The Divine Nature and Destiny of Women

Given as a Sacrament Meeting talk on May 9, 2021 (Mother's Day). Much of the text was taken, and is therefore similar, to this post from November 11, 2012. Edits made to remove local references.

Similitude by Walter Rane

The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches that “each [of us are] a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is a characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” It is our opportunity to celebrate righteous womanhood and motherhood today, beginning with a mother we all share.

Our greatest of grandmothers, Eve, was the first mortal woman to walk upon the earth. Through the annuls of time, Eve has often been portrayed as gullible and weak, however beautiful, and valuable primarily for bearing children and serving her husband. In modern times, many relegate Eve to the back shelf as a fictional character in an ancient children’s fable. For more than a thousand years, Eve, the mother of us all, has been portrayed in art, humor and dogma as little more than the First Stereotype.

Modern prophets give us a different picture of the Mother of All Living. Listen to their words:

There is no language that can do credit to our glorious mother, Eve. Eve--a daughter of God, one of the spirit offspring of the Almighty Elohim--was among the noble and great in [the premortal] existence. She ranked in spiritual statue, in faith and devotion, in conformity to eternal law with Michael (Bruce R. McConkie. "Eve and the Fall". Woman. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1979. p. 69).

Among the great and mighty ones who were assembled in this vast congregation of the righteous were Father Adam... and our glorious Mother Eve, with many of her faithful daughters who had lived through the ages (Joseph F. Smith, D&C 138:38-39).

We and all mankind are forever blessed because of Eve's great courage and wisdom. By partaking of the fruit first, she did what needed to be done. Adam was wise enough to do likewise (Russell M. Nelson, General Conference, October 1993).

It was Eve who first transgressed the limits of Eden in order to initiate the conditions of mortality. Her act, whatever its nature, was formally a transgression but eternally a glorious necessity to open the doorway toward eternal life. Adam showed his wisdom by doing the same...

Some Christians condemn Eve for her act, concluding that she and her daughters are somehow flawed by it... Informed by revelation, we celebrate Eve's act and honor her wisdom and courage in the great episode called the fall (Dallin H. Oaks, General Conference, October 1993).

Eve is, "honored by Latter-day Saints as one of the most important, righteous, and heroic of all the human family" (Encyclopedia of Mormonism. Macmillan Publishing Company, 1992. 2:475.). Zebedee Coltrin related this insightful vision he shared with Oliver Cowdery and Joseph Smith, the prophet:

The heavens gradually opened and they saw a golden throne, on a circular foundation, something like a lighthouse, and on the throne were two aged personages, having white hair, and clothed in white garments. They were the two most beautiful and perfect specimens of mankind he ever saw. Joseph said, 'They are our first parents,' Adam and Eve ("The Words of Joseph Smith." Provo: Brigham Young University. vol. 6.).

That Eve would be exalted to a throne as the lucky consequence of a clumsy mistake or a weak moment is inconsistent with the gospel of exaltation. That gospel requires each of us to "work out our salvation" by developing great faith in Christ, choosing to change our behavior each day to better follow Him, make and keep inspired covenants and continually keep the commandments of God throughout our lives (see Phillippians 2:12; Alma 34:37; and Mormon 9:27). Eve did not get a pass for going first; that would not be just. Rather, modern prophets teach that Eve was chosen, with Adam, to set the course, to lead the way, to make the Lord’s plan of happiness possible, and to provide an example of faithfulness for the whole human race.

Popular culture is wrong about Eve and, by extension, it is wrong about women in general. Some of that error comes from a poor understanding of the Creation and the Fall. We can learn a great deal from a careful study of these events. I will make only a single point about each event today.

First, some point to the verses in Genesis that say Eve was created from Adam's rib to be an 'help meet' for him. They interpret this verse to suggest that God created women to help or serve the interests of men. Understanding that President Kimball taught the reference to Adam's rib is, "of course, figurative" (Spencer W. Kimball. Blessings and Responsibilities. Ensign. March 1976, p. 71), we can focus our attention on what it means to be an help meet.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines a 'help meet' as being, 'even with or equal to'. Sister Beverly Campbell has written that the Hebrew scripture uses the phrase ‘help meet’ to mean an equal saving power of some majesty. President Benson confirmed, 'In the beginning, God placed a woman in a companionship role with [Adam]... She was to act in partnership with him' (To the Elect Women of the Kingdom of God. Woman. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book. 1979. p. 69.).

Elder Bruce C. Hafen explained further, “Genesis 3:16 states that Adam is to 'rule over' Eve, but... over in 'rule over' uses the Hebrew bet, which means ruling with, not ruling over... The concept of interdependent equal partners is well grounded in the doctrine of the restored gospel” (Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners. Ensign, August 2007. pp. 24-29.).

So we read in Moses chapter two that the Lord blessed both Adam and Eve and commanded them together to, “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth” (Moses 2:28).

The truth that Eve was and is Adam's equal-- in intelligence, in spirituality, and in potential-- adds clarity to the account of the Fall. Gospel scholar Hugh Nibley explained that, "[Eve took] the initiative, pursuing the search for ever greater light and knowledge while Adam cautiously [held] back... It is she who perceives and points out to Adam that they have done the right thing after all" (Patriarchy and Matriarchy. Old Testament and Related Studies. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book. 1986. p. 92).

Eve acted in courage and in faith to complete her mission on earth. This could only have happened as it did if Eve were both capable and involved in the process all along. She wasn’t waiting for Adam’s permission or direction. She was united with him in their purpose and intent to follow the commandments, but then acted autonomously and selflessly to benefit the whole of the human family. God blessed Eve for her righteousness and courage.

A true understanding of the Creation and the Fall justify reverence, honor, and respect, rather than ridicule, for our mother, Eve. Eve had the faith to act, to trade comfort for progress, to stay focused on the Lord’s plan and to lead the way through uncertainty. Eve outwitted Satan to obtain divine blessings for her posterity that he sought for only himself. Each of us can be grateful this Mother’s Day for the achievements and example of our first mother, Eve.

Our Savior, Jesus Christ, exemplified the way we should honor the daughters of Eve in our lives today and every day. Christ’s use of the term ‘woman,’ consistent with Jewish culture at the time, was 'highly respectful and affectionate', implying ‘the greatest respect to the person spoken to', and intending 'no severity nor disrespect'.

Like Eve, Jesus Christ’s mother, Mary, was a woman of great courage. As an unmarried teenager, an angel appeared to her to declare that she would be pregnant with the son of God. Even an immaculate pregnancy could have caused her to be completely cast out of her society. She did not know how her fiancé would react or maybe even how she would try to explain it to him. And how does one raise as a child the Lord whom you revere as a God?

Mary asked the angel how it would be so and then, when she understood what she was being asked to do, Mary replied humbly, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word” (Luke 1:38). Though Joseph would marry her, Jewish tradition holds that Joseph died in an industrial accident when Christ was about thirteen years old and Mary was left to raise her children on her own.

The Lord’s respect for his mother is clear. At a wedding in Cana, when she is concerned about running out of wine, Christ replies, “Woman, what wilt thou have me to do for thee? That I will do; for mine hour is not yet come” (JST John 2:4). On the cross at calvary, suffering pain beyond our capacity to conceive, he spoke tenderly to his mother, saying, “Woman! Behold thy son!” and directed his disciples to continue to care for her.

Christ spoke with similar respect to all of the women he encountered. To the woman taken in adultery, he inquired with respect, “Woman, where are those thine accusers? Hath no man condemned thee?... Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more” (John 8:11-12). To a woman of Canaan—a Gentile to whom he was not sent—who was seeking relief for a daughter “grievously vexed with a devil,” the Lord said, “O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was made whole from that very hour” (Matthew 15:28).

When his disciples saw the empty tomb and left astonished, Mary Magdalene lingered and wept. Christ appeared to her first, saying, “Woman, why weepest thou?” She was not immediately consoled, but Christ comforted her and revealed his identity to her exceeding joy.

Brothers and Sisters, is this how we treat the women in our lives? Brethren, do you counsel with your wives as your equals, working toward unanimous decisions, or do you suppose you are somehow endowed with better judgement or a divine right to the final say? Do you consume entertainment that portrays women as daughters of Eve, or do you spend your time with shallower depictions of women as objects or less capable than men? How do your sisters, including your female coworkers and other women you encounter, know of your respect for them? You know the right answers to these questions—and if you need to repent, you need to do it now.

Sisters, are you kind to one another? Do you honor the heritage of womanhood within you with your words and actions? Do you selflessly seek the welfare of others and the will of the Lord, as Eve and Mary did, or do you suppose you can lift yourself while tearing others down?

Relief Society President Jean Bingham taught last month that “studies have shown that the number one reason people leave religion is that they feel judged or unwelcome. That is cited more often than doctrinal disagreement or lack of belief… That situation can be practically eliminated if we really open our arms and hearts to everyone.”

I’m sure each of you can think of times when you or someone close to you has been offended by someone at church. It does not matter if you think the offense is justified. The church should be a safe space where everyone can feel the love of God and of each other. Withhold from criticizing each other’s personal decisions. Focus on being a light for each other, not a judge of each other.

Every woman on this earth is a beloved daughter of heavenly parents. As such, each of you sisters have a divine nature and destiny. Your gender is not a biological coincidence and it is not a mistake. It is an essential characteristic of your individual premortal, mortal and eternal identity and purpose. In the words of Elder Rasband, “you have come [to earth] just at this time to valiantly build up the kingdom of God on the earth.” This is the errand of angels that you have been given.

You are where you are because there are people of every age who need you to reach out to them and help them in ways that only you can; and there are people here who can help you in ways you may not even know you need. Each of us will experience more joy and satisfaction in our lives as we strive to build our brothers and sisters around us.

Now, before I conclude, I know that some of us, for various reasons, may not feel like celebrating Mother’s Day. That is okay. The Lord is mindful of you and those things that are on your hearts today. 

I’d also like to echo several messages from the most recent BYU women’s conference. In doing so, I take inspiration from Sister Wendy Nelson, Sister Sharon Eubank, Sister Sheri Dew, Elder Ronald Rasband, and others who spoke at that conference. I hope some of what they have said will begin to address the things that may be on your mind and heart. Listen to their words:

- Each person is born to do three basic things. First, choose to love God and others. Second, come to know the Savior by repenting and keeping the commandments. Third, establish family relationships on both sides of the veil. Those things may happen in a different order or timing than we expect or desire, but if you’re doing any of those things, you’re fulfilling the thing you were born to do.

- Waiting faithfully upon the Lord for His blessings is “a holy position” and “doesn’t deserve pity.” While waiting, “you are in the company of some of the best souls on Earth.”

- Two similarly faithful women can receive different responses to the same basic questions. One sister may be inspired to attend medical school, for example, while another may feel she should forgo a scholarship and begin a family. What is right for one woman may not be right for another.

- Some of you may have children who are no longer active in the Church. Rather than grieving the children you may feel you have lost, rejoice in the children that you have. Pay attention to the things you enjoy about them and in their good values. Be positive with them and appreciate who they are. It will help your relationship become sweet again.

- Women’s voices and perspectives are present in a variety of Church councils and committees and they are equally important in ward and stake councils.

- Give yourself some grace. A lack of spiritual feeling, particularly if we are struggling with depression or anxiety, isn’t an indication of unworthiness. Sometimes we just need to hold on with our head what we don’t feel in the moment in our heart. We don’t need to compare ourselves today to the way we were on our best days.

In conclusion, Elder Ballard has affirmed, “Sisters, we, your brethren, cannot do what you were divinely designated to do from before the foundation of the world. We may try, but we cannot ever hope to replicate your unique gifts. There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman.”

In this light, we begin to see, as Elder Holland has commented, that “in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, a woman... occupies a majesty all her own in the divine design of the Creator.” That Creator, Jesus Christ, respected and reverenced the women in his life. He saw their spiritual vitality. He knew perfectly of the sacrifices they have made to respond to the will of God and keep His plan moving forward. He saw their divine and infinite potential, and he sees yours.

No wonder it is the women's organization of the Church that so often leads the way in reaching out to friends and neighbors. No wonder the Lord designed the family to pair priesthood and womanhood as evenly yoked saving powers in the lives of God's spirit offspring. Though this day can be difficult for some, it is this glorious heritage we all share that we honor and celebrate each Mother’s Day.

I pray, with Elder Ballard, that God will continually bless the women of the Church, and of our ward, to find joy and happiness in their sacred roles as daughters of God. The leaders of the Church, including Jesus Christ, who is at the head of this Church, believe in you. They are and I am counting on your goodness and your strength, your propensity for virtue and valor, your kindness and courage, your strength and resilience. We believe in your mission as women of God.

What is Our Heavenly Father Really Like?

Fourteen years ago, I sat on the second or third row of a chapel in Frankfurt, Germany, listening to prelude music and watching the rain roll down thick, cobbled windows. The whole mission was in the chapel anticipating the instruction we would receive from Elder L. Tom Perry, who had recently been assigned as the president of the European Central Area.

After the opening hymn and prayer, Elder Perry stood to address us. He did not use the microphone, but walked off the dais and stood in front of the sister missionaries in the first row. There was a short pause while he gathered himself, and then, with his typical booming voice, Elder Perry declared his testimony in two simple words: “God lives.”

I do not remember anything else he said that day, but this testimony seemed to pierce my soul to the very center. I remember the power I felt as he said it and I felt my physical frame trembling for several minutes afterward. I had been on my mission for over a year and could cite many instances before and during my service when I had felt the Holy Ghost testify of truth. I had also had many epiphanies as a high school and college student learning math, chemistry, physics, psychology and the arts. The feeling I had on that day surpassed all. I knew in that moment that God was real.

While I cannot pretend to give you the same experience here today, I can share my testimony that I know God lives. He organizes and governs all things in the universe. He knows all things, has all power, and is present in all places through His Spirit. He sees every sparrow that falls, knows every secret and wills the creation of stars, planets and solar systems. He lends each breath to all living things. All of time-- past, present, and future-- is laid before Him, yet he is not subject to our time or our timing. He is eternal, immutable and divine. We worship him as Elohim, a Hebrew name meaning the gods, but he prefers that we call him Father.

One of the great assignments of our lives is to come to know our Heavenly Father as he really is. During his great intercessory prayer on our behalf, the Savior lamented: “O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee… And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou has sent” (John 17:25, 3).

Indeed, the world has not known Him. The Lakota tribes of North and South Dakota worshipped a “Great Spirit” they called Wankan Tanka, which means, “the Great Mystery”. Christian cultures are not any more clued in, often describing God with contradictions and portraying him in art and film as some variety of glowing orb, floating mist or unseen voice. Many people today are like those Paul found in Greece ignorantly worshipping at the altar of an "unknown God" (Acts 17:23).

This is not because God is hidden or hard to find. There is a great deal we can learn about God in the scriptures and the teachings of modern prophets. I will share some of those things here; but whatever we know about God, we really get to know Him by revelation as we draw near through prayer, serve his children on this earth, and diligently keep his commandments.

In other words, our personal relationship with our Heavenly Father, like any other relationship, requires our time and our attention. We should speak often with him, trust and rely on him and seek with a grateful heart to see his hand in our lives each day. Our testimonies will grow in proportion to our faith and our obedience; and if we look with sufficient faith, we’ll find that our eyes can be opened to see how He is in the details of our lives each and every day.

Now, with that introduction, I’d like to turn to the question suggested by Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane. Who is the only true God, our Heavenly Father, and what is he really like?

Think for a moment about your idea of the perfect father. You may think of many traits your own fathers or grandfathers exhibited, or some things may be different, but I’d bet most of us are thinking of a lot of the same things. Let’s start simple and build up: he would be a man. He would be strong from hard work, but gentle with those he loves. He would love his children more than the whole world. He would respect women, especially his wife. He would be a man of faith and integrity. He would protect and provide for his family. He would teach his children discipline and help them to succeed. He would teach them how to be healthy and happy.

I have probably missed a few important things, but we’re well on our way to the point you know is coming.

Our Father in Heaven is an exalted man, separate and distinct from His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost who shares his influence. He has a body of flesh and bone just as we do (D&C 130:22). We look like him. He has a personality. He has feelings and emotions. He experiences great sorrow when his children suffer, when they sin, and when they commit horrific acts against one another. He also knows the thrill of watching his children overcome a difficult challenge or take a significant step in their journey back to him. Though he cannot always be physically with us, he loves it when we call.

Much of the world assumes that God has always been perfect; he has always been a god. We know that our Heavenly Father experienced mortality much as we do now and that he grew from grace to grace as we are are attempting to do. President Lorenzo Snow wrote the couplet, “As man now is, God once was: As God now is, man may be.”

Through eons of experience and hard work, our Heavenly Father has completed his development, so we say that he is perfect. He is perfect in his knowledge and power, but he is also perfect in his compassion, his empathy and his love for each of us. He understands what we are experiencing and he encourages us to continue in our development until we are complete. “Be ye therefore perfect,” the scriptures direct, “even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).

Many in the world see God as harsh and vengeful. Martin Luther taught that “those who see God as angry do not see him rightly”. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved” (John 3:16-17).

“For I am persuaded,” Paul wrote, “that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God” (Romans 8:38-39). Nephi wrote that the love of God, “sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; wherefore, it is the most desirable above all things… and the most joyous to the soul” (1 Nephi 11:22-23).

You and I are literally children of God. “And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together” (Romans 8). Our Father in Heaven offers us all he has because he loves us more than the whole world.

Our Father in Heaven is not a respecter of persons. He’s not impressed by the color of your skin or the country where you were born or the job that you have or wealth you have accumulated. His commandments are in effect for those with busy schedules, those who are lonely, those who are ignorant and those who are proud. Every soul, regardless of their status or circumstance, is of great worth to him-- worth his time, worth his effort, and worth his love.

The love of God includes a profound respect for women. He does not allow us to make our Heavenly Mother a profanity and he warns against abuse of spouse or offspring with the most serious language. He has placed women in some of the most crucial roles in the plan of salvation and trusts them to nurture and prepare each generation.

One of my favorite quotes from Karl G. Maeser, considered the founder of what became BYU, is his explanation of honor. “I have been asked what I mean by ‘word of honor’”, he said. “I will tell you. Place me behind prison walls--walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground-- there is a possibility that in some way or another I may escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of the circle? No. Never! I’d die first!"

Likewise, our Heavenly Father commits with his word of honor that he is bound to keep his promises when we keep his commandments. It may seem a little obvious to say that God is a man of integrity, but it is crucial to understand if we are to trust him and trust is essential to walking the path toward eternal life. God keeps every promise. He always does what he says he will do.

One of the promises God has made to each of us is that he will pour out the blessings of heaven when we pay our tithing. My wife and I put this to the test when I completed graduate school and we moved for an entry-level job in Virginia. We had two kids, no contacts, a lot of debt and not very much income.

I don’t remember a specific instance when we got a check for exactly the amount we needed or found the food we couldn’t buy on our doorstep; but I do remember that our clothes seemed to last forever. As our kids grew, and we added one more, someone was always looking to donate the size we needed. Our car never broke down. The five dollar pizzas at Little Ceasars tasted amazing. Though we were living in a small house with a possum in the crawl space, life seemed abundant and we came to know our Heavenly Father better as we earnestly prayed for him to help us provide for our family’s needs.

I testify that your Father, who is in heaven, knows the things that you need. “Therefore,” the Savior taught, “Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are you not much better than they?...”

“And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you?... But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:25-26, 28-30, 33).

In addition to providing for our physical needs, our Heavenly Father is anxious to teach us how to be successful and happy. Consider for a moment what you would do if Bill Gates approached you with an offer you couldn’t refuse. Pretend for a moment that the email and the Facebook scams we’ve all seen are true. Bill Gates does want to make you a millionaire or billionaire, and here’s the deal: he’s going to give you the strategy to get there and if you can try pretty hard at it and show some persistence, he will give you the capital to make it the rest of the way. Would you do it?

God has achieved more than any of us can imagine. Even Bill Gates’ money is no object for him. Worldly strength and power are insignificant by comparison. His lifestyle and his joy are the ultimate rewards of eternity. He has cornered the market on peace and happiness; these are his currency. Yet, none of this is proprietary information. Like every good parent, he has given us commandments to protect us and help us learn and grow. He has laid out the path to follow and offers to share everything freely with anyone willing to accept his invitation. We agree to try through five saving ordinances: baptism, confirmation, ordination, endowment and sealing. Lest we fear failure, he has ensured our success within the scope of our agreement; he will provide all that we cannot so long as we sincerely try. He provided a Savior to show us how this was to be done.

Sometimes as we try to follow in our elder brother’s footsteps, course corrections are needed. Paul explained:

“For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?... Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For… he [chastens us] for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness” (Hebrews 12:6-7, 9-10).

While God loves all of his children, status quo is not his goal. Rather, he is focused on maximizing our potential. He has retired from whatever profession he may have once had, he’s seen what there is to see and there are no distractions to pull him away from the work of helping you and I, his family, succeed. His ways and his timing are often different from our own, but he is keenly interested in this work and wants each of us to be wildly successful as he measures it: in joy, in peace, in love and in faith. He will not take away our agency, but he gently guides us toward decisions that will ultimately lead us to our rightful places as heirs of his kingdom.

If you will remember what you thought was an ideal father, I think you’ll find we’ve discussed many of the core attributes of that ideal in the last several minutes. Each of us has a Father in Heaven who has known us for eons of time. He has walked the path we walk, appreciates our differences and sees the potential we all have to become like him. He is our biggest fan, our protector and provider, our mentor, our counselor, our teacher, our friend, our companion and our parent. He loves each of us more than the whole world.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie taught, “It is one thing to know about God and another to know him. We know about him when we learn that he is a personal being in whose image man is created; when we learn that the Son is in the express image of his Father’s person; when we learn that both the Father and the Son possess certain specified attributes and powers. But we know them, in the sense of gaining eternal life, when we enjoy and experience the same things they do. To know God is to think what he thinks, to feel what he feels, to have the power he possesses, to comprehend the truths he understands, and to do what he does. Those who know God become like him, and have his kind of life, which is eternal life” (Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, 3 vols. [1965-73], 1:762).

I have come to know God as I have seen his influence in my life during and since my mission in Frankfurt, Germany. He has helped me find peace when all was lost, share my testimony when I couldn’t find the words, repent when I have fallen short and learn truth when I did not know the way. He has shown me what it is to be father. He has provided for my family and brought joy into our home. So it is with confidence and admiration and love and joy that I can share my testimony that God lives.

Modest is Hottest: Modesty About More Than Clothes

A decade ago I worked at a swimming pool supply store with a good friend. Winters and cloudy days could be slow for business, which for us meant we had time to grab a pizza and talk about whatever came up. Most of those conversations turned to sports, politics or the gospel.

In one discussion, which probably started with my married friend asking me how the dating scene was going, we drifted somehow into a discussion of women's fashion. More specifically, we both agreed that the way a girl dressed changed how we thought about them. Though sexy styles that showed off a lot of a girl's body seemed fun and could get our hormones on high alert, somehow the girls that were fashionable but covered were cuter, more confident, deeper, and more mature.

What we recognized from our experiences was confirmed in a 2009 study conducted by Susan Fiske at Princeton University. Perhaps too briefly summarized, Fiske used brain scans to effectively show that men use the 'tools' part of their brains when they see scantily clad women. She concluded that women that show a lot of their bodies are seen more as objects to be used in the male brain, rather than a person to relate with and connect to emotionally. Fiske's study did not make value judgments or comment on how this reaction in the male brain may be influenced by genetics versus environment, but her revelation on the mental objectification of women has inspired both renewed calls for modesty and at least one emphatic rebuttal that have received significant media coverage for an issue of that has taken so many turns in the spotlight over the last hundred years and more.

The gospel of Jesus Christ does have something to say in the discussion on modesty-- and it may not be what you think you've heard before. As modesty critics have said, the gospel teaches that each of us has our agency (2 Nephi 2:27) and 'men [and women] will be punished for their own sins' (Articles of Faith 1:2). Men are responsible for their own thoughts and actions; a woman's dress (or lack thereof) does not justify inappropriate thoughts or behavior whatsoever.

That hardly lets women off the hook, however. Paul taught the Romans that there should, 'no man [or woman] put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's [or sister's] way' (Romans 14:13). He gave the example to the people of Corinth that 'if meat causes my brother to stumble, I will eat no flesh while the world standeth, lest I make my brother falter' (1 Corinthians 8:13).

At the end of the day, the secular battle over modesty misses the point. Modesty isn't just about how we dress, it is an attitude of humility and decency that applies equally to men and women. It is a willingness to 'glorify God in your body, and in your spirit' rather than seeking undue attention to yourself (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). It applies to how we dress, how we groom ourselves, the language we use and the choices we make about how we will act.

For every lesson we have about women's clothes, there is a lesson to be taught about men shaving and keeping their hair trimmed, a point to be made about the size of our homes or volumes of our vehicles, and still more we should learn about using positive, uplifting language that brings happiness to those around you. Our efforts to be modest will be reflected in our outward appearance and actions, leading to increased guidance and comfort from the Holy Ghost. Extreme or inappropriate behavior in any aspect of our lives, including our thoughts, impairs our ability to receive those quiet promptings.

Modesty is something that we are in our hearts before it is reflected in our appearance. Elder Packer has taught that 'true doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the Gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the Gospel' (CR, October 1986, p. 20). An attitude that is selfless, grateful and modest is one of the natural consequences of frequent gospel study and coming closer to our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. It is an indication of a broken heart and contrite spirit, a clue that we are becoming not just convinced but also converted to the gospel. If we are modest in our hearts things that are immodest will lose their appeal. We will find ourselves drawn to modest homes, modest fashions, and modest behaviors.

Our bodies are sacred gifts from our Heavenly Father. They are created in His image. Paul taught that they are temples for our spirits and of the Holy Ghost, which we have of God... 'For [we] are bought with a price [through the Atonement of Christ]; therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's' (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We are not our own, nor have we the right, regardless of our gender, to covet a body that is not ours nor entice others with something that is only God's to give.

Respect for ourselves, and others' respect for us, begins with modesty. Modesty is anchored in a knowledge of our divine heritage. It endures as we keep the Lord's law of chastity, including chastity in the thoughts and desires of our hearts, and as we strive to have virtue and humility in our conversation and appearance. It is required of men and women alike, and it rewards us with happier lives and a more constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.

Going on ten years since my conversation in the pool supply store, I'm grateful to have met and married a modest woman. She is gorgeous and challenges me to be a little better every day. More often than not I'm the one that is too lazy or sloppy to shave or get out of my sweat pants. The chance to study and write about modesty has encouraged my own efforts to be well groomed,  use uplifting language and respect the divinity in myself and those around me with my thoughts and actions. I know the Lord will expand my ability to have joy and communion with his Spirit as I become consistent in my efforts. He keeps all His promises.

For more on the Church's teachings about modesty, including more specific guidelines for dress and grooming, follow these links to True to the Faith and For the Strength of Youth.

Women in the Gospel

Each of us have been blessed by the women in our lives. Our mothers, grandmothers, sisters, wives, daughters and friends have given us their unparallelled love, their wise counsel, and their gentle care. They have given us life itself and lessons on how to live it well.

The daughters of God have a sensitivity to the spirit, a giving nature, an unrivaled sense of loyalty, and an ability to create and nurture that is unique to feminism. So grand are their gifts that God has entrusted to them the guardianship and stewardship over human life. Nothing could be more grand, more majestic, or more honorable than womanhood and motherhood.

Women are the bedrock of any society. The love of a wife or mother motivates more courageous action than a presidential decree or act of Congress ever could. Wise leaders have always sought to protect women just as they would want to protect any great treasure.

Yet, through the annuls of time there have always been those who have twisted and misrepresented the heritage and destiny of women. They have tried to stereotype women as unintelligent, however beautiful, and have convinced too many that motherhood is little more than an insignificant biological coincidence.

Trouble for women seems to come in large part because of how our first mother, Eve, has been portrayed in art, humor and dogma as, well, the First Stereotype. This couldn't be farther from the truth. Modern prophets give us a different picture of the Mother of All Living:

There is no language that can do credit to our glorious mother, Eve. Eve--a daughter of God, one of the spirit offspring of the Almighty Elohim--was among the noble and great in [premortal] existence. She ranked in spiritual statue, in faith and devotion, in conformity to eternal law with Michael (Bruce R. McConkie. "Eve and the Fall". Woman. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1979. p. 69).

Among the great and mighty ones who were assembled in this vast congregation of the righteous were Father Adam... and our glorious Mother Eve, with many of her faithful daughters who had lived through the ages (Joseph F. Smith, D&C 138:38-39).
 
We and all mankind are forever blessed because of Eve's great courage and wisdom. By partaking of the fruit first, she did what needed to be done. Adam was wise enough to do likewise (Russell M. Nelson, General Conference, October 1993).

It was Eve who first transgressed the limits of Eden in order to initiate the conditions of mortality. Her act, whatever its nature, was formally a transgression but eternally a glorious necessity to open the doorway toward eternal life. Adam showed his wisdom by doing the same...

Some Christians condemn Eve for her act, concluding that she and her daughters are somehow flawed by it... Informed by revelation, we celebrate Eve's act and honor her wisdom and courage in the great episode called the fall (Dallin H. Oaks, General Conference, October 1993).

Eve is, 'honored by Latter-day Saints as one of the most important, righteous, and heroic of all the human family' (Encyclopedia of Mormonism. Macmillan Publishing Company, 1992. 2:475.). Zebedee Coltrin related this insightful vision he shared with Oliver Cowdery and Joseph Smith, the prophet:

The heavens gradually opened and they saw a golden throne, on a circular foundation, something like a lighthouse, and on the throne were two aged personages, having white hair, and clothed in white garments. They were the two most beautiful and perfect specimens of mankind he ever saw. Joseph said, 'They are our first parents,' Adam and Eve (The Words of Joseph Smith. Provo: Brigham Young University. vol. 6.).

That Eve would be exalted to a throne as the lucky consequence of what is often considered a clumsy or unrighteous 'mistake' is inconsistent with the gospel of exaltation, which requires each person to exercise both self-mastery and great faith in intentionally choosing to do what is right. Clearly, popular culture has been wrong about Eve.

Misnomers about Eve, and therefore women in general, may have their origins in both the story of the Creation and the story of the Fall. Others have written more extensively on these subjects, and their works are worth our time and consideration (see 'Mother Eve' by Beverly Campbell or this article by Valerie Hudson Cassler, for example). I will make only a single point about each event here.

First, oppressors of women often point to the verses in Genesis that say Eve was created from Adam's rib to be a 'help meet' for him. They interpret this verse to suggest women exist to serve men. Understanding that the reference to Adam's rib is, 'of course, figurative' (Spencer W. Kimball. Blessings and Responsibilities. Ensign. March 1976, p. 71), we can focus our attention on what it means to be a 'help meet' for someone.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines a 'help meet' as being, 'even with or equal to'. In the article by Beverly Campbell referenced above, she reports that the Hebrew text uses the phrase to mean an equal saving power of some majesty. So President Benson confirmed, 'In the beginning, God placed a woman in a companionship role with the priesthood... She was to act in partnership with him' (To the Elect Women of the Kingdom of God. Woman. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book. 1979. p. 69.).

The Lord confirmed the equality of male and female in another misunderstood verse from Genesis. Elder Bruce C. Hafen explains, 'Genesis 3:16 states that Adam is to 'rule over' Eve, but... over in 'rule over' uses the Hebrew bet, which means ruling with, not ruling over... The concept of interdependent equal partners is well grounded in the doctrine of the restored gospel' (Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners. Ensign, August 2007. pp. 24-29.).

The truth that Eve was Adam's equal-- in intelligence, in spirituality, and in potential-- adds clarity to the account of the Fall. Gospel scholar Hugh Nibley explained that, '[Eve took] the initiative, pursuing the search for ever greater light and knowledge while Adam cautiously holds back... It is she who perceives and points out to Adam that they have done the right thing after all' (Patriarchy and Matriarchy. Old Testament and Related Studies. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book. 1986. p. 92). Eve acted in courage and in faith to complete her mission on earth. This could only have happened as it did if Eve were both capable and involved in the process all along. The blessings given to her from God on account of her righteousness and courage are explained more thoroughly in the writings listed above.

The reality is that while many have used the events of the Creation and the Fall to subject women, these events justify instead a reverence, honor, and yes, a respect for the daughters of Eve who share the divine heritage and spiritual blessings of that great matriarch. This has always been the message of the gospel of Jesus Christ; it is the message of God's prophets to us today.

In the ministry of Jesus Christ, gospel scholars write that the term 'woman' as used by our Savior was 'highly respectful and affectionate', a usual way of speaking with the Jews when they showed the greatest respect to the person spoken to', and 'implying no severity nor disrespect'. Christ used this term tenderly when he spoke to his mother on the cross or when he appeared following his resurrection to Mary Magdalene before showing himself to the apostles.

Elder Quentin L. Cook confirmed in the April 2011 General Conference that 'the errand of angels is given to women'. He said:

Our doctrine is clear: Women are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves them. Wives are equal to their husbands. Marriage requires a full partnership where wives and husbands work side by side to meet the needs of the family... Sisters have key roles in the Church, in family life, and as individuals that are essential in Heavenly Father's plan.

Elder L. Tom Perry taught, 'There is not a president and a vice president in a family. We have co-presidents working together eternally for the good of their family... They are on equal footing. They plan and organize the affairs of the family jointly and unanimously as they move forward' (General Conference, April 2004).

The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches:

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose....

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.

With our gender comes specific, equal roles within the family and society. Some have argued that these roles undermine the equality of men and women. Two principles apply here: first, it is important to understand that 'equal' does not necessarily mean 'same'. Two men may have many differences from the other, yet they may stand on equal ground. Second, we drastically undervalue human life when we suggest that a woman is only a mother. There is no more important role in any organization than being a righteous mother. No CEO or political leader or academic genius can influence society or perform so hallowed a work as a mother with her children.

Elder Cook admonished: 'No woman should ever feel the need to apologize or feel that her contribution is less significant because she is devoting her primary efforts to raising and nurturing children. Nothing could be more significant in our Father in Heaven's plan.' At the same time, 'we should all be careful not to be judgmental or assume that sisters are less valiant if the decision is made to work outside the home. We rarely understand or fully appreciate people's circumstances. Husbands and wives should prayerfully counsel together, understanding they are accountable to God for their decisions.'

Elder Ballard affirms, 'Sisters, we, your brethren, cannot do what you were divinely designated to do from before the foundation of the world. We may try, but we cannot ever hope to replicate your unique gifts. There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman.'

In this light, we begin to see that 'in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, a woman... occupies a majesty all her own in the divine design of the Creator' (Jeffrey R. Holland). We see the intent of her creation to be a power equal to that of men, her spiritual vitality in responding to God's law and moving His plan forward, the respect she has earned from the Savior himself, and her infinite potential. We also see the so-called 'battle of the sexes' as the work of the same devil who was outwitted in the Garden of Eden and seeks to cause oppression and misery on the earth.

No wonder it is the women's organization of the Church that so often leads the way in reaching out to friends and neighbors. No wonder we are commanded and given opportunity to marry, pairing priesthood and womanhood as the perfectly matched parents of God's spirit offspring. As we revere our own mothers for their selfless sacrifice in our birth, so the Spirit has taught prophets in every dispensation the reverence owed to Mother Eve and her daughters. The young women of the Church are reminded as they recite their theme each week; societies around the world would benefit from a similar education.

In the meantime, we can unite our prayers with those of Elder Ballard:

I pray that God will continually bless the women of the Church to find joy and happiness in their sacred roles as daughters of God. My dear sisters, we believe in you. We believe in and are counting on your goodness and your strength, your propensity for virtue and valor, your kindness and courage, your strength and resilience. We believe in your mission as women of God.

Be A Man!

In the most recent general conference, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland made an appeal to the men to, 'step up' and 'be men'. The call to 'be a man', colloquially and sometimes humorously used to motivate a burst of courage, was anything but a joke to Elder Holland.

What does it mean to be a man? The conclusion we come to may depend on who we ask. The world around us sends an ever-changing message on what manhood is. Not many years ago that message was based on grit, toughness and persistence. Clint Eastwood, Rocky Balboa and the generals of World War II were held up as 'real men'.

Now that image of manhood is considered cliche and old fashioned. The world's next attempt to define manhood pointed to the extremely successful-- the Bill Gates' of society who have every want satisfied with money to spare. Just as non-butch young men struggled with the previous definition of manhood, many in the rising generation have become discouraged by worldly pressures to provide an unrealistic level of income for themselves or their families.

Yet modern man, in the world's view, has evolved beyond the role of provider to something much less responsible. Elder D. Todd Christofferson explained it this way:

Some act as if man's highest goal should be his own pleasure. Permissive social mores have 'let men off the hook' as it were, so that many think it acceptable to father children out of wedlock and cohabit rather than marry. Dodging commitments is considered smart, but sacrificing for the good of others, naive.


The elusive, constantly changing messages of what the world calls manhood miss the target entirely and seek only to toss men 'to and fro with every wind of doctrine', as it were. These definitions attempt to restrict men to the selfish impulses of their carnal natures-- the very natures which stand in opposition to God (see Mosiah 3:19, Jeremiah 17:5, D&C 3:7, Moses 1:10).

So we're left again to ask what it means to be a man. The gospel of Jesus Christ provides a firm foundation upon which men can build their identity as men.

The scriptures teach that men are made in the image of God-- literal sons of God, eternal in nature and the focal point of God's glory. Men are called to be stewards over the whole earth and trusted to care for our sisters, daughters of the Most High. Every man has within himself the potential to be like our Heavenly Father, heirs of all He has and able to overcome every obstacle that may fall into our path. Real men, the gospel teaches, are mature, cheerful people who respond to the call to preside and provide.

Modern prophets also show the way to be a man. Elder Christofferson said, 'It is a wonderful aspiration for a boy to become a man--strong and capable; someone who can build and create things, run things; someone who makes a difference in the world.' Citing the proclamation on the family, he continued, 'In large measure, true manhood is defined in our relationship to women'. Real men honor marital vows with complete fidelity, help rear their children, preside with in love and righteousness and take responsibility to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.

Elder Christofferson had a few more things to say about manhood:

Integrity is fundamental to being men. Integrity means being truthful, but it also means accepting responsibility and honoring commitments and covenants... A man of integrity will honestly face and correct his mistakes... True manhood is not always measured by the fruits of one's labors but by the labors themselves-- by one's striving. Though he will make some sacrifices and deny himself some pleasures in the course of honoring his commitments, the true man leads a rewarding life. He gives much, but he receives more, and he lives content in the approval of his Heavenly Father. The life of true manhood is the good life.

President Kimball once quoted U.S. President J. Edgar Hoover's answer to what makes a real man:

There are many things, but perhaps the inner voice he listened to as a young boy was most important of all. That voice we call conscience, and it directs one’s thoughts. What one thinks may find expression in actions. Since repeated actions form habits, the thoughts you are thinking and the things you are doing at this moment tend to reveal the kind of a man you will be.

Were I asked what a boy needs to do today in order to be a man worthy of the name tomorrow, I would say: Never lie and never cheat. A liar is a weakling. A cheat is both a weakling and a thief. In finding the courage to honor truth in all things, you are on the way to self-mastery.

Work hard. Your mind is a storehouse and you stock the shelves. Stock them with quality goods. Remember that the habits of work and study you form today are the ones you will live with tomorrow.

Have fun. Play active games which require stamina and sportsmanship. Abide by the rules yourself. Demand that others do likewise.

Honor your Creator. God is the source of all good. The ideals on which the nation is founded stem from him who is the author of Liberty. You can express appreciation for your priceless heritage best by living according to the code of ‘Duty, Honor, Country, and God.’

If you do these, and in all things do your best, the mind and heart and soul you develop will one day be those of a real man.

These are the ideals of manhood: integrity, kindness, strength, honor and duty.

Manhood finds its ultimate expression in our ultimate example. Pilate may not have understood the significance of his words when he brought Jesus forth wearing a crown of thorns and declared, 'Behold the man!' As Elder Christofferson taught, Christ showed us the way to be men by rejecting temptation, by obedience, by forsaking completely the 'natural man', by service, by fearless opposition to evil and error and by standing firm in defending sacred things and raising a warning voice.

What manner of men ought we to be? Even as he is (3 Nephi 27:27, Matthew 5:48, 1 John 3:2).

As once Lehi called upon his sons to awake and rise from the dust and be men, so the prophets of today have called upon the men of our generation to 'step up'. President Monson has reminded us that we are not spectators. Elder Bednar counseled that when men 'neglect to do what is necessary to qualify for priesthood power' their efforts are 'unnaceptable to the Lord'. Elder Uchtdorf called upon men to put into practice dormant doctrines-- those that lie in our hears yet unapplied in our lives-- to qualify ourselves as husbands, fathers and sons.

Rise up, O men of God!

Have done with lesser things.

Give heart and soul and mind and strength

To serve the King of Kings.

Rise up, O men of God,

In one united throng.

Bring in the day of brotherhood

And end the night of wrong.

Rise up, O men of God!

Tread where his feet have trod.

As brothers of the Son of Man,

Rise up, O men of God!