to every requirement the Lord may give us to be forgiven.

Amulek invited those who had sinned to, “begin to exercise your faith unto repentance, that ye begin to call upon his holy name, that he would have mercy upon you” (Alma 34:17). As our sin is the result of our own pride and following our own will, the first requirement to overcome sin will often be to turn to our Heavenly Father, pray in faith, and act as He directs. We can only be forgiven on His terms. When we gratefully recognize our Savior, Jesus Christ, and His Atonement, and strive to do His will, He will begin to bless us with strength and healing.

Our desire to be forgiven will be apparent when we are willing to fully disclose to our Heavenly Father what we have done. "By this ye may know if a man [or woman] repenteth of his [or her] sins," the Lord has said, "behold, he [or she] will confess them and forsake them" (D&C 58:43). Our prayer of faith must include a confession of our shame and guilt as we humbly plead for divine help.

While only the Lord can forgive sins, some serious transgressions, such as violations of the law of chastity, need to be confessed to both the Lord and a priesthood leader like a bishop or stake president. Elder C. Scott Grow taught that when our sins make us feel “guilty, unsettled, unhappy, or even miserable,” we probably need to talk with our bishop. If we feel the spirit prompting us to go to our bishop, we should not try to excuse ourselves or rationalize our way out. Just as Christ helped the woman taken in adultery to repent rather than condemning her, a bishop's role is to help God's children access the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, to relay His love for us, and to serve as the Lord’s messenger of mercy while working with us to get back to the path that leads to Him.

Along with confession of sin, the Lord requires us to forsake them. We should do everything in our power to restore property or reputations we may have damaged, including rebuilding trust or faith in ourselves. We will certainly need to forgive ourselves and exercise kindness and mercy as we hold ourselves accountable. We can then resolve never to repeat our sin and avoid people, places and situations that may compromise that resolve. We cannot linger in temptation and expect to remain clean from sin.

Instead, we must fill our lives with righteousness and engage in activities, like daily scripture study, prayer and fasting, that bring spiritual power. We must strive to be obedient to all of the commandments of God, including things like paying tithing, serving others, attending our church meetings, and forgiving those who have offended us. Some of these may not seem directly related to our sin, but the Lord has taught that “he [or she] that repents and does the commandments of the Lord shall be forgiven” (D&C 1:32, emphasis added).

These actions are not a magic formula, but principles that govern or are generally present when we sincerely repent. The Lord may give us more personal direction as we go to him in prayer.

Christ, the Lawgiver and Eternal Judge, is bound by the covenants and promises he has given us (D&C 82:10). One of those sacred promises is that “he [or she] who has repented of his [or her] sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more” (D&C 58:42). When we are striving to do all we can, the Lord will make us clean and sanctify us by the Holy Ghost. We can know that we have been forgiven of our sin when we experience the fruits of that Spirit: love, joy, peace, goodness, meekness, temperance, faith, and relief from guilt and anguish (Galatians 5:22-23).

King Benjamin invited his listeners to, “believe that ye must repent of your sins and forsake them, and humble yourselves before God; and ask in sincerity of heart that he would forgive you; and now, if you believe all these things see that ye do them” (Mosiah 4:10). The Lord extends the same invitation to those who would receive the gift of repentance: "go, and sin no more."

His Hand is Stretched Out Still

The Israelites of the Old Testament were almost constantly in a heap of trouble. On one occasion in the Book of Isaiah, the Lord gave a long laundry list of their grievances against Him. The Israelites were chastised for turning away from God, following leaders that had caused them to err, lying, hypocrisy, denying help to the poor, fighting unnecessary wars, selfishness and pride. It's a shameful list that may seem more familiar to you or I than we'd like to admit.

After each verse of accusations in this particular part of Isaiah, the Lord repeats the same warning coupled with a merciful invitation. "For all this [my] anger is not turned away, but [my] hand is stretched out still" (Isaiah 9).

Each of us, like the Israelites of Old, have committed offenses against God for which there must be consequences. In the words of the apostle Paul, "All have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). Trailing our offenses is a warning: "For I the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance." Mercifully, the Lord continues, "Nevertheless, he that repents and does the commandments of the Lord shall be forgiven" (D&C 1:31-32).

Whatever sins we may have committed, whatever pain we may be carrying in our hearts, or however lost we may sometimes feel, the Lord's hand is stretched out still. He promises there is still hope for us and that he will be there to lift us up if we will just keep trying.

This is possible because of the infinite and eternal Atonement of Jesus Christ, which includes his suffering in Gethsemane, his death on the cross and his glorious resurrection. Amulek, a great missionary in ancient America, taught:

For it is expedient that an atonement should be made; for according to the great plan of the Eternal God there must be an atonement made, or else all mankind must unavoidably perish; yea, all are hardened; yea, all are fallen and are lost, and must perish except it be through the atonement which it is expedient should be made.

For it is expedient that there should be a great and last sacrifice; yea, not a sacrifice of man, neither of beast, neither of any manner of fowl; for it shall not be a human sacrifice; but it must be an infinite and eternal sacrifice...

And behold, this is the whole meaning of the law, every whit pointing to that great and last sacrifice; and that great and last sacrifice will be the Son of God, yea, infinite and eternal.

And thus he shall bring salvation to all those who shall believe on his name; this being the intent of this last sacrifice, to bring about the bowels of mercy, which overpowereth justice, and bringeth about means unto men that they may have faith unto repentance. And thus mercy can satisfy the demands of justice, and encircles them in the arms of safety" (Alma 34:9, 10, 14-16).

An infinite number is one without limits that cannot be detracted from or added upon. Likewise, eternity is an unbound measure of time expanding indefinitely into future and past. Therefore, an infinite and eternal atonement is an unlimited offering on our behalf. Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, there is no sin that cannot be forgiven, no wound that cannot be healed, no weakness that cannot be made into a strength, no past that cannot have meaning and no future without hope.

President Boyd K. Packer shared an illustration of this principle at a leadership training held a few months before he died. He said that he had searched backward throughout his lifetime, looking for evidence of the sins that he had committed and sincerely repented. He could could find no trace of them. Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and through sincere repentance, his sins were completely gone as if they had never happened (Reeves, Linda. The Great Plan of Redemption. Ensign. November 2016.).

Sometimes we all find ourselves in a shameful heap. For those things we do that offend God, his anger is not turned away. He has a zero tolerance policy for sin. Justice must be satisfied.

Yet, because he longs to help you and I return to his presence, his arm is stretched out still. The Son of God died so that we can try again. He atoned for our sins, our afflictions, our sorrows and our weaknesses to meet justice's demands and heal the scars on our souls, regardless of their size or how long they have been there. If we will repent and follow his commandments, it will one day be as if we had never been scarred at all.

Commandments to Help Us Change

What do you think of when someone starts talking about commandments? Ancient religion, perhaps? Of Moses carrying stone tablets off Mount Sinai or Pharisees squabbling over how many steps constitute a broken Sabbath? Does the projector in your mind play a scene from a life with a lot of parted hair, Jello desserts and time at home while everyone else is out having fun? Maybe hearing about commandments triggers a mental lecture you've given yourself at least ten thousand times or a dismissive rejection of what is only for the 'goodies' or what you feel you're already doing well enough already.

It shouldn't be a surprise that this post is going to be in favor of commandments. It may also be helpful to know that I have no intention of making anyone feel guilty. The truth is, my perception of what commandments are, and what living them looks like, would conjure up images like I mentioned above. Despite the best efforts of Sunday School teachers and religion classes, something about commandments just seems so Old Testament.

Over the last several years my perception has been changing, however. I've found that personal experiences and evidence in the scriptures can create a paradigm shift that allows us to see commandments as timeless, even modern or 'ahead of their time', and as patterns of good sense and a healthy, enjoyable lifestyle. I'll share at least some of what I mean by discussing two seemingly unrelated commandments: tithing and forgiving others.

One thing I've learned about commandments is that they're seldom really about the outward action. Take tithing. We've all read Malachi 3:10:

Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

The Lord has tithed his people in every dispensation. If you think for a moment about why, several logical answers come immediately to mind. Money from tithing supports the work-- it builds temples, subsidizes missionary efforts and protects the Church from the crippling effects of debt. The faith required to pay tithing strengthens the members and their commitment to the Church. Tithing also provides an opportunity for us to 'prove' that the Lord will keep his promises.

All of these are very good answers and our lives are surely blessed by stronger faith, buildings where we can meet and worship, and a testimony of God's integrity and consistency. Yet, at least in my own mind, there is an even better reason for tithing: the gift of giving.

I like the quote from Winston Churchill: 'We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give'. Everybody has someone in their lives that they would say is a 'giver'. In every way and through every day, these people give their time and talents to help those around them. Givers are generally cheerful, optimistic, and uplifting just to be around.

You also probably know someone that might be labeled a 'taker'. Even the mention of someone who is a taker makes most of us groan or sigh inside. You know who you'd rather be like and how you'd rather been seen by others: we want to be givers.

Arthur Brooks is an economist that has written several books on giving and happiness. One of his studies found that those who give more get more-- in that order. He explained in a speech given in 2009 that I highly recommend to everyone:

Specifically, here’s what I found. If you have two families that are exactly identical—in other words, same religion, same race, same number of kids, same town, same level of education, and everything’s the same—except that one family gives a hundred dollars more to charity than the second family, then the giving family will earn on average $375 more in income than the nongiving family—and that’s statistically attributable to the gift.

In addition, Brooks mentions other studies showing that people who give to charity are 43 percent more likely than people who don't give to say they're very happy people.  People who see others-- even strangers-- giving charitably see leadership qualities in the giver and almost cannot help themselves but to follow. Givers are more productive, have better health and are better citizens. They're better company in social situations and more likely to be promoted in business situations. It goes on and on.

The Lord doesn't need our money. He's much more interested in our exaltation and salvation (Moses 1:39). Tithing given willingly and selflessly changes our hearts. It helps us become like the 'givers' toward whom we all gravitate and around whom we are all uplifted. As our natures change-- as we become happier and more productive-- we will also be more successful. We will be able to achieve and have so much more than we otherwise could've it may seem there are blessings overflowing and pouring down from the windows of heaven. It doesn't get much more modern or more practical than that: giving is a strategy for prosperity.

There are many reasons to pay tithing. We are commanded to pay tithing, at least in part, because it changes who we are and prepares us to return to our Heavenly Father.

A second example that has shifted how I see commandments can be seen in the command to 'forgive all men'. The Lord directed Peter to forgive those that offend him, 'until seventy times seven', or as often as he is offended.

I learned a lot about forgiveness from James Rasband, the former dean of the law school at Brigham Young University. In October 2012, he explained to a group of students and faculty:

Why is it that we sometimes have trouble accepting the Atonement as recompense for the harms we suffer at others' hands? My experience is that we can sometimes forget that the Atonement has two sides. Usually, when we think about the Atonement we focus on how mercy can satisfy the demands that justice would impose upon us. We are typically quicker to accept the idea that when we sin and make mistakes the Atonement is available to pay our debts.

Forgiveness requires us to consider the other side of the Atonement--a side that we don't think about as often but that is equally critical. That side is the Atonement's power to satisfy our demands of justice against others, to fulfill our rights to restitution and being made whole... It heals us not only from the guilt we suffer when we sin, but it also heals us from the sins and hurts of others.

When others cause us harm, they take something from us that isn't theirs to take. It may be a physical item like a book or a borrowed shovel, but more often it is the peace in our lives, an opportunity for faith or inspiration, or time spent in worry or grief that could've otherwise been used to build relationships or provide for our families. Justice demands restitution.

A repentant offender may do all they can to restore what they have taken. Despite the best intentions, we all know from experience that sometimes an apology just doesn't make everything okay. Sometimes there is nothing that we can do to return what was lost.

And sometimes others hurt us on purpose. Sometimes others inject our lives with tragedy-- a broken heart or a broken home or the death of a family member-- and sometimes they're not sorry. Mercy requires that there be another way to make us whole again.

Forgiveness does not require us to give up our right to restitution. Mercy cannot rob justice. Forgiveness simply requires that we look to a different source to be made whole again. Though the offender may not have the ability or the desire to compensate us for what they have done to hurt us, the Atonement of Jesus Christ has the power to restore all that has been taken away from us. All that is asked of us is to have the faith to accept the restitution offered to us in this way.

The Lord taught, 'he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin' (D&C 64:9). Sin is a separation of man from God. When we refuse to forgive, we reject the Atonement that has satisfied the demands of justice for the offender as well for ourselves. We cut ourselves off from the mercy of God while, in a metaphorical sense, turning down the full payment on car repairs after an accident because the money is coming from an insurer rather than the driver of the other vehicle. Unable to meet the demands of justice without the Atonement in our lives, we are separated from God and unable to make further progress toward our ultimate goal of returning to live with Him.

Viewed in this way, the commandment to forgive becomes practical, common sense. It may still be difficult, but when applied in our lives we will be happier, healthier and more successful. Saying it that way almost makes it sound too good to be true, maybe even deserving of an infomercial, but my experience has been that it is really true. When I have forgiven others, particularly others who have committed the most grievous offenses against me, my life has been richer and more satisfying because the Lord has made me whole again. I have found greater joy because the process of forgiving others has helped me to become a better, more Christlike person with an enhance relationship with the divine and a larger capacity for compassion, empathy and happiness.

As my eyes are opened to what commandments really are and how they really can change my life, they're suddenly not just for the Old Testament anymore. They become practical, tangible solutions to life's problems and provide enormous aid toward my life goals. Like taking money advice from a very wealthy person, commandments are life advice from the God who created life, who created the plan of happiness, and who has journeyed to the summit of life and wants to tell us how to get there.

What is true of tithing and forgiveness is true of all other commandments. Consider for a moment how the discipline that comes with a sincere fast might change who we are and what we can accomplish. What humility or confidence might we gain from using the Sabbath to serve others? Researchers have begun compiling study after study reporting how our lives would be better if we consumed less violence, profanity and sexuality in the media. Other studies show the many benefits of learning patience, getting out of debt and learning to save money for the things we need and want.

Commandments, when adhered, take the person that we are and turn us into the more successful person we can become. They develop skills and traits and relationships that unite us with God and make us leaders among our peers. They build our faith and restore what we lose along life's journey. And yes, when we obey the commandments we may often find ourselves in places with a lot of parted hair and every kind of Jello dessert. The truth is, nothing could make us happier.

As I Have Loved You

The scriptures tell us that 'God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son' (John 3:16). This divine gift made possible the resurrection of mankind and the salvation of the faithful. We are taught by the Savior that we may 'come unto him' and be perfected, allowing us to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father, if we will exercise faith, repent, be baptized by immersion for the remission of sins, receive the gift of the Holy Ghost and endure to the end.

As a part of our baptismal covenant we make with God, we promise to be willing to keep his commandments. It was this topic that brought an inquiring lawyer to Christ in Matthew 22. 'Master,' he asked, 'which is the great commandment in the law?'

Jesus answered, 'Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets' (Matthew 22:36-40).

Love of God is a natural result of obedience and sincere seeking. Christ taught, 'If ye love me, keep my commandments' (John 14:15) . As we pray and study the scriptures our desires change, our behaviors follow, and we learn to love God and the fruits of obedience.

Our obligation to our fellow man can sometimes seem much more complicated, despite being extremely well outlined in scripture. Consider this familiar passage from the Sermon on the Mount:

Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;  That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven (Matthew 5:38-45).

Other scriptures invite us to 'forgive men their trespasses', 'judge not' and treat others how we would like to be treated. Christ explained our obligation to our fellow man this way:

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another (John 13:34-35).

Though we understand the principle generally, we all fail from time to time in our efforts to love one another as broadly and as genuinely as the Lord requires of us. Each of us behaves at times as though loving others is just one of the ways we should treat others instead of the only way.

The truth is that God has never given us permission to get angry at a bad driver, make fun of another person's mistake or roll our eyes at the lady holding up the grocery store line with a big stack of coupons. We are not called to keep order in the universe through micromanaging, controlling or intimidating others to do what we want. Nor is the Lord pleased when we are harsh, critical, sarcastic, patronizing, scolding or negative in any way to our brothers and sisters with whom we share our time on earth.

Even the best intentions cannot justify these behaviors. Elder H. Burke Peterson once explained it this way, referring to criticism specifically:

I personally have a hard time with people who say they believe in constructive criticism. My experience does not lead me to believe there is such a thing. My point of view is that criticism has a connotation that does not come from above. I think it is important to note that correction is different from criticism. The Lord discussed correction in his revelation to the Prophet Joseph Smith. He emphasized that any corrections are to be performed when 'moved upon by the Holy Ghost.' If we are inspired to chastise, however, the Lord insists that there be 'an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy.'

Criticism is more judgment-oriented than correction, and most of us do not have sufficient knowledge to be critical of others--especially of a spouse and children who are still growing and developing as we are ('Eternal Companions:Advice from LDS Counselors and Educators on Building a Forever Marriage', 4).

So the Lord warns us that it is the 'nature and disposition of almost all men', and it's not a stretch to include many women here also, to 'exercise unrighteous dominion' at every opportunity. That reminder of our natural shortcomings is followed by this profound doctrine referenced by Elder Peterson:

No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile-- Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy (D&C 121:39-43).

These verses teach us again that we we should treat those around us with kindness, gentleness, meekness and sincerity-- or, in other words, with love. This is the second great commandment behind loving God.

Loving others doesn't mean the world will seem like springtime all the time. Sometimes love means correcting or teaching those for whom we have stewardship just as God chastises those whom he loves. Sometimes love means we will ache as we allow our loved ones use their agency, especially when mistakes seem to us like they could have been avoided or prevented.

Sometimes our loved ones may not appreciate how we show our love or may feel that we cannot love them without also accepting their wrong or sinful behaviors. We don't ever have to compromise gospel standards to have love for those who may not share the same ideals-- it is God who gives us love, after all. If we have genuine love for others, we will love them as Christ loves us. We will be patient and kind. We will disagree and even correct, where appropriate, without becoming hostile.

What matters in the end is whether we have been striving to keep the commandments to love God and love our fellow man. As we dedicate our hearts, minds and strength to this effort, let us consider how well we love those around us. Can our spouse feel our love by the way we treat them? Do we allow love to guide our parenting instead of our own preferences, convenience and comfort? Do our coworkers enjoy being around us because of the way they are treated? Are those we do not yet know pleased to meet us because of the way we make them feel?

God gave his Only Begotten because he loves us. His gift makes it possible to inherit all that he has. He asks in return that we strive to be like him-- to love others as he loves them, not as only one way we can treat them but as the only way. As we obey the command to love our fellow man, we will also find that our love of God will increase and we will become true disciples.

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

Family Disputes in Scripture

In his most recent General Conference address, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf helped us all understand a little more of what the gospel says about strained family relationships. He titled his remarks, "The Merciful Obtain Mercy", intended to remind us all that "with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again."

The scriptures, as always, include instructions on how to respond to strain and pressure on our family relationships. They teach us that these struggles are as old as time itself: Lucifer rebelled against God and divided our premortal family; Cain slew his brother, Abel, in the earliest years of human existence. The root causes of these and other family disputes-- pride, envy, lust for power and others-- are a part of our human natures; the scriptures remind us that our challenge is to put off the natural man and become a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord (Mosiah 3:19).

One particularly instructive example is the Old Testament story of Joseph. Joseph was the favorite son of his father and was blessed with the spiritual gifts to have and interpret dreams. Some of his dreams prophesied that his family would one day make obeisance to him. Joseph's brothers became angry with what they saw as Joseph's haughtiness and favored treatment from their father. Some of his brothers wanted to kill him. Reuben and Judah convinced their brothers to spare Joseph's life and sell him to a caravan instead.

Joseph spent several years as a slave and as a prisoner because of his brothers' actions. When Joseph encounters his brothers again in Egypt there were anxious moments. At first, Joseph didn't want his brothers to recognize him. Now in a position of power, Joseph was in a position to exact revenge on his brothers if he desired. He could've sent them to prison, sold them as slaves or had them killed. Instead, Joseph orchestrated the reunion of the entire family and saved their lives by providing much-needed grain in a terrible drought.

Nephi also experienced contention in his family. His brothers, Laman and Lemuel, beat him with a rod, tied him up and tried to kill him on more than one occasion. Nephi's in-laws were prone to complaining and sometimes helped Laman and Lemuel attack their brother, Nephi. Even Nephi's dad, a prophet of God, complained against Nephi to the point that he must be severely chastised.

As with Joseph, Nephi surely had some anxious family moments. Before his brothers attempted murder, there were surely disagreements and fights just as in Joseph's family. Nephi and Joseph chose to forgive, even when their offending brethren were unrepentant. In Nephi's case, he eventually had to move his family away from his violent and dangerous brothers. His story doesn't have the happy ending that Joseph's does. But in each case, the Lord used the trials to the benefit of those willing to forgive-- and as a testament against those who persecuted them. Joseph became an overseer in Egypt and the birthright son of his father, Israel. Nephi prospered in the promised land as a prophet and king.

In our families, we are likely to experience strain on our family relationships like Joseph and Nephi did. We may not see the resolution to these disputes that we would like, just as Nephi was unable to persuade his brothers to be humble and seek after righteousness. Sometimes divorce, separation or muted lines of communication will happen or even must happen to protect our families.As we choose to forgive anyway, we will experience what President Uchtdorf explained in his address:

The more we allow the love of God to govern our minds and emotions—the more we allow our love for our Heavenly Father to swell within our hearts—the easier it is to love others with the pure love of Christ. As we open our hearts to the glowing dawn of the love of God, the darkness and cold of animosity and envy will eventually fade...

People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. In this mortal life it will always be that way.

Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord’s way.

He concluded with a challenge that would be good for each of us to observe:

Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive.

Lay your burden at the Savior’s feet. Let go of judgment. Allow Christ’s Atonement to change and heal your heart. Love one another. Forgive one another.