Return with Honor

When I was in high school, I often went over to my friend Devon's house. We were there most days for lunch, after school and whenever else we were looking for something to do. Above the front door in his house was a sign that read, "Return with Honor."

It was a simple sign with a simple message: don't screw up. Don't go places you shouldn't go, do things you shouldn't do or be someone you shouldn't be. I thought it was just another way of reminding their family, and all others that have used the slogan, to be good.

There is value in reminding ourselves to be good. That is, theoretically at least, why most LDS 8-year-olds don fresh CTR rings, at least for a few weeks, as they try to remember to Choose The Right. In an oversimplified way, we wear temple garments and attend church every week and put pictures of Christ in our homes so we can remember the promises we have made with God to be good.

Returning with honor is much more than that, however. Many of us have known people who were "good" and did what they were "supposed" to do but were without honor. They are the missionaries who served but didn't work; the temple-married couple who make others uncomfortable with how unkind they are to each other; and the church attendee who rejects all invitations to serve in a calling. These individuals, and others like them, go through the motions but seldom garner much esteem or respect because of the hollow selfishness of their efforts.

Honor is aligned with patience, kindness, contentment, joy for others, sacrifice, humility, modesty, self-discipline, hard work, virtue, hope, faith and love. We honor those who give their lives for our freedom, who give years of study and research to develop vaccines or send people to the moon, who teach us what they know, and who inspire us to be better. There is no honor in selfishness; but that doesn't mean that we don't have a role.

To understand how we can return with honor, we first must recognize that the subject of this sentence is implied. It is you. You are being admonished to return [yourself] with honor. How do you get that honor?

The next part of the statement requires the acknowledgement that to return, we first need to go. There are dozens of scriptural decrees to go a step or two into uncertainty, to go without sin, to go after what was lost, to go show yourself to the priest, to go on the Lord's errand, or go teach the gospel. In order to return, we first have to get up and go.

Finally, the added value to this phrase comes with a deeper understanding of honor. There are many sources of honor. We may receive worldly honors from universities, news media, community service groups or professional organizations. We can receive honors from our peers, our twitter followers or our bosses. Some of these can be good, but they cannot be what we treasure in our hearts. Like Captain Moroni, we are to, "seek not for honor of the world, but for the glory of [our] God, and the freedom and welfare of [our] country" (Alma 60:36).

In one of his recent conference addresses, President Uchtdorf shared an experience he had as a new General Authority. One day he was driving with President Faust to a stake conference. Among the important principles they discussed, Elder Faust explained how gracious the members of the Church are to General Authorities. He said, "They will treat you very kindly. They will say nice things about you." Then with a chuckle he said, "Dieter, be thankful for this. But don't you ever inhale it" (Pride and the Priesthood, October 2010).

While we can be grateful for our health, wealth, possessions, or positions, as President Uchtdorf went on to explain, when we begin to inhale our own importance or power or reputation they will begin to corrupt the honor we think we have. In his pre-mortal rebellion against God, Lucifer, the Son of the Morning and a person of some influence, demanded, "Give me thine honor, which is my power" (D&C 29:36).

Honor, like love or respect, cannot be demanded or taken upon ourselves. None of us can award ourselves a Nobel Peace Prize or an honorary doctorate degree from a prestigious university. Though we may inspire fear, we cannot control another's admiration. We are even less able to require the respect and esteem of a perfect being who knows all things and has all power.

Yet, God is anxious to give us honor. He promises, "if ye are faithful ye shall be laden with many sheaves, and crowned with honor, and glory, and immortality, and eternal life" (D&C 75:5). "For thus saith the Lord--I, the Lord, am merciful and gracious unto those who fear me, and delight to honor those who serve me in righteousness and in truth unto the end" (D&C 76:5).

Honor is the highest esteem or respect we can receive from another person. We cannot take it for ourselves, but we can give it and are commanded to honor those who honor God, including our parents, our spouses, and the laws of the land where we live. We are also commanded to honor the Lord.

My friend's mom could have put up a sign that said, "Be Good". Instead she put up a sign admonishing her family to act in such a way that others would willingly give their respect and esteem. She wanted her family to be anxiously engaged in good causes, to know what it was to sacrifice a meal so another could eat, to experience the reward of working hard to bless someone else's life, and to love so deeply that life's ambitions could be replaced by a desire to make others happy. Most of all, her sign directed her family to be the kind of people that an all-knowing, all-powerful God would delight to have on his side and to recognize for his or her faithfulness. She wanted them to not only be good, but to be courageous, fiercely righteous and persisting in patient faithfulness in the course God placed before them.

That was too long of a sign to fit over the door, so she summed it up: Return with Honor. I wonder if our heavenly mother has one just like it.

Five Quotes on Families

Many of the grand structures of the world are the large stone and brick buildings left to us by ancestors that lived hundreds and sometimes thousands of years ago. The Garni Temple in Armenia, the pyramids of Egypt, the castles and cathedrals of Europe and the palace at Palenque are just a few examples of constructions that have stood through hundreds of years of harsh weather, fierce warfare and other forces that have brought the demise of those around them.

In each case, these buildings are planned and constructed around a single stone known as the foundation stone or chief cornerstone. The foundation stone is usually not visible to those admiring magnificent ancient structures, but it is the first stone laid and the most important for the strength of the building.

Families are the chief cornerstones of our societies. It is through families, centered on marriage, that rising generations learn the value of freedom, love, discipline, tolerance, rights, responsibilities and human worth. In families we are introduced to God, have our first experiences with other people and begin to experience truth in action. When marriages and families break down, communities are weakened, governments become less effective and societies face a growing risk of collapse.

For many of the same reasons, families are also at the center of God's plan for us and each of our eternal destinies. We lived with our heavenly family before this life, we are born into families on Earth, and God allows us to live with our earthly families throughout eternity if we enter into sacred covenants such as marriage and keep His commandments. If we construct our lives around the covenants and values that unite our families they can be a great and enduring strength to us.

What follows are five quotes from modern-day prophets to help us all as we attempt to build and strengthen our families and all they support. Each of these quotes are included in Elder L. Tom Perry's book, Family Ties: A Message for Fathers.

The first quote on families comes from President Spencer W. Kimball, who shared with us the recipe for success in married life:

The formula is simple; the ingredients are few, though there are many amplifications of each.

First, there must be the proper approach toward marriage, which contemplates the selection of a spouse who reaches as nearly as possible the pinnacle of perfection in all the matters that are of importance to the individuals. Then those two parties must come to the altar in the temple realizing that they must work hard toward this successful joint living.

Second, there must be great unselfishness, forgetting self and directing all of the family life and all pertaining thereunto to the good of the family, and subjugating self.

Third, there must be continued courting and expressions of affection, kindness and consideration to keep love alive and growing.

Fourth, there must be complete living of the commandments of the Lord as defined in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Speaking to men, Elder L. Tom Perry taught that too many marriages suffer from unrighteous leadership. Reminding us all that the Lord's way is the way of persuasion, gentleness, meekness and love, he taught:

Your wife is your companion, your best friend, your full partner. The Lord has blessed her with great potential, talent, and ability. She, too, must be given the opportunity for self-expression and development. Her happiness should be your greatest concern. Learn how to magnify both your roles in order that both husband and wife can be found having fulfilling and happy lives together. Brethren, your first and most responsible role in life and in the eternities is to be a righteous husband.

Brigham Young added:

Our families are not yet ours. The Lord has committed them to us to see how we will treat them. Only if we are faithful will they be given to us forever. What we do on earth determines whether or not we will be worthy to become heavenly parents.

If we will do these things-- be selfless and kind, respect and honor our spouses and live the gospel-- we can have healthy marriages and experience the strength and joy that can come from living in family units. We will be able to contribute to successful communities and prosperous or
ganizations of all kinds-- and those organizations will, in turn, be able to reinforce our families. Again from President Kimball:

Our success, individually and as a Church, will largely be determined by how faithfully we focus on living the gospel in the home. Only as we see clearly the responsibilities of each individual and the role of families and homes can we properly understand that priesthood quorums and auxiliary organizations, even wards and stakes, exist primarily to help members live the gospel in the home. Then we can understand that people are more important than programs, and that Church programs should always support and never detract from gospel-centered family activities...

All should work together to make home a place where we love to be, a place of listening and learning, a place where each member can find mutual love, support, appreciation, and encouragement.

I repeat that our success, individually and as a Church, will largely [depend on] how faithfully we focus on living the gospel in the home.

Finally, as we make family a priority in our lives and learn from our experiences there, Brigham Young has taught that we will have a model for righteous leadership that extends to other leadership opportunities that we may encounter.

The Priesthood... is [the] perfect order and system of government, and this alone can deliver the human family from all the evils which now afflict its members, and insure them happiness and felicity hereafter.

Remnants of ancient civilizations that lost track of families are all around us. It is not enough to build buildings that will last through the ages; we must ensure that our lives are built upon the foundation stone the Lord has provided so that we may also stand in the magnificence and grace of God through the eternities ahead.