Return with Honor

When I was in high school, I often went over to my friend Devon's house. We were there most days for lunch, after school and whenever else we were looking for something to do. Above the front door in his house was a sign that read, "Return with Honor."

It was a simple sign with a simple message: don't screw up. Don't go places you shouldn't go, do things you shouldn't do or be someone you shouldn't be. I thought it was just another way of reminding their family, and all others that have used the slogan, to be good.

There is value in reminding ourselves to be good. That is, theoretically at least, why most LDS 8-year-olds don fresh CTR rings, at least for a few weeks, as they try to remember to Choose The Right. In an oversimplified way, we wear temple garments and attend church every week and put pictures of Christ in our homes so we can remember the promises we have made with God to be good.

Returning with honor is much more than that, however. Many of us have known people who were "good" and did what they were "supposed" to do but were without honor. They are the missionaries who served but didn't work; the temple-married couple who make others uncomfortable with how unkind they are to each other; and the church attendee who rejects all invitations to serve in a calling. These individuals, and others like them, go through the motions but seldom garner much esteem or respect because of the hollow selfishness of their efforts.

Honor is aligned with patience, kindness, contentment, joy for others, sacrifice, humility, modesty, self-discipline, hard work, virtue, hope, faith and love. We honor those who give their lives for our freedom, who give years of study and research to develop vaccines or send people to the moon, who teach us what they know, and who inspire us to be better. There is no honor in selfishness; but that doesn't mean that we don't have a role.

To understand how we can return with honor, we first must recognize that the subject of this sentence is implied. It is you. You are being admonished to return [yourself] with honor. How do you get that honor?

The next part of the statement requires the acknowledgement that to return, we first need to go. There are dozens of scriptural decrees to go a step or two into uncertainty, to go without sin, to go after what was lost, to go show yourself to the priest, to go on the Lord's errand, or go teach the gospel. In order to return, we first have to get up and go.

Finally, the added value to this phrase comes with a deeper understanding of honor. There are many sources of honor. We may receive worldly honors from universities, news media, community service groups or professional organizations. We can receive honors from our peers, our twitter followers or our bosses. Some of these can be good, but they cannot be what we treasure in our hearts. Like Captain Moroni, we are to, "seek not for honor of the world, but for the glory of [our] God, and the freedom and welfare of [our] country" (Alma 60:36).

In one of his recent conference addresses, President Uchtdorf shared an experience he had as a new General Authority. One day he was driving with President Faust to a stake conference. Among the important principles they discussed, Elder Faust explained how gracious the members of the Church are to General Authorities. He said, "They will treat you very kindly. They will say nice things about you." Then with a chuckle he said, "Dieter, be thankful for this. But don't you ever inhale it" (Pride and the Priesthood, October 2010).

While we can be grateful for our health, wealth, possessions, or positions, as President Uchtdorf went on to explain, when we begin to inhale our own importance or power or reputation they will begin to corrupt the honor we think we have. In his pre-mortal rebellion against God, Lucifer, the Son of the Morning and a person of some influence, demanded, "Give me thine honor, which is my power" (D&C 29:36).

Honor, like love or respect, cannot be demanded or taken upon ourselves. None of us can award ourselves a Nobel Peace Prize or an honorary doctorate degree from a prestigious university. Though we may inspire fear, we cannot control another's admiration. We are even less able to require the respect and esteem of a perfect being who knows all things and has all power.

Yet, God is anxious to give us honor. He promises, "if ye are faithful ye shall be laden with many sheaves, and crowned with honor, and glory, and immortality, and eternal life" (D&C 75:5). "For thus saith the Lord--I, the Lord, am merciful and gracious unto those who fear me, and delight to honor those who serve me in righteousness and in truth unto the end" (D&C 76:5).

Honor is the highest esteem or respect we can receive from another person. We cannot take it for ourselves, but we can give it and are commanded to honor those who honor God, including our parents, our spouses, and the laws of the land where we live. We are also commanded to honor the Lord.

My friend's mom could have put up a sign that said, "Be Good". Instead she put up a sign admonishing her family to act in such a way that others would willingly give their respect and esteem. She wanted her family to be anxiously engaged in good causes, to know what it was to sacrifice a meal so another could eat, to experience the reward of working hard to bless someone else's life, and to love so deeply that life's ambitions could be replaced by a desire to make others happy. Most of all, her sign directed her family to be the kind of people that an all-knowing, all-powerful God would delight to have on his side and to recognize for his or her faithfulness. She wanted them to not only be good, but to be courageous, fiercely righteous and persisting in patient faithfulness in the course God placed before them.

That was too long of a sign to fit over the door, so she summed it up: Return with Honor. I wonder if our heavenly mother has one just like it.

Be A Man!

In the most recent general conference, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland made an appeal to the men to, 'step up' and 'be men'. The call to 'be a man', colloquially and sometimes humorously used to motivate a burst of courage, was anything but a joke to Elder Holland.

What does it mean to be a man? The conclusion we come to may depend on who we ask. The world around us sends an ever-changing message on what manhood is. Not many years ago that message was based on grit, toughness and persistence. Clint Eastwood, Rocky Balboa and the generals of World War II were held up as 'real men'.

Now that image of manhood is considered cliche and old fashioned. The world's next attempt to define manhood pointed to the extremely successful-- the Bill Gates' of society who have every want satisfied with money to spare. Just as non-butch young men struggled with the previous definition of manhood, many in the rising generation have become discouraged by worldly pressures to provide an unrealistic level of income for themselves or their families.

Yet modern man, in the world's view, has evolved beyond the role of provider to something much less responsible. Elder D. Todd Christofferson explained it this way:

Some act as if man's highest goal should be his own pleasure. Permissive social mores have 'let men off the hook' as it were, so that many think it acceptable to father children out of wedlock and cohabit rather than marry. Dodging commitments is considered smart, but sacrificing for the good of others, naive.


The elusive, constantly changing messages of what the world calls manhood miss the target entirely and seek only to toss men 'to and fro with every wind of doctrine', as it were. These definitions attempt to restrict men to the selfish impulses of their carnal natures-- the very natures which stand in opposition to God (see Mosiah 3:19, Jeremiah 17:5, D&C 3:7, Moses 1:10).

So we're left again to ask what it means to be a man. The gospel of Jesus Christ provides a firm foundation upon which men can build their identity as men.

The scriptures teach that men are made in the image of God-- literal sons of God, eternal in nature and the focal point of God's glory. Men are called to be stewards over the whole earth and trusted to care for our sisters, daughters of the Most High. Every man has within himself the potential to be like our Heavenly Father, heirs of all He has and able to overcome every obstacle that may fall into our path. Real men, the gospel teaches, are mature, cheerful people who respond to the call to preside and provide.

Modern prophets also show the way to be a man. Elder Christofferson said, 'It is a wonderful aspiration for a boy to become a man--strong and capable; someone who can build and create things, run things; someone who makes a difference in the world.' Citing the proclamation on the family, he continued, 'In large measure, true manhood is defined in our relationship to women'. Real men honor marital vows with complete fidelity, help rear their children, preside with in love and righteousness and take responsibility to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.

Elder Christofferson had a few more things to say about manhood:

Integrity is fundamental to being men. Integrity means being truthful, but it also means accepting responsibility and honoring commitments and covenants... A man of integrity will honestly face and correct his mistakes... True manhood is not always measured by the fruits of one's labors but by the labors themselves-- by one's striving. Though he will make some sacrifices and deny himself some pleasures in the course of honoring his commitments, the true man leads a rewarding life. He gives much, but he receives more, and he lives content in the approval of his Heavenly Father. The life of true manhood is the good life.

President Kimball once quoted U.S. President J. Edgar Hoover's answer to what makes a real man:

There are many things, but perhaps the inner voice he listened to as a young boy was most important of all. That voice we call conscience, and it directs one’s thoughts. What one thinks may find expression in actions. Since repeated actions form habits, the thoughts you are thinking and the things you are doing at this moment tend to reveal the kind of a man you will be.

Were I asked what a boy needs to do today in order to be a man worthy of the name tomorrow, I would say: Never lie and never cheat. A liar is a weakling. A cheat is both a weakling and a thief. In finding the courage to honor truth in all things, you are on the way to self-mastery.

Work hard. Your mind is a storehouse and you stock the shelves. Stock them with quality goods. Remember that the habits of work and study you form today are the ones you will live with tomorrow.

Have fun. Play active games which require stamina and sportsmanship. Abide by the rules yourself. Demand that others do likewise.

Honor your Creator. God is the source of all good. The ideals on which the nation is founded stem from him who is the author of Liberty. You can express appreciation for your priceless heritage best by living according to the code of ‘Duty, Honor, Country, and God.’

If you do these, and in all things do your best, the mind and heart and soul you develop will one day be those of a real man.

These are the ideals of manhood: integrity, kindness, strength, honor and duty.

Manhood finds its ultimate expression in our ultimate example. Pilate may not have understood the significance of his words when he brought Jesus forth wearing a crown of thorns and declared, 'Behold the man!' As Elder Christofferson taught, Christ showed us the way to be men by rejecting temptation, by obedience, by forsaking completely the 'natural man', by service, by fearless opposition to evil and error and by standing firm in defending sacred things and raising a warning voice.

What manner of men ought we to be? Even as he is (3 Nephi 27:27, Matthew 5:48, 1 John 3:2).

As once Lehi called upon his sons to awake and rise from the dust and be men, so the prophets of today have called upon the men of our generation to 'step up'. President Monson has reminded us that we are not spectators. Elder Bednar counseled that when men 'neglect to do what is necessary to qualify for priesthood power' their efforts are 'unnaceptable to the Lord'. Elder Uchtdorf called upon men to put into practice dormant doctrines-- those that lie in our hears yet unapplied in our lives-- to qualify ourselves as husbands, fathers and sons.

Rise up, O men of God!

Have done with lesser things.

Give heart and soul and mind and strength

To serve the King of Kings.

Rise up, O men of God,

In one united throng.

Bring in the day of brotherhood

And end the night of wrong.

Rise up, O men of God!

Tread where his feet have trod.

As brothers of the Son of Man,

Rise up, O men of God!