Finding Swing

It is awesome, in the true sense of that word, to watch Olympic athletes compete in swimming, gymnastics, track, basketball, volleyball, and all of the other events. One of the events that I will watch a little closer this year is rowing.

Honestly, I wasn’t particularly interested in rowing until I read the book The Boys in the Boat that was recently made into a movie. That story follows the 1936 men’s rowing team from the University of Washington, which seemed to have every disadvantage. They were from working class families in small lumber and mining towns and didn’t have the resources of their competition. Many of the team were new to rowing and no one outside of the team believed they could win. Despite the disadvantages, Washington beat the elite teams at Navy and Cal to represent the United States at the Olympics in Germany.

Adolf Hitler saw the 1936 Olympics as an opportunity to prove Aryan supremacy and German dominance to the world. On the day of the final race, with Hitler looking on, German officials decided that the slowest qualifiers—Germany and Italy—should be in the most protected lanes. The American team would have the roughest water, some of the team members had become seriously ill, and the wind made it difficult to hear the coxswain who shouted instructions from the front of the boat. But during the race, something happened that rowers call “swing.” The book describes it this way:

There is a thing that sometimes happens that is hard to achieve and hard to define. It’s called “swing.” It happens only when all are rowing in such perfect unison that not a single action is out of sync.

Rowers must rein in their fierce independence and at the same time hold true to their individual capabilities. Races are not won by clones. Good crews are good blends—someone to lead the charge, someone to hold something in reserve, someone to fight the fight, someone to make peace. No rower is more valuable than another, all are assets to the boat, but if they are to row well together, each must adjust to the needs and capabilities of the others—the shorter-armed person reaching a little farther, the longer-armed person pulling in just a bit.

Differences can be turned to advantage instead of disadvantage. Only then will it feel as if the boat is moving on its own. Only then does pain entirely give way to exultation. Good “swing” feels like poetry. 

The members of that team describe those moments of “swing” as a holy experience that meant even more than winning Olympic Gold. That lingering feeling stayed with them all of their lives.

There are at least four ways the Lord has invited us to have swing in our lives. We are to be one with ourselves, one with our spouses, one with God, and one with our fellowman.

Elder Packer once told of a severe winter in Utah when deep snow had driven the deer very low into some of the valleys. Seeing that the deer were out of their natural habitat, some well-meaning agencies tried to respond by bringing in hay for the deer to eat. Unfortunately, many of the deer were later found dead. Those who handled the animals afterward said that the deer had starved to death with stomachs full of hay. The deer had been fed, but they had not been nourished and the hay they could not digest left no room for the nutrition they needed to survive.

In a similar way, there are influences all around us that try to fill us with messages that can starve our souls and distract us from those things that would bring genuine physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. We are encouraged to incur debt to “live our best life” and appear more prosperous than we really are. There is an abundance of food that is more harmful than helpful to our bodies. Tribalized news is on every channel to feed our individual and collective confirmation biases and maintain a constant sense of righteous indignation. There is an endless supply of games and other virtual experiences that give us fake successes and a hollow kind of confidence as imaginary sports superstars, army snipers, farm managers, and even city managers. We hear of people who look for love and connection online only to learn their affections were based on false representations. Despite the volume, there is little nourishment in these offerings. They are literally unbelievable.

“The Lord knows who we really are, what we really think, what we really do, and who we are really becoming” (Bednar, Things as They Really Are, June 2010).  As spirit sons and daughters of God, the Family proclamation says we “accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize [our] divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.”

The scriptures and living prophets have taught us that we will experience greater joy in our lives when there is high fidelity between who we really are and the person we are being on the outside. Being one with ourselves includes focusing on what is real—real opportunities to share a hug or serve a neighbor, real achievements as we strive toward personal and family goals, real food including vegetables, fruits, and whole grains, real prosperity through self-reliance, and the reality of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the redemptive and enabling power it can bring into our lives. We should be the same person alone, at home, at work, online, with friends, and in public. Having swing in our lives requires us to spend time with ourselves, evaluate how we are doing from time to time, see how we have changed, and make plans and goals to help us grow into our full and divine potential.

Steven Covey wrote in his popular 7 Habits book about a cycle of maturity that we all experience. As children, we are dependent on others for everything. As teenagers and young adults, we become independent and able to provide for our own needs. When we then surrender our independence to become interdependent with another person, the results are consistently greater than the sum of the parts.

The City of Enoch experienced interdependence on a societal scale. As they lived the law of consecration, they were able to completely eliminate all poverty from their community. Spiritual interdependence facilitated such righteousness, such harmony and “swing,” that the entire city was taken from the earth and promoted, as it were, to a terrestrial world.

Our marriages are intended to be interdependent, exalting relationships like the City of Enoch. Elder Bednar has taught:

By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fulness of glory. Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other. “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Cor. 11:11; emphasis added).

Our First Parents provided an example of the full partnership God intends every marriage to be. After being driven from the Garden of Eden, and the free rent and food provided there, Adam, “began to till the earth... and to eat his bread by the sweat of his brow... And Eve... did labor with him” (Moses 5:1).

Elder Marion G. Romney referenced this passage when he said, “The word with... is very significant. It means more than physical labor. It connotates a common purpose, understanding, cooperation and love… In Latter-day Saint families the husband and wife must be one.”

Despite our different roles at times, husbands and wives can enjoy full partnership with their spouse when they take care to work with each other rather than merely working near each other. The Family Proclamation counsels couples to pray together, respect each other, forgive one another, have fun together, and help one another as equal partners.

When Tara and I were married, she had already graduated from BYU and was teaching at a nearby elementary school. She had a newer car, a rented duplex, and minimal debt. I, on the other hand, was sleeping on a buddy’s couch with no car and a growing collection of student loans.

With our marriage, we became a family unit. In the spirit of consecration, each of us gave what we had to our newly-formed family. I became a proud co-owner of a little white Hyundai and the folks at the student loan office were suddenly very interested in Tara’s contact information.

A similar thing happens to us on the day we step into the waters of baptism. When we are baptized, we covenant with the Lord that we will always be willing to keep his commandments, remember him and take his name upon ourselves like a bride takes the name of her groom. In other words, we covenant that we are willing to be one entity with our Savior in the eyes of eternal law.

In the spirit of consecration, we give our debt of sin and imperfection to the newly-formed entity. At the same time, the Lord offers up his wealth of grace available through his infinite Atonement. Imagining for a moment that we could measure our sin with a number, the principles of mathematics tell us that it does not matter whether that number is negative six or negative six hundred trillion. Both of these numbers are equally imperfect and yet, when added to a perfect and infinite Atonement, both numbers are completely wiped out. Negative six plus infinity is infinity. Negative six hundred trillion plus infinity is infinity. In this way, though we are not perfect, each of us can be declared perfect as a consequence of our unity with our perfect Savior, made possible through a covenant or contract that is valid in the sight of eternal law, making us joint-heirs with Christ of all the Father has (Romans 8:17).

Our covenant agreement with the Lord requires us to work with Him in the same way that Eve worked with Adam. With an eye single to the glory of God, we must rein in our fierce independence, and the natural man, and at the same time hold true to our individual capabilities to do good and accomplish the mission the Lord has in store for us.

Elder Uchtdorf has taught:

Our relationship with God is most sacred and vital. We are His spirit children. He is our Father. He desires our happiness. As we seek Him, as we learn of His Son, Jesus Christ, as we open our hearts to the influence of the Holy Spirit, our lives become more stable and secure. We experience greater peace, joy, and fulfillment as we give our best to live according to God's eternal plan and keep his commandments.

We improve our relationship with our Heavenly Father by learning of Him, by communing with Him, by repenting of our sins, and by actively following Jesus Christ... To strengthen our relationship with God, we need some meaningful alone time with Him. Quietly focusing on daily personal prayer and scripture study, always aiming to be worthy of a current temple recommend-- these will be some wise investments of our time and efforts to draw closer to our Heavenly Father.

The kind of prayer that builds unity with God comes from the depths of our souls. It requires self-reflection and studying our thoughts, desires, and decisions before we approach the Lord. Elder Porter once taught that “God knows our innermost thoughts and feelings even better than we do, but as we learn to share them with Him, we make it possible for His Spirit to enter our souls and teach us more about our own selves and about the nature of God. By making ourselves totally honest, open, and submissive before God, our hearts become more receptive to His counsel and His will.”  In other words, as we spend time in heartfelt prayer, we can become one in purpose with our Heavenly Father.

As we open our hearts to the will of God, and strive to become one with Him, He will teach us about two gospels. The first is a preparatory gospel that focuses on learning obedience and receiving the blessings promised for our faithfulness. The preparatory gospel builds the foundation for our testimony with checklists and formulas to guide our obedient lives, deal with perceived scarcity, and do our duty.

In the Aaronic or Preparatory Priesthood, for example, prayers for the sacrament and baptism are provided verbatim. The Law of Tithing is a preparatory law that prescribes an amount to give back to the Lord-- no more, no less-- and is often associated with specific blessings for our obedience. In Primary we learn formulas that help us know how to say a prayer and how to repent of our sins. The former Boy Scouts and Young Women Personal Progress programs outlined specific actions that, if completed, earned merit badges or medallions or other external recognitions that were indicative of our progress and development. Prior home and visiting teaching efforts were also somewhat scripted with a monthly message in the Ensign and a leader calling at the end of each month to see if you had made the visits you were assigned.

Parallel to the preparatory gospel is a second phase of learning and development we might call the "higher law" or the "fullness of the gospel". The principles of the gospel in this phase build upon and are inseparably connected with those of the preparatory gospel, yet here our discipleship is no longer transactional. We still obey the commandments with all of our hearts, but we do so because we love the Lord more than we expect a blessing. We learn to give without expecting anything in return because we love God's children and want to bless their lives (see John 13:34-35).

In the higher law, we abandon the checklists and formulas that sometimes lead to unrighteous judgements of others or assumptions that only a few of God's children will be saved. In their place, we learn to follow promptings of the spirit and act on the circumstances of the moment. We come to know the abundance of the Lord: that He who multiplied the loaves and fishes has blessings and salvation for "all the works of his hands" (D&C 76:43) and He has asked us to return to Him in groups.

Just as obedience is the appropriate focus of the preparatory gospel, with 613 commandments in the Law of Moses to practice that obedience, the fullness of the gospel, the Law of Christ, highlights only two: to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-40). When two holders of the Melchizedek Priesthood lay their hands on someone's head to give them a blessing, demonstrating this love for God and their fellow man, the spirit guides their words accordingly. We are all likewise called to practice loving others and following the resulting promptings of the spirit as we gather together at church and as families, minister to one another, set goals with our children and youth, and begin to live the law of consecration with our time, talents, and resources.

Ultimately, we cannot be one with God without also striving to be of one heart and one mind with those around us. If God loves His children, and I testify that he does, than one way to be one with him is to strive to love those same children of our Heavenly Father. 

As he introduced the transition from home and visiting teaching to ministering, Elder Holland said:

Brothers and sisters, we have a heaven-sent opportunity as an entire Church to demonstrate ‘pure religion … undefiled before God’—'to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light’ and to ‘comfort those that stand in need of comfort,’ to minister to the widows and the fatherless, the married and the single, the strong and the distraught, the downtrodden and the robust, the happy and the sad—in short, all of us, every one of us, because we all need to feel the warm hand of friendship and hear the firm declaration of faith… As [we do so,] we lift our spiritual eyes toward living the law of love more universally."]

Can you imagine a society where each of us was one with ourselves, one with our spouses, one with God, and one with our fellowman? A society where we all brought our talents and experiences into perfect swing? I feel like I can only start to glimpse what that might be like and it is awesome in the truest sense of that word.

What is Our Heavenly Father Really Like?

Fourteen years ago, I sat on the second or third row of a chapel in Frankfurt, Germany, listening to prelude music and watching the rain roll down thick, cobbled windows. The whole mission was in the chapel anticipating the instruction we would receive from Elder L. Tom Perry, who had recently been assigned as the president of the European Central Area.

After the opening hymn and prayer, Elder Perry stood to address us. He did not use the microphone, but walked off the dais and stood in front of the sister missionaries in the first row. There was a short pause while he gathered himself, and then, with his typical booming voice, Elder Perry declared his testimony in two simple words: “God lives.”

I do not remember anything else he said that day, but this testimony seemed to pierce my soul to the very center. I remember the power I felt as he said it and I felt my physical frame trembling for several minutes afterward. I had been on my mission for over a year and could cite many instances before and during my service when I had felt the Holy Ghost testify of truth. I had also had many epiphanies as a high school and college student learning math, chemistry, physics, psychology and the arts. The feeling I had on that day surpassed all. I knew in that moment that God was real.

While I cannot pretend to give you the same experience here today, I can share my testimony that I know God lives. He organizes and governs all things in the universe. He knows all things, has all power, and is present in all places through His Spirit. He sees every sparrow that falls, knows every secret and wills the creation of stars, planets and solar systems. He lends each breath to all living things. All of time-- past, present, and future-- is laid before Him, yet he is not subject to our time or our timing. He is eternal, immutable and divine. We worship him as Elohim, a Hebrew name meaning the gods, but he prefers that we call him Father.

One of the great assignments of our lives is to come to know our Heavenly Father as he really is. During his great intercessory prayer on our behalf, the Savior lamented: “O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee… And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou has sent” (John 17:25, 3).

Indeed, the world has not known Him. The Lakota tribes of North and South Dakota worshipped a “Great Spirit” they called Wankan Tanka, which means, “the Great Mystery”. Christian cultures are not any more clued in, often describing God with contradictions and portraying him in art and film as some variety of glowing orb, floating mist or unseen voice. Many people today are like those Paul found in Greece ignorantly worshipping at the altar of an "unknown God" (Acts 17:23).

This is not because God is hidden or hard to find. There is a great deal we can learn about God in the scriptures and the teachings of modern prophets. I will share some of those things here; but whatever we know about God, we really get to know Him by revelation as we draw near through prayer, serve his children on this earth, and diligently keep his commandments.

In other words, our personal relationship with our Heavenly Father, like any other relationship, requires our time and our attention. We should speak often with him, trust and rely on him and seek with a grateful heart to see his hand in our lives each day. Our testimonies will grow in proportion to our faith and our obedience; and if we look with sufficient faith, we’ll find that our eyes can be opened to see how He is in the details of our lives each and every day.

Now, with that introduction, I’d like to turn to the question suggested by Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane. Who is the only true God, our Heavenly Father, and what is he really like?

Think for a moment about your idea of the perfect father. You may think of many traits your own fathers or grandfathers exhibited, or some things may be different, but I’d bet most of us are thinking of a lot of the same things. Let’s start simple and build up: he would be a man. He would be strong from hard work, but gentle with those he loves. He would love his children more than the whole world. He would respect women, especially his wife. He would be a man of faith and integrity. He would protect and provide for his family. He would teach his children discipline and help them to succeed. He would teach them how to be healthy and happy.

I have probably missed a few important things, but we’re well on our way to the point you know is coming.

Our Father in Heaven is an exalted man, separate and distinct from His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost who shares his influence. He has a body of flesh and bone just as we do (D&C 130:22). We look like him. He has a personality. He has feelings and emotions. He experiences great sorrow when his children suffer, when they sin, and when they commit horrific acts against one another. He also knows the thrill of watching his children overcome a difficult challenge or take a significant step in their journey back to him. Though he cannot always be physically with us, he loves it when we call.

Much of the world assumes that God has always been perfect; he has always been a god. We know that our Heavenly Father experienced mortality much as we do now and that he grew from grace to grace as we are are attempting to do. President Lorenzo Snow wrote the couplet, “As man now is, God once was: As God now is, man may be.”

Through eons of experience and hard work, our Heavenly Father has completed his development, so we say that he is perfect. He is perfect in his knowledge and power, but he is also perfect in his compassion, his empathy and his love for each of us. He understands what we are experiencing and he encourages us to continue in our development until we are complete. “Be ye therefore perfect,” the scriptures direct, “even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).

Many in the world see God as harsh and vengeful. Martin Luther taught that “those who see God as angry do not see him rightly”. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved” (John 3:16-17).

“For I am persuaded,” Paul wrote, “that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God” (Romans 8:38-39). Nephi wrote that the love of God, “sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; wherefore, it is the most desirable above all things… and the most joyous to the soul” (1 Nephi 11:22-23).

You and I are literally children of God. “And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together” (Romans 8). Our Father in Heaven offers us all he has because he loves us more than the whole world.

Our Father in Heaven is not a respecter of persons. He’s not impressed by the color of your skin or the country where you were born or the job that you have or wealth you have accumulated. His commandments are in effect for those with busy schedules, those who are lonely, those who are ignorant and those who are proud. Every soul, regardless of their status or circumstance, is of great worth to him-- worth his time, worth his effort, and worth his love.

The love of God includes a profound respect for women. He does not allow us to make our Heavenly Mother a profanity and he warns against abuse of spouse or offspring with the most serious language. He has placed women in some of the most crucial roles in the plan of salvation and trusts them to nurture and prepare each generation.

One of my favorite quotes from Karl G. Maeser, considered the founder of what became BYU, is his explanation of honor. “I have been asked what I mean by ‘word of honor’”, he said. “I will tell you. Place me behind prison walls--walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground-- there is a possibility that in some way or another I may escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of the circle? No. Never! I’d die first!"

Likewise, our Heavenly Father commits with his word of honor that he is bound to keep his promises when we keep his commandments. It may seem a little obvious to say that God is a man of integrity, but it is crucial to understand if we are to trust him and trust is essential to walking the path toward eternal life. God keeps every promise. He always does what he says he will do.

One of the promises God has made to each of us is that he will pour out the blessings of heaven when we pay our tithing. My wife and I put this to the test when I completed graduate school and we moved for an entry-level job in Virginia. We had two kids, no contacts, a lot of debt and not very much income.

I don’t remember a specific instance when we got a check for exactly the amount we needed or found the food we couldn’t buy on our doorstep; but I do remember that our clothes seemed to last forever. As our kids grew, and we added one more, someone was always looking to donate the size we needed. Our car never broke down. The five dollar pizzas at Little Ceasars tasted amazing. Though we were living in a small house with a possum in the crawl space, life seemed abundant and we came to know our Heavenly Father better as we earnestly prayed for him to help us provide for our family’s needs.

I testify that your Father, who is in heaven, knows the things that you need. “Therefore,” the Savior taught, “Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are you not much better than they?...”

“And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you?... But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:25-26, 28-30, 33).

In addition to providing for our physical needs, our Heavenly Father is anxious to teach us how to be successful and happy. Consider for a moment what you would do if Bill Gates approached you with an offer you couldn’t refuse. Pretend for a moment that the email and the Facebook scams we’ve all seen are true. Bill Gates does want to make you a millionaire or billionaire, and here’s the deal: he’s going to give you the strategy to get there and if you can try pretty hard at it and show some persistence, he will give you the capital to make it the rest of the way. Would you do it?

God has achieved more than any of us can imagine. Even Bill Gates’ money is no object for him. Worldly strength and power are insignificant by comparison. His lifestyle and his joy are the ultimate rewards of eternity. He has cornered the market on peace and happiness; these are his currency. Yet, none of this is proprietary information. Like every good parent, he has given us commandments to protect us and help us learn and grow. He has laid out the path to follow and offers to share everything freely with anyone willing to accept his invitation. We agree to try through five saving ordinances: baptism, confirmation, ordination, endowment and sealing. Lest we fear failure, he has ensured our success within the scope of our agreement; he will provide all that we cannot so long as we sincerely try. He provided a Savior to show us how this was to be done.

Sometimes as we try to follow in our elder brother’s footsteps, course corrections are needed. Paul explained:

“For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?... Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For… he [chastens us] for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness” (Hebrews 12:6-7, 9-10).

While God loves all of his children, status quo is not his goal. Rather, he is focused on maximizing our potential. He has retired from whatever profession he may have once had, he’s seen what there is to see and there are no distractions to pull him away from the work of helping you and I, his family, succeed. His ways and his timing are often different from our own, but he is keenly interested in this work and wants each of us to be wildly successful as he measures it: in joy, in peace, in love and in faith. He will not take away our agency, but he gently guides us toward decisions that will ultimately lead us to our rightful places as heirs of his kingdom.

If you will remember what you thought was an ideal father, I think you’ll find we’ve discussed many of the core attributes of that ideal in the last several minutes. Each of us has a Father in Heaven who has known us for eons of time. He has walked the path we walk, appreciates our differences and sees the potential we all have to become like him. He is our biggest fan, our protector and provider, our mentor, our counselor, our teacher, our friend, our companion and our parent. He loves each of us more than the whole world.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie taught, “It is one thing to know about God and another to know him. We know about him when we learn that he is a personal being in whose image man is created; when we learn that the Son is in the express image of his Father’s person; when we learn that both the Father and the Son possess certain specified attributes and powers. But we know them, in the sense of gaining eternal life, when we enjoy and experience the same things they do. To know God is to think what he thinks, to feel what he feels, to have the power he possesses, to comprehend the truths he understands, and to do what he does. Those who know God become like him, and have his kind of life, which is eternal life” (Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, 3 vols. [1965-73], 1:762).

I have come to know God as I have seen his influence in my life during and since my mission in Frankfurt, Germany. He has helped me find peace when all was lost, share my testimony when I couldn’t find the words, repent when I have fallen short and learn truth when I did not know the way. He has shown me what it is to be father. He has provided for my family and brought joy into our home. So it is with confidence and admiration and love and joy that I can share my testimony that God lives.

Four Quadrants of Prayer

In his best-selling book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, author Stephen Covey outlines a method for organizing our priorities and managing our time. Simply put, it begins with classifying each task we perform into one of four quadrants: urgent and important (Quadrant I), not urgent and important (Quadrant II), urgent and not important (Quadrant III), or not urgent and not important (Quadrant IV). By classifying our work in this way, we can be most effective with our time and effort as we identify and concentrate on the most important tasks first.

As obvious and straightforward as this might seem, Covey teaches it explicitly because, as it turns out, focusing on the most important tasks is not at what most people naturally do. Of course we all "put out fires" first, doing those things that are important and also very urgent. Then, however, most people tend to move to those tasks that are urgent but not really important. We delay more important tasks to check email, tend to a distraction or address some other "pressing" matter. Surprisingly, when the urgent tasks are all complete, most people drift toward tasks that are neither urgent nor important, leaving the important but not urgent tasks for last.

This quirk in human behavior is unfortunate because it is those important task that are not urgent that create the most value in our lives. These are things like building relationships, making plans for long-term success, preventing future crises, developing discipline and perspective, and improving ourselves through training or recreation.

"Effective people stay out of Quadrants III and IV because, urgent or not, they aren't important," Covey writes in his book. "They also shrink Quadrant I down to size by spending more time in Quadrant II... Quadrant II is the heart of effective personal management."

While putting first things first may help any aspect of our lives, there is great power in applying this principle to our daily prayers. Most of us already turn to God for help when we are in dire straits and we need the Lord to intervene to prevent serious consequences, but what do we pray for next? And when was the last time you prayed to build your relationship with God or discuss something important that wasn't on a tight timeline?

The pattern of revelation used to direct recent changes in Church procedure exemplifies what can happen when we spend quality time discussing the important elements of our lives in sincere prayer. President Nelson explained:

When we convene as a Council of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve, our meeting rooms become rooms of revelation. The Spirit is palpably present. As we wrestle with complex matters, a thrilling process unfolds as each Apostle freely expresses his thoughts and point of view. Though we may differ in our initial perspectives, the love we feel for each other is constant. Our unity helps us to discern the Lord's will for His Church.

In our meetings, the majority never rules! We listen prayerfully to one another and talk with each other until we are united. Then when we have reached complete accord, the unifying influence of the Holy Ghost in spine-tingling! (April 2018).

This process can take many months as each member ponders, studies and prays about what is being considered. That was the case with the decision to combine ward Melchizedek Priesthood quorums into a single quorum. The result will be better direction for a more supportive, responsive and unified priesthood quorum. A similar process was used to call new apostles, assign counselors in the First Presidency, identify locations for new temples and modify and enhance the home and visiting teaching programs now wrapped into a cooperative ministering effort.

Following the examples of modern day prophets and apostles, we would do well to consider where we might prayerfully counsel with the Lord. What aspects of our testimony need to be strengthened before we have a crisis? What is our personal mission on the earth and how can we go about accomplishing it? Where should we dedicate our resources of time and energy to develop Christlike attributes and build metaphorical temples in our lives? What should we be learning now to help the people we will meet next year, teach our children in a few years and face the challenges of the next decade?

When urgent prayers are done, we make little progress with hurried, rote or habitual monologues offered to check the box that we think will bring blessings from heaven. "Ask not, that ye may consume it on your lusts," the prophet Moroni taught, "but ask with a firmness unshaken that ye will yield to no temptation, but that ye will serve the true and living God" (Mormon 9:28).

Yea, cry unto him for mercy; for he is mighty to save. Yea, humble yourselves, and continue in prayer unto him. Cry unto him when ye are in your fields, yea, over all your flocks. Cry unto him in your houses, yea, over all your household, both morning, mid-day, and evening. Yea, cry unto him against the power of your enemies. Yea, cry unto him against the devil, who is an enemy to all righteousness. Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them. Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase.

But this is not all; ye must pour out your souls in your closets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness. Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you (Alma 34:18-27).

The Lord asks that we offer our prayers "with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ" (Moroni 10:3-5). We do this as we counsel with Him about those things, urgent or not, that are important in our lives and for which we need his guidance. As we do so, the promise is sure: "he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things."

A Two-Way Relationship with God

Christ taught his disciples that life eternal was to know the only true God and Jesus Christ, whom He has sent (John 17:3). Many church programs, like the Duty to God program for the young men and Personal Progress program for the young women, have the stated purpose of helping the members of the Church develop their relationships with God. General Conference talks are often laced with references to deep and meaningful relationships with the Divine that are leading men and women toward life eternal.

Despite all of these, sometimes we may wonder how to have a relationship with God or how to strengthen it. Perhaps we have asked ourselves whether we know God but are unsure of how to answer.

We come to know God the same way we come to know a friend or a family member. It takes an investment of time and effort. Most of all, conversing with the Lord helps us get to know and stay familiar with our Heavenly Father.

Mosiah taught that we serve God when we serve our fellow men (Mosiah 2:17) and John wrote that we know God when we exercise love for one another (1 John 4:8). Studying the scriptures and the teachings and practices of the Church with an eye of faith will teach us more about the nature of God and how he interacts with us. Observing the hand of God in our own lives with gratitude for our many blessings will also build our faith and strengthen our relationship with God.

President Uchtdorf has taught:

Our relationship with God is most sacred and vital. We are His spirit children. He is our Father. He desires our happiness. As we seek Him, as we learn of His Son, Jesus Christ, as we open our hearts to the influence of the Holy Spirit, our lives become more stable and secure. We experience greater peace, joy, and fulfillment as we give our best to live according to God's eternal plan and keep his commandments.

We improve our relationship with our Heavenly Father by learning of Him, by communing with Him, by repenting of our sins, and by actively following Jesus Christ... To strengthen our relationship with God, we need some meaningful alone time with Him. Quietly focusing on daily personal prayer and scripture study, always aiming to be worthy of a current temple recommend-- these will be some wise investments of our time and efforts to draw closer to our Heavenly Father.

When our prayers or scripture study are not what we would like them to be, often it is because we have not nurtured our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Just as we must give of our time and attention to develop vibrant relationships with our spouses and children, and just as our family relationships may be strained when they are neglected, the effort we give in prayer and scripture study will determine the quality of our relationship with God.

Elder Bruce D. Porter recently taught that 'prayer is the ordained means by which men and women, and even little children, come to know God.' Elder Porter reminds us that for us to get to know God and borrow strength, love and light at His doorstep through prayer, we must forsake our vain repetitions and decide to really pray. He continued:

Moroni's admonition about praying to know the truth of the Book of Mormon applies to all prayers: namely, that we 'ask with a sincere heart, with real intent' (Moroni 10:4). True prayer is heartfelt: the words convey our deeply felt desires and are coupled with a commitment to act on the divine guidance we receive.

Heartfelt prayer comes from the depths of the soul. Our mind and heart are directed toward God with full and complete attention. When we pray from the heart, we are not just saying words or 'going through the motions'; we are seeking to draw nearer to our Father in Heaven, to commune with Him in a personal and intimate manner. Heartfelt prayer is the furthest thing from a memorized recitation. We do not simply talk at God; rather, we talk with Him. This does not imply a face-to-face conversation as Moses experienced, but it does suggest communing with God by listening to the still, small voice of the Spirit. It means allowing time both during a prayer and after a prayer to hear spiritual promptings.

We know we are offering a heartfelt prayer if we mean what we say. Often times we will feel the prayer as much as we are thinking or saying it. It helps to set aside a time to pray when we will not be rushed but can meditate, if only for a few minutes, in quiet solitude. When we offer heartfelt prayers, we take a few steps closer to our Heavenly Father. It becomes easier to hear His voice in our lives and for our prayers to change from lists of blessings and desires to genuine conversations.

True prayer means speaking with God about the things that matter most. As we converse with God, we should seek to understand divine truths, to better understand the purpose of our life and to bring our will in line with the will of God. Through prayer we can learn God's will and gain the strength to accept it. Elder Porter explained:

God knows our innermost thoughts and feelings even better than we do, but as we learn to share them with Him, we make it possible for His Spirit to enter our souls and teach us more about our own selves and about the nature of God. By making ourselves totally honest, open, and submissive before God, our hearts become more receptive to His counsel and His will.

True prayer requires self-reflection and studying out our decisions before we approach the Lord. The Lord promises to tell us what is right in our minds and in our hearts by the Holy Ghost (D&C 8:2). If we have a good feeling but our thoughts are unsettled, we should continue to study and pray. If we have developed a plan of action that makes sense but does not feel right, we may not yet have the answer. Hearing the still small voice of the Lord requires silencing our personal prejudices. Only when heart and mind are in accord can we be confident that we have reached the right conclusion.

President Uchtdorf taught that 'prayer is a heavenly gift designed to help us achieve spiritual lift. It enhances and cultivates our relationship with God.' As we learn to offer more heartfelt prayers, to ponder and meditate, to search the scriptures and willingly serve our fellow men and women, we can develop a rich and meaningful relationship in this life and through life eternal.