Love and Selfies

We live in the Age of the Selfie. We take pictures of ourselves with friends and landmarks, still in bed, at the gym, at restaurants and even in the bathroom. Social media sees our feet at the beach or by the pool, close ups of our eyes or the weird thing growing on our nose and what we look like with duck lips or too much makeup or after a rough day. Sometimes we even take selfies of ourselves taking selfies. Not even Woody can resist that. It's a phenomenon that can be a lot of fun, allows us to explore our identities, and helps us feel like we belong.

The Age of the Selfie is also part of a much larger movement that we could call the Age of the Self. We are more interested than ever in ourselves and "taking care of number one." There are certainly situations and individual circumstances where more attention to one's self is needed; but too often a preoccupation with ourselves leads us to poor decisions that hinder our progress and can even become destructive.

President Uchtdorf has taught:

Naturally, we all have a desire for recognition, and there is nothing wrong with relaxing and enjoying ourselves. But when seeking the 'gain and praise of the world' is a central part of our motivation, we will miss the redemptive and joyful experiences that come when we give generously of ourselves to the work of the Lord.

Ironically, and tragically, one kind of joyful experience we forfeit when we are preoccupied with ourselves is the opportunity to learn more about who we really are. President Hinckley has stated that "Nobody can live fully and happily who lives only unto himself or herself... It is as we serve, as we take the time to express interest and concern in someone other than ourselves, that we are more likely to gain a glimpse of who we really are and what we can ultimately become" (Standing for Something, 2000).

Christ taught that "Whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it." In our own time, "one of the greatest challenges we face in our hurried, self-centered lives is to follow this counsel of the Master, to take the time and make the effort to care for others, to develop and exercise the one quality that would enable us to change the lives of others-- what the scriptures call charity" (Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something, 2000).

When we are focused only on ourselves, we miss out on the joyful experience of giving and receiving real love and acceptance. President Uchtdorf expounded:

Those who wholeheartedly turn their lives over to our Savior and serve God and their fellowman discover a richness and fulness to life that the selfish or egotistic will never experience. The unselfish give of themselves. These may be small gifts of charity that have a grand impact for good: a smile, a handshake, a hug, time spent in listening, a soft word of encouragement, or a gesture of caring. All these acts of kindness can change hearts and lives. When we take advantage of the unlimited opportunities to love and serve our fellowmen, including our spouse and family, our capacity to love God and to serve others will greatly increase.

The opposite is also true: those who are preoccupied with their own image and pleasure find life increasingly void of meaning and their capacity to love God, themselves and others diminishes. Predictably, in most cases, these individuals will respond to the fading vibrancy of life with yet more selfish decisions in attempt to resuscitate their own feelings, further constricting their view and numbing their emotions with each unsatisfying Facebook post, workout, carbohydrate binge or illicit and loveless relationship. In seeking to save their own lives, they will lose it.

This appeared to be what was happening last week with a young teenager in my church congregation that decided to skip the final hour of church to sit on the couch in the lobby and play her tablet because it was more fun. As I sat on the couch across from her, more than a dozen separate individuals approached her and invited her to return to her class. They offered hugs and words of encouragement. They offered a listening ear and open hearts. Each time, the young woman would reject the love she was being shown and complained about those who had "wasted her time" and then also complained that nobody at church seemed to care about her. She could not see the outpouring of love that I had witnessed, even though she had been the intended recipient.

Compare that experience with the story Edith Cavell, a British nurse in World War I. She had trained in London before becoming the matron of a nursing school in Belgium in 1907 and launching that nation's first professional nursing journal in 1910. By the end of 1911, Edith was a training nurse for three hospitals, 24 schools and 13 kindergartens.

When war broke out in 1914, Edith's clinic and nursing school were taken over by the Red Cross and she began a relentless effort to treat the wounded. By November 1914, Germany had occupied Belgium. When asked why she treated the German soldiers as well as the British and French, Edith responded simply, "I can't stop while there are lives to be saved."

"Patriotism is not enough," she explained further on another occasion. "I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone." Edith began hiding Allied soldiers and helping them escape to the neutral Netherlands. She was arrested in August 1915 after one of the French soldiers betrayed her to the Germans. She had helped more than 200 soldiers escape occupied Belgium and now was sentenced to death by firing squad.

Edith's life of service to others had blessed her own life with a profound love for all people, including those with whom she disagreed. That love became her strength, despite her sentence, and blessed her life with profound peace. Among her last words was a request to the prison chaplain to, "tell my loved ones later on that my soul, as I believe, is safe, and that I am glad to die for my country."

Edith Cavell's love for mankind was deeper and more substantive than the excitement and infatuation that might motivate a couple to start dating or even get married. Those emotions are an important beginning-- the fairy tale leading to our happily ever after-- but they're often still about us and how we benefit from a relationship. True love-- the kind that satiates our need to belong and gives us the confidence and strength to face any obstacle-- is cultured over years of putting someone else's needs before our own.

A few days after I was married to my wonderful bride, we went to visit my grandparents in central Utah. My grandpa had performed the temple marriages of all of his grandchildren until a stroke had rendered him unable. My wedding was the first he was not able to attend. Now he laid in his bed in front of me, losing weight and a battle with dementia that sometimes made his home of more than 50 years seem completely foreign to his broken mind.

As I stood at his bedside and spoke with him I wasn't certain whether he remembered me. It was a mostly one-sided conversation as I told him about my studies at the university, how our favorite football teams were doing and my thoughts on politics, gardening, religion, and other topics that we had discussed often over the previous two decades. It was anguishing to see his once active body and keen professor's mind now reduced to staring at the ceiling and trying to make sense of the people and places that seemed to know him so well despite their unfamiliarity.

After talking for several minutes, I began to share with him that I had been married and introduced my wife who had been standing patiently by my side. At this news, my grandpa raised his left hand and proudly pointed with his thumb to the gold wedding ring on his finger. Whatever other chaos or darkness now clouded his memory, it was clear that he still cherished his wife of over 60 years. She had not been just a friend or the mother of his children or a part of his life; she had been his entire life, his reason for going to work and doing the dishes and singing the children to sleep. Now, in his difficult trial, it was his unrelenting love for her that carried him through.

Despite the stroke, the dementia, and failing physical health, Grandpa clung to life and love for more than five years until my grandma passed away in 2008. She had cared for him as best she could, even leaving the quiet country life of the only home she had really known to be closer to the care he needed in a Salt Lake City suburb. After her passing, Grandpa's remaining strength disappeared and he was soon laid to rest next to her and their son who had died of cancer decades earlier.

This is the power of true love. We cannot have it on our own-- not even for ourselves. Though the world tells us to skip or delay family for financial or professional gain, to abort children that may become a burden, to abandon marriages that no longer provide the benefits they once did, and to be constantly "one-upping" our friends and coworkers with the controlled facades of our lives on social media, the Lord through his prophets has taught us that to do so is to forfeit our identities and the love we so desperately need. Selfishness and love, by definition, cannot coexist; for love is the act of putting others needs before our own.

The ultimate act of love and unselfishness was the Atonement of Jesus Christ:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved (John 3:16-17).

This was not a fun or pleasurable experience. It was not the kind of self-glorifying or easy path we might choose for ourselves. Rather, it caused Christ, "the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit-- and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink-- Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men" (D&C 19:18).

The blessings of focusing our lives on others far outweigh the temporary benefits we receive from taking an easy path or doing what "feels good". We can have peace of conscience and confidence of belonging. We can experience the strength and power of love received and given to God, to others and to ourselves. We can have a knowledge of our own potential and the empowerment to achieve it. We can experience countless moments laughing, crying and experiencing the fullness of life.

We only need to take the time to serve those around us. And then, maybe to take a quick selfie with the smiling person who helped us love a little better than we had before.

Sacrifice Brings Forth the Blessings of Heaven

William W. Phelps purchased his first copy of the Book of Mormon on April 9, 1830, three days after the organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He did not immediately join the Church, but wrote in his journal that he was convinced Joseph Smith was a prophet as early as December 1830. He was imprisoned in April 1831 to 'keep [him] from joining the Mormons'. He was baptized June 10, 1831, and opened a print shop in Independence, Missouri.

Brother Phelps gave a lot to his faith. He left his life in New York to travel with the saints to Kirtland and Missouri. He served missions. He gave hundreds of dollars to help fund temple construction in Kirtland. He is credited with writing sixteen hymns in the current hymnal and worked to publish the original copies of the Book of Commandments, now the book of Doctrine and Covenants. It was while working on the Book of Commandments in 1833 that his printer shop and home were attacked by a mob that destroyed the press, threw furniture through widows and then leveled the two-story shop.

When Brother Phelps was accused of mishandling Church funds in 1838, he criticized the prophet for a time and lived outside of the blessings of the Church for just over a year. He ultimately chose to give up even his pride for his faith and wrote a letter to Joseph Smith asking for forgiveness. Joseph wrote in response, 'Believing your confession to be real, and your repentance genuine, I shall be happy once again to give you the right hand of fellowship, and rejoice over the returning prodigal... Come on, dear brother, since the war is past, for friends at first, are friends again at last.'

Four years after W.W. Phelps returned to the Church more loyal and committed than he had ever been, the Prophet Joseph Smith was martyred in the Carthage Jail in Illinois. He had given everything he had-- many things more than once-- for the prophet; now he was compelled to give the man that had been his spiritual leader for over a decade to a cruel, uncivilized mob. It was in this context, less than a month after the prophet's death, that he wrote:

Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah!

Jesus anointed that Prophet and Seer.

Blessed to open the last dispensation,

Kings shall extol him, and nations revere.

Hail to the Prophet, ascended to heaven!

Traitors and tyrants now fight him in vain.

Mingling with Gods, he can plan for his brethren;

Death cannot conquer the hero again.

At a time when it would have been easy to complain or sorrow over all that had been required of him, Brother Phelps declared his testimony and gratitude in the final verse of his prose. 'Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven;' he wrote, 'Earth must atone for the blood of that man. Wake up the world for the conflict of justice. Millions shall know "Brother Joseph" again.'

In the scriptures we read, 'There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated-- And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated'. Nothing in our universe happens randomly. Eternal and unchanging natural laws ('truth') govern everything we experience, know and encounter, including consequences to our choices. Inquiring minds from every sort of interest are discovering more of these truths every day.

Brother Phelps expressed one of these pure truths in his tribute to the Prophet Joseph Smith. 'Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven,' he wrote. How does this happen in a day when we are not chased by mobs, forced to abandon our homes or trekking across the great plains in the dead of winter as W.W. Phelps and the early saints would do after the prophet was killed?

Just as we receive revelation line upon line, the effects of abiding by natural and spiritual laws are most often gradual. We might not notice the ever-so-slight change in our bodies if we eat a donut for breakfast or choose to go for a walk, but over time the consequences of seemingly insignificant choices sum together to dictate what diseases we develop, how long we live, and the quality of our lives. Similarly, we might not notice how we change when we say our morning prayers or forget to read our scriptures, but all the while our testimonies are growing or deteriorating based on how we nourish them.

Many of the sacrifices we are asked to make today are sacrifices of unhealthy, unrighteous, or unhelpful habits and desires. We are asked to change who we are-- not because it will be hard or because there will be times we fall on our faces, but because sacrifice brings the blessings of heaven. As we give up comfort food, we may come to better know the Comforter. As we study diligently each day, forgoing other activities when scheduling conflicts arise, the Lord will distill the mysteries of the kingdom as dew from heaven. When we exchange our selfishness and pride for humility and charity, the Lord will give us confidence in his presence and replace our weaknesses with strength.

In a BYU devotional held earlier this year, long-time exercise science professor Larry Tucker explained it this way:

While walking the roads of Palestine, Jesus encouraged others to follow Him. We will also be blessed if we follow His footsteps. Because He was not denied agency, He could choose for Himself. Christ chose to live a life of sacrifice. He displayed remarkable self-control. He learned at an early age to do what is right and let the blessings follow. To care for our temples, we too must learn self-control. If there were no consequences, most of us would rather eat a cookie than a carrot or be entertained rather than exercise. However, we often have to sacrifice today to earn the richest blessings tomorrow. It may take more than a lifetime to learn to master the flesh as Christ did, but the Lord expects us to do our best and to keep trying ('The Human Body: A Gift and a Responsibility' by Larry Tucker, BYU Speeches, May 28, 2013).

Though sometimes we are asked to make incredible sacrifices, few of us will be asked to give all that we have-- and then do it again and again and again. We won't likely be asked to walk the plains and perhaps none of us can quite comprehend the void the early saints must have felt when Joseph Smith was murdered. But we, as they, are still asked to sacrifice all that we are to follow in our Savior's footsteps. We, as they, are taught to give all we can to temple work and building the kingdom of God on the earth. And we, as they, call down the blessings of heaven as we strive to understand and apply the Atonement of Christ through our own personal sacrifices.

Because I Have Been Given Much

Around 86 B.C. the prophet Alma resigned his elected post as the leader of his country and, as the prophet at the time, effectively called himself on a mission. He would serve 2-3 years in the cities of Zarahemla and Gideon before taking a brief pause and calling himself to serve five more years in Mulek and Ammonihah.

While in Gideon however, Alma speaks of a tender mercy he received from the Lord. Referring to his first area, Zarahemla, he exclaims, 'Blessed be the name of God, that he hath given me to know, yea, hath given unto me the exceedingly great joy of knowing that they [in Zarahemla] are established again in the way of his righteousness.'

Most of us can probably relate to how Alma must've felt at the time. Zarahemla was the nation's capital. It was the city where he had grown up as the son of the prophet, where he and the king's sons had caused trouble as youth, where he was converted by the power of God, and where he had lived and worked as the nation's leader. He must have known many of those he taught. Some may have been family or friends. He cared for the welfare of the people and the city. He had worked hard to help individuals and families make better, more faith-filled decisions, and now he had somehow learned that it was all paying off. The people of Zarahemla were choosing to live righteous, happy, prosperous lives. Just as any of us would thrill to see a wayward friend or relative returning to the gospel path, the progress of the people in Zarahemla brought Alma 'exceedingly great joy' .

Alma doesn't say how he knew that the people of Zarahemla were righteous again. He wasn't in the city at the time. Perhaps he ran into someone in Gideon or got a letter from home or simply felt the peace of the Holy Ghost teaching him it was so. What he does say is that the knowledge of Zarahemla's righteousness was given to him from God.

Several years ago I was privileged to hear an MTC devotional given by Elder Bednar. At the time I was a recently returned missionary reveling in the stories he shared from the field. Among other topics in his talk, Elder Bednar took a few moments to address why some missionaries had success almost in spite of themselves while others, even those who worked very hard, did not seem to enjoy the same success in finding, teaching and baptizing new members of the Church. This is a question every struggling missionary has wondered about. Certainly I did.

Elder Bednar answered by turning to Alma 26:22. It reads:

Yea, he that repenteth and exerciseth faith, and bringeth forth good works, and prayeth continually without ceasing--unto such it is given to know the mysteries of God; yea, unto such it shall be given to reveal things which never have been revealed; yea, and it shall be given unto such to bring thousands of souls to repentance...

Elder Bednar then shared what I have learned to be a wonderful truth with the 2600 missionaries gathered at that devotional. The point of the verse, he said, was not that there is some magic formula for convert baptisms. We may qualify for blessings but there is not a point where we either earn them or deserve them. At the end of the day, success in the mission field is given. Missionary success is a gift from God that, like all gifts, comes at the timing and discretion of the Giver.

There are more than 280 references in the standard works of things that are 'given' from the Lord to his children on earth. These include: dominion, kingdoms, flocks, herds, children, manna, priesthood, Christ, wisdom, signs, responsibility, stewardship, lands, inheritances, freedom, rest, laws, spouses, companions, kings, cities, rain, hearts to perceive, eyes to see, ears to hear, answers to prayers, the shield of salvation, deliverance, frost, banners, travails, the tongue of the learned, cleanness of teeth, understanding, counsel, commandments, life, witnesses, a Sabbath, rewards, gifts, horsepower, heritage, meat, food, the reward of our hands, knowledge, might, blessings, revelation, promises, the name of Christ, Church organization and government, what to say or write, ability, mysteries, spiritual gifts, life missions, power to command water, direction, scripture, visions, callings, living water, thanks or blessings, names, the Holy Ghost, grace, hair, assurances, the words of Christ, authority, a thorn in our flesh, added days, faith, suffering, everlasting consolation, good hope, judgement, inspiration, love, doctrine, records, and a sound mind. The list grows if we consider things that he 'gives' or 'gave' or things we 'receive', 'are blessed with' or 'get'.

Looking through the list I realized that I was the too often ungrateful recipient of most of the gifts referenced in scripture. I enjoy the Sabbath, a full head of hair, freedom, a calling, an abundance of food to eat and the grace of God in more ways than I comprehend or know. As I see other blessings I enjoy and consider still more not listed explicitly in scripture, I begin to feel the joy that Alma felt for his friends in Zarahemla.

It is wonderful that we can feel the joy of gratitude, particularly through the holiday season. We must also remember that to whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48, D&C 82:3). Moses taught the Israelites that 'every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the Lord thy God which he hath given thee' (Deuteronomy 16:17).

Our feelings of gratitude are best expressed through our actions. To say we are grateful is nice; to show we are grateful by serving and giving to others is sanctifying. The Lord admonished us:

And again, verily I say unto you, I would that ye should always remember, and always retain in your minds what those gifts are, that are given unto the church. For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God. To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby (D&C 46:10-12).

Everything the Lord has given us is designed to bless our lives and the lives of those around us. Though we may strive to live worthy and do much good of our own free will, we simply cannot do enough to earn or deserve the many gifts the Lord gives us each day. The air we breathe, our spouses and children, the senses through which we experience life and the continuation of life itself are some of these most precious gifts.

There is no magic formula to receiving many of these gifts, but the Lord has told us how we can express our gratitude. The poet said it best:

Because I have been given much, I too must give;

Because of thy great bounty, Lord, each day I live

I shall divide my gifts from thee

With ev'ry brother that I see

Who has the need of help from me.

Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care,

I cannot see another's lack and I not share

My glowing fire, my loaf of bread,

My roof's safe shelter overhead,

That he too may be comforted.

Because I have been blessed by thy great love, dear Lord,

I'll share thy love again, according to thy word.

I shall give love to those in need;

I'll show that love by word and deed:

Thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed.