When Parents Go Astray (or Reject Us for Our Faith)

Amulek was a man "of no small reputation" when he was called by an angel to host a prophet in his home. He had a large extended family and many friends (Alma 10:4). Yet, as Amulek listened to the prophet Alma and returned to his faith, Amulek's many friends and family remained hard in their hearts and rejected Amulek (Alma 15:16). Among the many, Amulek specifically mentions one whose loss must have been most painful: his father, Giddonah.

For each of us, parents are foundational to our lives and identity. They provide essential love, guidance, and support that helps us develop physically, emotionally, mentally, and socially. Parents are our first role models and we first learn to see the world, and ourselves, through their eyes. Some of us, like Nephi, are fortunate to have "goodly parents" who provide support and counsel that sustain us for the majority of our lives (1 Nephi 1:1). Others, like Amulek, are given the emotionally wrenching trial of reconciling conflicts between their faith, family, and identity when parents go astray or reject them for their faith.

Abraham was among the second group. His father, Terah, turned from faith in God to practice the idolatry that was popular at that time. When Abraham refused his father's idolatry, his father "hearkened not unto [his] voice, but endeavored to take away [his] life" (Abraham 1:7). Abraham soon realized that he had to leave home to find greater peace, happiness, and knowledge for his life (Abraham 1:1-2).

Both Amulek and Abraham learned by experience that strait paths aren't always straight ones. Strait paths are narrow and often difficult. They wind and turn like the trail to a mountain summit with rocks and hills and cliffs along the way. Faith and family challenges do not exempt us from making the journey; rather, they help us recognize where the paths diverge.

Abraham could have joined his father in idolatry. He could have run away and then been satisfied to live an average life in some other city. In fact, he could have made a lot of choices that would have made him perfectly unremarkable and absent from the chronicles of history.

Instead, Abraham's experiences with his father kindled a desire to become a high priest and a father of many nations. He decided to pursue a path of obedience to the commandments that would help him realize the greater peace, happiness, rest, knowledge and righteousness he desired.

From the outside looking in, the strait path of Abraham's life looked anything but peaceful. Abraham wandered across the Middle East, fleeing from famines and wrestling with the challenges of a polygamous family. When his nephew, Lot, was captured by a coalition of four kings, Abraham built a small army and fought to save Lot from the kings. He witnessed the miraculous birth of his son, Isaac, and then was wrenched by a commandment to sacrifice his son just as Abraham's father had once tried to sacrifice Abraham.

Along the way however, Abraham was delivered many times until his faith became unshaken int the Lord. He was given priesthood power and received temple knowledge through revelation and the visitation of angels. Abraham was eventually blessed with posterity as the sands of the sea and the promised land that he desired.

Amulek faced a similar fork on the road. He had been a very successful businessman in the ancient American city of Ammonihah. After abandoning his profession to serve a mission, and being rejected by his parents and family for it, Amulek endured abuses in prison, watched his government murder innocent women and children, and lost all of his possessions in a war. He was also delivered from the prison and the corrupt society in which he lived, given the faith and power to teach, and preserved from an invading army.

The Lord who guided Abraham and Amulek is also mindful of those with challenging parental relationships in our day. He has promised: "I have looked upon thy works and I know thee... Behold, the days of thy deliverance are come, if thou wilt hearken unto my voice" (D&C 39:7, 10). As he delivered Abraham and Amulek from their sorest trials, he will also fight our battles and advocate with the Father on our behalf. He wants us to be wildly successful and looks for opportunities to bless us individually. He sees us as part of his family even when our families on earth no longer do.

At the same time, family challenges are an opportunity for us to decide which path to take in our lives. Are we willing to walk the strait path toward the mountain's summit and faithfully strive to overcome the many challenges there? Or will we settle for some other trail?

The trail to the summit is only possible if we will come unto Christ and yoke ourselves with him (Matthew 11:28-30). Experiencing rejection for our beliefs or watching parents or loved ones leave the Church can challenge our testimonies like an earthquake challenges the integrity of a building. It is critical in these challenges that we hold fast to the faith and testimony we have been given, fill our lives (and social media feeds) with the words of Christ, and then continue to build a solid foundation "upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God" (Helaman 5:12). 

As we climb, we will need to abandon any unnecessary weight we are carrying. This includes forgiving our parents or others who have been hurtful. Abraham forgave his father and helped him move to a new land when a serious drought came. Abraham's father returned to idolatry and Abraham left for good, but he still prayed that the Lord would take away the drought that plagued his father's house. We are not expected to stay in relationships or environments that are abusive or unsafe, but through faith in Christ we can learn to love and forgive those who may have hurt or offended us.

We may also have to be willing to give up our families for a time. Christ taught that it was better to lose a member of our body-- like an arm or an eye-- than to be whole and unworthy of his presence. Likewise, it is better to be separated from a member of our family-- even our parents-- than to follow them away from the strait path that leads to Christ. The Lord has promised that, as we do, "every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life" (Matthew 19:29).

Whether physically separated or not, the commandment to honor our parents remains in force. There are many meanings of the word "honor," but each returns to principles of respect and righteousness. President Spencer W. Kimball once taught, "If we truly honor [our parents], we will seek to emulate their best characteristics and to fulfill their highest aspirations for us... Nothing we could give them would be more prized than righteous living" (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, p. 348). We honor our parents, both on earth and in heaven, as we strive to live righteously and follow their best examples.

Apostasy or abandonment from parents is an emotionally wrenching trial that can challenge even our core identity. As we turn to Christ with our challenge, we can be "born again" and learn to see the world, and ourselves, with a more eternal perspective. We can more readily receive of divine love, support, and guidance, recognize diverging paths, have the faith to forgive and endure, and be delivered from our sorest trials, even as we ascend toward the summit of everlasting life.

Finding Swing

It is awesome, in the true sense of that word, to watch Olympic athletes compete in swimming, gymnastics, track, basketball, volleyball, and all of the other events. One of the events that I will watch a little closer this year is rowing.

Honestly, I wasn’t particularly interested in rowing until I read the book The Boys in the Boat that was recently made into a movie. That story follows the 1936 men’s rowing team from the University of Washington, which seemed to have every disadvantage. They were from working class families in small lumber and mining towns and didn’t have the resources of their competition. Many of the team were new to rowing and no one outside of the team believed they could win. Despite the disadvantages, Washington beat the elite teams at Navy and Cal to represent the United States at the Olympics in Germany.

Adolf Hitler saw the 1936 Olympics as an opportunity to prove Aryan supremacy and German dominance to the world. On the day of the final race, with Hitler looking on, German officials decided that the slowest qualifiers—Germany and Italy—should be in the most protected lanes. The American team would have the roughest water, some of the team members had become seriously ill, and the wind made it difficult to hear the coxswain who shouted instructions from the front of the boat. But during the race, something happened that rowers call “swing.” The book describes it this way:

There is a thing that sometimes happens that is hard to achieve and hard to define. It’s called “swing.” It happens only when all are rowing in such perfect unison that not a single action is out of sync.

Rowers must rein in their fierce independence and at the same time hold true to their individual capabilities. Races are not won by clones. Good crews are good blends—someone to lead the charge, someone to hold something in reserve, someone to fight the fight, someone to make peace. No rower is more valuable than another, all are assets to the boat, but if they are to row well together, each must adjust to the needs and capabilities of the others—the shorter-armed person reaching a little farther, the longer-armed person pulling in just a bit.

Differences can be turned to advantage instead of disadvantage. Only then will it feel as if the boat is moving on its own. Only then does pain entirely give way to exultation. Good “swing” feels like poetry. 

The members of that team describe those moments of “swing” as a holy experience that meant even more than winning Olympic Gold. That lingering feeling stayed with them all of their lives.

There are at least four ways the Lord has invited us to have swing in our lives. We are to be one with ourselves, one with our spouses, one with God, and one with our fellowman.

Elder Packer once told of a severe winter in Utah when deep snow had driven the deer very low into some of the valleys. Seeing that the deer were out of their natural habitat, some well-meaning agencies tried to respond by bringing in hay for the deer to eat. Unfortunately, many of the deer were later found dead. Those who handled the animals afterward said that the deer had starved to death with stomachs full of hay. The deer had been fed, but they had not been nourished and the hay they could not digest left no room for the nutrition they needed to survive.

In a similar way, there are influences all around us that try to fill us with messages that can starve our souls and distract us from those things that would bring genuine physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. We are encouraged to incur debt to “live our best life” and appear more prosperous than we really are. There is an abundance of food that is more harmful than helpful to our bodies. Tribalized news is on every channel to feed our individual and collective confirmation biases and maintain a constant sense of righteous indignation. There is an endless supply of games and other virtual experiences that give us fake successes and a hollow kind of confidence as imaginary sports superstars, army snipers, farm managers, and even city managers. We hear of people who look for love and connection online only to learn their affections were based on false representations. Despite the volume, there is little nourishment in these offerings. They are literally unbelievable.

“The Lord knows who we really are, what we really think, what we really do, and who we are really becoming” (Bednar, Things as They Really Are, June 2010).  As spirit sons and daughters of God, the Family proclamation says we “accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize [our] divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.”

The scriptures and living prophets have taught us that we will experience greater joy in our lives when there is high fidelity between who we really are and the person we are being on the outside. Being one with ourselves includes focusing on what is real—real opportunities to share a hug or serve a neighbor, real achievements as we strive toward personal and family goals, real food including vegetables, fruits, and whole grains, real prosperity through self-reliance, and the reality of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the redemptive and enabling power it can bring into our lives. We should be the same person alone, at home, at work, online, with friends, and in public. Having swing in our lives requires us to spend time with ourselves, evaluate how we are doing from time to time, see how we have changed, and make plans and goals to help us grow into our full and divine potential.

Steven Covey wrote in his popular 7 Habits book about a cycle of maturity that we all experience. As children, we are dependent on others for everything. As teenagers and young adults, we become independent and able to provide for our own needs. When we then surrender our independence to become interdependent with another person, the results are consistently greater than the sum of the parts.

The City of Enoch experienced interdependence on a societal scale. As they lived the law of consecration, they were able to completely eliminate all poverty from their community. Spiritual interdependence facilitated such righteousness, such harmony and “swing,” that the entire city was taken from the earth and promoted, as it were, to a terrestrial world.

Our marriages are intended to be interdependent, exalting relationships like the City of Enoch. Elder Bednar has taught:

By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fulness of glory. Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other. “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Cor. 11:11; emphasis added).

Our First Parents provided an example of the full partnership God intends every marriage to be. After being driven from the Garden of Eden, and the free rent and food provided there, Adam, “began to till the earth... and to eat his bread by the sweat of his brow... And Eve... did labor with him” (Moses 5:1).

Elder Marion G. Romney referenced this passage when he said, “The word with... is very significant. It means more than physical labor. It connotates a common purpose, understanding, cooperation and love… In Latter-day Saint families the husband and wife must be one.”

Despite our different roles at times, husbands and wives can enjoy full partnership with their spouse when they take care to work with each other rather than merely working near each other. The Family Proclamation counsels couples to pray together, respect each other, forgive one another, have fun together, and help one another as equal partners.

When Tara and I were married, she had already graduated from BYU and was teaching at a nearby elementary school. She had a newer car, a rented duplex, and minimal debt. I, on the other hand, was sleeping on a buddy’s couch with no car and a growing collection of student loans.

With our marriage, we became a family unit. In the spirit of consecration, each of us gave what we had to our newly-formed family. I became a proud co-owner of a little white Hyundai and the folks at the student loan office were suddenly very interested in Tara’s contact information.

A similar thing happens to us on the day we step into the waters of baptism. When we are baptized, we covenant with the Lord that we will always be willing to keep his commandments, remember him and take his name upon ourselves like a bride takes the name of her groom. In other words, we covenant that we are willing to be one entity with our Savior in the eyes of eternal law.

In the spirit of consecration, we give our debt of sin and imperfection to the newly-formed entity. At the same time, the Lord offers up his wealth of grace available through his infinite Atonement. Imagining for a moment that we could measure our sin with a number, the principles of mathematics tell us that it does not matter whether that number is negative six or negative six hundred trillion. Both of these numbers are equally imperfect and yet, when added to a perfect and infinite Atonement, both numbers are completely wiped out. Negative six plus infinity is infinity. Negative six hundred trillion plus infinity is infinity. In this way, though we are not perfect, each of us can be declared perfect as a consequence of our unity with our perfect Savior, made possible through a covenant or contract that is valid in the sight of eternal law, making us joint-heirs with Christ of all the Father has (Romans 8:17).

Our covenant agreement with the Lord requires us to work with Him in the same way that Eve worked with Adam. With an eye single to the glory of God, we must rein in our fierce independence, and the natural man, and at the same time hold true to our individual capabilities to do good and accomplish the mission the Lord has in store for us.

Elder Uchtdorf has taught:

Our relationship with God is most sacred and vital. We are His spirit children. He is our Father. He desires our happiness. As we seek Him, as we learn of His Son, Jesus Christ, as we open our hearts to the influence of the Holy Spirit, our lives become more stable and secure. We experience greater peace, joy, and fulfillment as we give our best to live according to God's eternal plan and keep his commandments.

We improve our relationship with our Heavenly Father by learning of Him, by communing with Him, by repenting of our sins, and by actively following Jesus Christ... To strengthen our relationship with God, we need some meaningful alone time with Him. Quietly focusing on daily personal prayer and scripture study, always aiming to be worthy of a current temple recommend-- these will be some wise investments of our time and efforts to draw closer to our Heavenly Father.

The kind of prayer that builds unity with God comes from the depths of our souls. It requires self-reflection and studying our thoughts, desires, and decisions before we approach the Lord. Elder Porter once taught that “God knows our innermost thoughts and feelings even better than we do, but as we learn to share them with Him, we make it possible for His Spirit to enter our souls and teach us more about our own selves and about the nature of God. By making ourselves totally honest, open, and submissive before God, our hearts become more receptive to His counsel and His will.”  In other words, as we spend time in heartfelt prayer, we can become one in purpose with our Heavenly Father.

As we open our hearts to the will of God, and strive to become one with Him, He will teach us about two gospels. The first is a preparatory gospel that focuses on learning obedience and receiving the blessings promised for our faithfulness. The preparatory gospel builds the foundation for our testimony with checklists and formulas to guide our obedient lives, deal with perceived scarcity, and do our duty.

In the Aaronic or Preparatory Priesthood, for example, prayers for the sacrament and baptism are provided verbatim. The Law of Tithing is a preparatory law that prescribes an amount to give back to the Lord-- no more, no less-- and is often associated with specific blessings for our obedience. In Primary we learn formulas that help us know how to say a prayer and how to repent of our sins. The former Boy Scouts and Young Women Personal Progress programs outlined specific actions that, if completed, earned merit badges or medallions or other external recognitions that were indicative of our progress and development. Prior home and visiting teaching efforts were also somewhat scripted with a monthly message in the Ensign and a leader calling at the end of each month to see if you had made the visits you were assigned.

Parallel to the preparatory gospel is a second phase of learning and development we might call the "higher law" or the "fullness of the gospel". The principles of the gospel in this phase build upon and are inseparably connected with those of the preparatory gospel, yet here our discipleship is no longer transactional. We still obey the commandments with all of our hearts, but we do so because we love the Lord more than we expect a blessing. We learn to give without expecting anything in return because we love God's children and want to bless their lives (see John 13:34-35).

In the higher law, we abandon the checklists and formulas that sometimes lead to unrighteous judgements of others or assumptions that only a few of God's children will be saved. In their place, we learn to follow promptings of the spirit and act on the circumstances of the moment. We come to know the abundance of the Lord: that He who multiplied the loaves and fishes has blessings and salvation for "all the works of his hands" (D&C 76:43) and He has asked us to return to Him in groups.

Just as obedience is the appropriate focus of the preparatory gospel, with 613 commandments in the Law of Moses to practice that obedience, the fullness of the gospel, the Law of Christ, highlights only two: to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-40). When two holders of the Melchizedek Priesthood lay their hands on someone's head to give them a blessing, demonstrating this love for God and their fellow man, the spirit guides their words accordingly. We are all likewise called to practice loving others and following the resulting promptings of the spirit as we gather together at church and as families, minister to one another, set goals with our children and youth, and begin to live the law of consecration with our time, talents, and resources.

Ultimately, we cannot be one with God without also striving to be of one heart and one mind with those around us. If God loves His children, and I testify that he does, than one way to be one with him is to strive to love those same children of our Heavenly Father. 

As he introduced the transition from home and visiting teaching to ministering, Elder Holland said:

Brothers and sisters, we have a heaven-sent opportunity as an entire Church to demonstrate ‘pure religion … undefiled before God’—'to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light’ and to ‘comfort those that stand in need of comfort,’ to minister to the widows and the fatherless, the married and the single, the strong and the distraught, the downtrodden and the robust, the happy and the sad—in short, all of us, every one of us, because we all need to feel the warm hand of friendship and hear the firm declaration of faith… As [we do so,] we lift our spiritual eyes toward living the law of love more universally."]

Can you imagine a society where each of us was one with ourselves, one with our spouses, one with God, and one with our fellowman? A society where we all brought our talents and experiences into perfect swing? I feel like I can only start to glimpse what that might be like and it is awesome in the truest sense of that word.

Gardening, Covenants, and Enduring Love

"Nurtured by the Word" by Greg Olsen

After graduating from BYU, our family moved to Arizona to be closer to some extended family living there. We could only afford a small apartment at first, so, anxious to be self-reliant and care for our young family's needs, we asked a family member if we could use some of their backyard for a garden. They agreed and we got started.

The sunbaked earth in Mesa, Arizona, isn’t exactly dirt and it certainly isn’t soil for a garden. It’s much more like clay, which meant we really had our work cut out for us. We borrowed a tiller to start breaking up the chunks of ground and mixing in soil and fertilizer. We researched what to plant and when to plant it. We made furrows for planting squash, set up strings for the pea plants to climb, bought wire cages for the tomatoes, and built mounds for the melons and cucumbers. It was perhaps a bigger project than we expected, so we were delighted when we had finally put the last seed in the ground.

Of course, planting was only the beginning. We had arranged for our family member to help water the plants during the week, but we still needed to visit at least weekly to weed and care for the plants. It was always incredible to see how many weeds could grow in a single week, especially when nothing had grown in that spot for years (or maybe ever). The weeds grew so fast, I sometimes lectured the plants under my breath that if they would just grow like the weeds did maybe we could be harvesting by now. The plants didn’t seem to listen, so back we’d go with our one-year-old son to pull what we hoped would mostly be weeds and attend to any other needs in our little garden.

After a while, the excitement completely wore off. With busy work, graduate school, and church schedules, it was easy to wish we could spend what free time we had doing something fun or relaxing as a family. There were days when I would have volunteered to do nothing rather than going to care for the garden, but we knew we wouldn't harvest much if the weeds took over. So, while we slacked off a little here and there, we kept going most weeks to do what needed to be done in our little garden.

Excitement returned when the first zucchini were ready to be harvested. They were so big and so good! The squash and tomatoes soon followed. Though the results were delayed, we were grateful for the garden that gave us so much good food.

We also began to see how even occasional negligence had diminished what the garden could have been. If we had set up shade for the cucumbers and peas in time, they might not have withered in the hot Arizona sun. If we had been there to get the melons off the ground when they first began to grow, the bottoms may not have rotted. We didn't intend for these things to happen when we decided to skip a day in the garden, but they were the natural consequences of our inconsistent care.

Our marriages can be like a garden. As I share some principles in the context of marriage, I invite you to think about your relationship with your spouse, if you have one, or, if you are presently single, your part in the covenant marriage relationship the Lord will give you, when the time is right, if you desire it. C.S. Lewis observed:

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling.

Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ‘being in love’ usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending ‘They lived happily ever after’ is taken to mean ‘They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,’ then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships?

But, of course, ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense—love as distinct from ‘being in love’—is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself.

They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

Speaking of engines, most of us think of our cars, and the engines in them, as an investment. That isn’t strictly true from a financial management perspective, but we treat our vehicles as investments anyway. It costs a lot of money to buy a car. We probably took some time with our last vehicle purchase to research which one could fit enough passengers, had the right mileage or price or color, and any other features that were important to us. When we found the one we wanted, we signed the purchase agreement and were excited to drive it home.

Anyone who has ever owned a car knows that they require consistent care and maintenance. We make sure there is gas in the tank and air in the tires. We make sure the oil gets changed when it should and that the tires get rotated. The brakes and air filters need to be replaced periodically and the fluids need to be topped off. Every so often, you make sure to wash and wax the car and vacuum the inside. Sometimes your car needs new windshield wipers or spark plugs or a new windshield altogether. Some of us may have put covers over the seats and steering wheel to protect the interior. When collisions or malfunctions occur, we try to fix them if we can. We are always working on our cars because we know they represent a significant investment of our resources and we want them to last; and in the hands of a skilled mechanic, they can last for decades. In fact, if we care for them well enough, they become an investment even from a financial management perspective.

In a similar way, each of us probably did some research when we were dating our spouse to make sure they had the characteristics and features that were important to us. We fell in love, signed our legally-binding marriage certificate, and were excited for our new life together. This was the planting, the explosion that got our engines running. Our marriages will require consistent care and maintenance if we are to experience the deep unity of enduring love and become "one flesh" (D&C 49:16), as the Lord directs, after the excitement of being in love wears off.

In 2006, then-Elder Russell M. Nelson taught that, "marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other human relationship. Yet some married couples fall short of their full potential. They let their romance become rusty, take each other for granted, allow other interests or clouds of neglect to obscure the vision of what their marriage really could be. Marriages [like gardens] would be happier if nurtured more carefully" (Nurturing Marriage, April 2006).

Elder Nelson went on to suggest that we could more carefully nurture our marriages by understanding the doctrinal foundations for marriage and then taking specific actions to strengthen our relationship. He taught:

Marriage is the foundry for social order, the fountain of virtue, and the foundation for eternal exaltation. Marriage has been divinely designated as an eternal and everlasting covenant. Marriage is sanctified when it is cherished and honored in holiness. That union is not merely between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with God. 'Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other' (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). Children born of that marital union are 'an heritage of the Lord' (Psalms 127:3). Marriage is but the beginning bud of family life; parenthood is its flower. And that bouquet becomes even more beautiful when graced with grandchildren. Families may become as eternal as the kingdom of God itself.

Marriage is both a commandment and an exalting principle of the gospel... True happiness [in marriage] is predicated upon personal purity... Marriage should ever be a covenant to lift husbands and wives to exaltation in celestial glory.

Marriage was intended by the Lord to endure beyond physical death... Priesthood offices, keys, callings, and quorums are meant to exalt families. Priesthood authority has been restored so that families can be sealed eternally.

With these doctrinal underpinnings, we can take specific actions to improve our marriages. In his 2006 talk, Elder Nelson suggested that we could learn to better appreciate one another, better communicate with one another, and spend more time contemplating together the sacred covenants we have made. Each of us might consider these invitations and any other ways we might feel we can nurture our relationships in a spirit of selflessness and generosity.

Now, in cars, love, and gardening, we don’t always get the ideal scenario. Some seeds are planted by professionals in the fertile soils of the Salinas or San Joaquin Valleys and others are left for amateurs to bury in the hard clay of Arizona. Some seeds may seem to grow well for a while and then become choked by weeds or begin to wither under the heat of some intense pressure; but whatever our circumstance, our seeds will grow when we appropriately and consistently nurture, weed, and care for them.

President Gordon B. Hinckley shared this quote from Jenkin Lloyd Jones in a speech at BYU in 1973:

Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he [or she] has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just like people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.

Life is just like an old-time rail journey… delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.

To be clear, this does not excuse marital abuse, neglect, or infidelity. In a relationship between a married couple and the Lord, these offenses are grievous sins against your spouse and against the Lord. The Lord makes it clear that it would have been better for us to have not been born than to commit such offenses, and especially to do so and leave them without correction and the most sincere and difficult kind of repentance. He makes it equally clear that, while we are all required to forgive those who have offended us, we are not required to continue to endure or return to an abusive relationship. Any sort of manipulation that is strung together to make you think otherwise is just that—manipulation. It is not inspired. It is not from God.

Elder Holland taught, “In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, one who is constantly critical of you, one who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor. Life is tough enough without the person who is supposed to love you leading the assault on your self-esteem, your sense of dignity, your confidence, and your joy. In this person’s care, you deserve to feel physically safe and emotionally secure.”

But outside of those situations, which one would hope are more rare than common, it helps to remember that planting is only the beginning. "[Love] is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God." So what thoughts and desires do you allow to direct your will? What habits have you built to deliberately strengthen your relationship with your spouse? Are you asking the Lord for his grace and blessing in your prayers? Are you treating your relationship with the consistency and attentiveness you would give to a great investment? In the words of a local football coach, can you win with the effort that you are giving?

Elder David A. Bednar has taught that "we grow to love those whom we serve" (If Ye Had Known Me, October 2016). If we start to feel like our relationships are mostly smoke and cinders, selflessly serving our spouse with the same diligence we might give a new car or a nice garden will help us clear the weeds and get us back on track.

Whether married or single, we should also be mindful that Christ compares our relationship with him to a marriage. Conversion for many of us requires some research. If we "give place, that a seed may be planted in [our hearts], behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if [we] do not cast it out by [our] unbelief... behold, it will begin to swell within [our] breasts... [and we] will begin to say within [ourselves]-- It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me" (Alma 32:28).

We are excited when we are baptized and enter an eternally-binding covenant relationship with our Savior. That union is not between ourselves and our Savior alone; it embraces a partnership with God. Most of us have patches of hard clay in our hearts, which means we have our work cut out for us. The Savior invites us to take his yoke upon ourselves so that he can help us carry our burdens. He invites us to put our lives in His hands-- the hands of the Master Gardener and Skilled Mechanic for our hearts. But this is only the planting, the explosion that gets our engines running. Consistent care, maintenance and nurturing is needed if we are to "be one" with Christ (John 17:20-21).

We can more carefully nurture our relationship with Christ as we seek in the scriptures, through the words of the prophets, and in sincere prayer, to understand the doctrinal underpinnings of our covenants with Him and then take specific actions to strengthen our relationship. We might consider developing more gratitude for the blessings the Lord has given us, learning to better communicate with Him and hear His voice, spending more time contemplating the sacred covenants we have made, and any other ways we might feel we can nurture our relationship in a spirit of humility and selflessness.

Our relationship with our Savior brings greater possibilities for happiness than any other relationship we can have. That happiness as a covenant disciple of Christ is predicated upon our personal purity. Our covenants with God include the gift of the Holy Ghost, who will sanctify us and lead us to make and keep sacred covenants in the temple that are designed to lift us to exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom.

Yet, sometimes we let our relationship with Christ fall short of its full potential. In the months and years following our baptism, we often do not always feel the same burning spiritual confirmation, or "swelling motions," that helped us know the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ and its restoration in modern times. Our lives get busy and we sometimes don't want to do the spiritual work to maintain our relationship with Him. We allow clouds of neglect to obscure the vision of what our relationship with Him could be.

When we are inconsistent in maintaining our relationship with Christ, we sometimes miss blessings we could have otherwise received. Deep unity in our relationship with Christ is maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which we ask, and receive, from God.

So what thoughts and desires do you allow to direct your will? What habits have you built to deliberately strengthen your relationship with Christ? Are you treating your covenant relationship with the consistency and attentiveness you would give to a great investment? Can you win with the effort you are giving?

When we start to feel like our relationship with Christ is smoke and cinders, we can remember Elder Bednar's teaching that "selflessly serving others counteracts the self-centered and selfish tendencies of the natural man. We grow to love those whom we serve. And because serving others is serving God, we grow to love Him and our brothers and sisters more deeply [when we serve]. Such love is a manifestation of the spiritual gift of charity, even the pure love of Christ" (If Ye Had Known Me, October 2016). God knows this and wants us to be wildly successful, so he has asked us to promise, and even to covenant, that we will bear one another’s burdens, mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort (Mosiah 18:8-10).

Our relationships with God and our Savior, Jesus Christ, are reflected in the way we love one another. We cannot love God while we are belittling or criticizing His children—and that means any of His children for any reason, regardless of our age, relationships, political views, cultural heritage, or anything else. We cannot ignore our covenants to minister and serve one another without some blessings withering or rotting on the vine. And similarly, we cannot deny the Lord time together in prayer, scripture study, and in the temple, and expect to have oil in our lamps to light the way today, particularly through our darkest times, and be prepared for when He comes again.

Thankfully, the opposite is also true. A kind word or a plate of cookies can connect us with our brothers and sisters and bring joy into our lives and theirs. Helping someone complete a project or a chore can build fellowship and understanding. I have seldom given a priesthood blessing when I did not feel the love of the Lord for the person receiving that blessing. Careful scripture study, sincere prayers, and devoted temple attendance bring peace and faith into our lives. Each of these things—joy, love, patience, understanding, peace, and faith—are fruits of the Spirit of the Lord (Galations 5:22-23) and evidence of His forgiveness for us and our relationship with Him.

Though our effort to nurture the garden in Arizona was imperfect, the consistency of that effort led to a bountiful harvest that was likely much more than we deserved. To this day, we still don't know how we got so many zucchini! In a similar way, though our effort will not always be perfect, the Lord has promised those who consistently keep their covenants with Him, and with their spouses, that their relationships will endure beyond the grave. They will have happiness in peace through the trials of this life and throughout eternity. Together, as one flesh united with God, they will inherit all that He has, certainly more than any of us could ever deserve, and the bud of their marriage will flower into the abundant garden of their posterity (D&C 132:19).

Following Christ

As we have studied the New Testament again this year, it has been interesting to read again about how Christ called each of his disciples. He called Matthew as he passed by the tax office where Matthew worked. The Lord called Phillip and Phillip brought Nathanael, who believed when Christ told him about a private moment he had under a fig tree. Andrew believed the preaching of John the Baptist and brought his brother, Simon Peter, to meet the Messiah. The Lord later called Andrew, Peter, James, and John, from their fishing boats after performing a miracle to fill their nets with fish.

Though each of these men would eventually be ordained as apostles, they were first called to be disciples. Others were called too: Mary called Magdalene, Joanna, the wife of Herod’s steward, Susanna, Salome, and many others recognized the Savior and accepted the call to follow him (Luke 8:2-3).

So what was it these disciples were called to do?

To the fishermen, Andrew, Peter, James, and John, the Lord called, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men” (Matthew 4:18). To Matthew, son of Alpheas, as with Phillip, Nathanael, and others, the Lord said simply, “follow me.” To the rich young ruler, the Lord called, “Sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, follow me” (Luke 18:22). Indeed, “if any man will come after me,” the Lord taught, “let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16).

Following Christ is more than just believing in him. It is doing the things that he did during his life and that he would do again if he were here with us today. Alma taught that the members of Christ’s church follow him when they “are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death” and enter into covenants to serve him and keep his commandments (Mosiah 18:8-10).

Each of us is a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ who has accepted the call to follow him and covenanted through baptism and temple ordinances to serve him and keep his commandments. So what do you think it is that he has called you and I to do? That is, what would Christ do if he were to come to our community today?

I believe he would minister to us like he did to the people he visited in 3 Nephi. He would command “that none of you should go away, but rather… that ye should come unto me, that ye might feel and see” (3 Nephi 18:25). He would administer the sacrament and minister especially to our children and youth. He would teach us and perform miracles. He would invite the Holy Spirit to change our hearts and admonish us to put an end to all contention, to love one another, and to hold up our light, which is Christ, that it may shine unto the world (3 Nephi 18:24).

The invitation to us is to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and come and follow Christ. Come and do the things that he would do if he were here. Set aside the cares of the world and come learn the word of God. Let go of criticism, cynicism, and doubt and come, minister to one another with love, especially for our children and youth. Come partake of the sacrament each week and invite the spirit into your life to change your heart. Come perform miracles. Come hold up your light and witness of Christ at all times and in all things and in all places.

After they had received the priesthood, Christ sent his disciples on assignments to “the lost sheep of the house of Israel”. He admonished them to preach as they went and charged them to, “heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, [and] cast out devils” (Matthew 10:6-8). They returned rejoicing and astonished at the miracles they had performed in the name of Christ (Luke 9:10, 10:17).

Yet, on another occasion, a “certain man” approached the Savior and begged on his knees: “Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is lunatic, and sore vexed: for ofttimes he falleth into the fire, and oft into the water. And I brought him to thy disciples, and they could not cure him” (Matthew 17:15-16).

After the Lord had rebuked the devil and cured the child, the disciples asked why they had not been successful. “And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you. Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting” (Matthew 17:18-21).

We can pray and fast for direction and courage to share the gospel. Surely Christ would be anxiously engaged in this work if he were in our community; and He is just as anxious to teach us what to do and guide us to those He has prepared. Just as a tiny mustard seed grows into a large seed, at least some of our fasting and prayer today must be for the faith to believe that, as we follow Christ and do the things he would do, our ward can grow into something greater than it is.

President Ballard once related the following story in General Conference:

“Some years ago a faithful convert, Brother George McLaughlin, was called to preside over a small branch of 20 members in Farmingdale, Maine. He was a humble man, driving a milk delivery truck for a living. Through his fasting and earnest prayer, the Spirit taught him what he and the members of his branch needed to do to help the Church grow in their area. Through his great faith, constant prayer, and powerful example, he taught his members how to share the gospel.

“It’s a marvelous story, one of the great missionary stories of this dispensation. In just one year there were 450 convert baptisms in the branch. The next year there were an additional 200 converts. … Just five years later, the Augusta Maine Stake was organized. Much of the leadership of that new stake came from those converts in the Farmingdale Branch.

“Now we might ask why there was such great success in those days, and the answer may be because of the urgent need to strengthen the Church. Let me assure you that that same urgency in all units of the Church is every bit as critical today as it was then” (April 2003).

President Nelson has promised that “as [we] choose to let God prevail in [our] lives, [we] will experience for [ourselves] that our God is ‘a God of miracles’ (Mormon 9:11” (Let God Prevail, October 2020). He taught on another occasion: “the Lord will bless you with miracles if you believe in Him, ‘doubting nothing’. Do the spiritual work to seek miracles. Prayerfully ask God to help you exercise that kind of faith. I promise that you can experience for yourself that Jesus Christ ‘giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he ‘increaseth strength’.”

The Lord has called each of us to follow Him and do the things He would do if He were in our community. He is the Good Shepherd and He wants us to find his lost sheep of the house of Israel. Some of those lost sheep are members of our families, others are members of our ward, and still more are in our community looking for the truth, but they know not where to find it.

Elder Stevenson has taught us how to follow Christ and reach out to these lost sheep:

“The first thing we can do is love as Christ loved… By demonstrating Christ’s love to others, we may cause those who see our good works to ‘glorify [our] Father which is in heaven’. We do this expecting nothing in return.

“Our hope, of course, is they will accept our love and our message, though how they react is not within our control… Through Christlike love for others, we preach the glorious, life-transforming properties of Christ’s gospel, and we participate significantly in the fulfilling of His great commission.

“The second thing we can do is share… We all share things with others. We do it often. We share what movies and food we like, funny things we see, places we visit, art we appreciate, quotes we’re inspired by…

“Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf explained: ‘If someone asks about your weekend, don’t hesitate to talk about what you experienced at church. Tell about the little children who stood in front of a congregation and sang with eagerness how they are trying to be like Jesus. Talk about the group of youth who spent time helping the elderly in rest homes to compile personal histories’.

“Sharing isn’t about ‘selling’ the gospel. You don’t have to write a sermon or correct someone’s incorrect perceptions. When it comes to missionary work, God doesn’t need you to be His sheriff; He does, however, ask that you be His sharer.”

“The third thing you can do is invite… There are hundreds of invitations we can extend to others. We can invite others to ‘come and see’ a sacrament service, a ward activity, an online video that explains the gospel of Jesus Christ. ‘Come and see’ can be an invitation to read the Book of Mormon or visit a new temple during its open house… Sometimes the invitation is something we extend inward—an invitation to ourselves, giving us awareness and vision of opportunities surrounding us to act upon.

“In our digital age, members often share messages through social media. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of uplifting things you might find worthy of sharing. This content offers invitations to ‘come and see.’ ‘come and serve,’ and ‘come and belong.’”

As we each deny ourselves, take up our cross, and strive to follow Christ and share his gospel, we will experience miracles in our lives and in our communities.

Five Scripture Passages to Broaden Our Perspective on Death

Before we were born, we lived as spirits with our Heavenly Parents. We were eager to obtain a physical body, like they had, and journey to this world to live and laugh and love and learn.

"The spirit and the body are the soul of [every person]" (D&C 88:15). These were joined together when we passed through the veil of our birth; and they are separated with our death.

Death has sometimes been described as walking through a doorway from one room to another, but some doors are heavier than others. When someone we love has passed through the veil of death, it evokes pangs of sorrow and shock among those left behind. We are rarely ready to let go. Though it may vary from time to time and person to person, the hurt is real. The only length of life that seems to satisfy the longings of the human heart is life everlasting.

Mourning is a natural response and deep expression of genuine love. President Nelson has taught that "the only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life." This is the way it is intended to be. The Lord commanded us to "live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die" (D&C 42:45).

In the Sermon on the Mount, the Lord also promised: "blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matthew 5:4). His comfort is found as we turn to him, study his gospel to understand more clearly, and seek to live our lives more aligned with his laws that govern comfort, healing, and happiness.

A broader, more eternal perspective can provide peace "which passeth all understanding" (Philippians 4:7). Our lives are like a long-awaited trip. Before we left our heavenly home, we sought assurance of a round-trip ticket. There was a plan developed for our salvation-- collectively, but also individually. Like the trips we have all experienced, returning home is one of the best parts of the journey. For those of us still here in our mortal destination, the only way home is through the doors of death that cannot be circumvented.

There are several scriptures that help us adopt a broader, more eternal perspective on the life that continues after death. Consider these five passages, for example:

Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection-- Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they are good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.

And then it shall come to pass that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow... until the time which is appointed of God that the dead shall come forth, and be reunited, both soul and body, and be brought to stand before God, and be judged according to their works.

The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body, yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame (Alma 40:11-12, 21, 23).

Now, there is a death which is called a temporal death; and the death of Christ shall loose the bands of this temporal death, that all shall be raised from this temporal death. The spirit and the body shall be reunited again in its perfect form; both limb and joint shall be restored to its proper frame... and we shall be brought to stand before God, knowing even as we know now, and have a bright recollection of all our guilt.

Now, this restoration shall come to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, both the wicked and the righteous; and even there shall not so much as a hair of their heads be lost; but every thing shall be restored to its perfect frame... and shall be brought and be arraigned before the bar of Christ the Son, and God the Father, and the Holy Spirit... to be judged according to their works, whether they be good or whether they be evil (Alma 11:42-44).


For it behooveth the great Creator that he suffereth himself to become subject unto man in the flesh, and die for all men, that all men might become subject unto him. For as death hath passed upon all men, to fulfill the merciful plan of the great Creator, there must needs be a power of resurrection, and the resurrection must needs come unto man by reason of the fall; and the fall came by reason of transgression; and because man became fallen they were cut off from the presence of the Lord.

Wherefore it must needs be [that] an infinite atonement [is provided for us]-- save it should be an infinite atonement this corruption could not put on incorruption. Wherefore, the first judgment which came upon man [meaning the fall] must needs have remained to an endless duration. And if so, this flesh must have laid down to rot and to crumble to its mother earth, to rise no more.

O the wisdom of God, his mercy and grace!... And because of the way of deliverance of our God, the Holy One of Israel, this death, of which I have spoken, which is the temporal, shall deliver up its dead; which death is the grave. And this death of which I have spoken, which is the spiritual death [or the separation of mankind from God], shall deliver up its dead; which spiritual death is hell; wherefore, death and hell must deliver up their dead, and hell must deliver up its captive spirits, and the grave must deliver up its captive bodies, and the bodies and the spirits of men will be restored one to the other; and it is by the power of the resurrection of the Holy One of Israel.

... and all men [and women] become incorruptible, and immortal, and they are living souls, having a perfect knowledge like unto us in the flesh, save it be that our knowledge shall be perfect (2 Nephi 9:5-13).


And if Christ had not risen from the dead, or have broken the bands of death that the grave should have no victory, and that death should have no sting, there could have been no resurrection. But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ.

He is the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death (Mosiah 16:7-9).


And this is the gospel, the glad tidings, which the voice out of the heavens bore record unto us-- That he came into the world, even Jesus, to be crucified for the world, and to bear the sins of the world, and to sanctify the world, and to cleanse it from all unrighteousness; That through him all might be saved whom the Father had put into his power and made by him; Who glorifies the Father, and saves all the works of his hands, except those [few]... who deny the Son after the Father has revealed him (D&C 76:40-43).


This life is a time to prepare to meet God (Alma 34:32). We will all die, but through Christ we will also all be resurrected or, in other words, saved from physical death to live in a kingdom of glory.

Yet, our ability to be redeemed from spiritual death and return to our heavenly parents to live the life they enjoy, also called eternal life, depends on the choices we make in this life. That redemption is available to each of us, no matter what has happened in the past, if we remain willing to make and keep covenants with the Lord. This begins with having faith in Christ, repenting of our sins, covenanting with the Lord through baptism for the remission of sins, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and continuing to strive throughout our lives.

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life" (2 Nephi 31:20).

Some doors are heavier than others, but through Christ we can receive the steadfast hope and comfort that what I have shared today from the scriptures is true. We can receive assurances of our own ability to return to live with God as we make covenants with him and strive to keep them. Our families can be sealed together for time and eternity through temple ordinances. We can satisfy the longings of our hearts for life everlasting. And we can look forward to being reunited with those we love, resurrection to a perfect, immortal body, and the gift of eternal life that God desires to give each of his children.

Obedience, Charity, and Ministering to One Another

Adapted from a lesson outline given October 30, 2022

Life is full of things that must be done in a certain order. Our bodies learn to digest milk before we are introduced to meat and other solid foods. We learn to walk before we can run. We have to plant before we can harvest. Elementary school precedes high school and high school precedes college.

The gospel is also constructed and learned "line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little" (2 Nephi 28:30). As we learn gospel principles and implement them in our lives, the Lord tests our understanding and faithfulness to the principles we have learned (D&C 98:12). He also blesses us with greater knowledge and wisdom that can continue to grow "until the perfect day" (D&C 50:24) when we can have the life he now enjoys (Moses 1:39).

Elder David A. Bednar has taught:

This ongoing cycle of gaining spiritual knowledge ultimately produces a precious and delicious fruit, but that fruit cannot and does not grow from a blossom to its ripened state overnight. Furthermore, such fruit cannot grow in barren soil. Obedience to God’s commandments and our personal integrity and adherence to commitments provide the needed nutrients for fertile spiritual soil. It should be obvious to all of us that evil influences such as filthy language, immodest clothing and appearance, and pornography are bitter poisons that kill the soil and halt the spiritually subtle process of receiving help from heaven ‘line upon line, precept upon precept.’ There can be no shortcut around the law of the harvest; truly, we reap what we sow” (September 2010 New Era).

The Preparatory Gospel

Within the envelope of the gospel, there are two major phases to our learning and development. First we experience the "preparatory gospel". In this phase, we focus on learning obedience and receiving the blessings promised for our faithfulness. The preparatory gospel gives us checklists and formulas to guide our obedient lives, deal with perceived scarcity, and do our duty.

In the Aaronic or Preparatory Priesthood, for example, prayers for the sacrament and baptism are provided verbatim. The Law of Tithing is a preparatory law that prescribes an amount to give back to the Lord-- no more, no less-- and is often associated with specific blessings for our obedience. In Primary we learn formulas that help us know how to say a prayer and how to repent of our sins. The former Boy Scouts and Young Women Personal Progress programs outlined specific actions that, if completed, earned merit badges or medallions or other external recognitions that were indicative of our progress and development. Prior home and visiting teaching efforts were also somewhat scripted with a monthly message in the Ensign and a leader calling at the end of each month to see if you had made the visits you were assigned.

Elder Bednar has taught: "Obedience is the first law of heaven, the cornerstone upon which all righteousness and progression rest. It consists in compliance with divine law, in conformity to the mind and will of Deity, in complete subjection to God and his commands" (at BYU-I on January 6, 2004). Preparatory gospel principles create a firm foundation for our testimonies and our lives.

A Higher Law

Parallel to the preparatory gospel is a second phase of learning and development we might call the "higher law" or the "fullness of the gospel". The principles of the gospel in this phase build upon and are inseparably connected with those of the preparatory gospel, yet here our discipleship is no longer transactional. We still obey the commandments with all of our hearts, but we do so because we love the Lord more than we expect a blessing. We learn to give without expecting anything in return because we love God's children and want to bless their lives (see John 13:34-35).

In the higher law, we abandon the checklists and formulas that sometimes lead to unrighteous judgements of others or assumptions that only a few of God's children will be saved. In their place, we learn to follow promptings of the spirit and act on the circumstances of the moment. We come to know the abundance of the Lord: that He who multiplied the loaves and fishes has blessings and salvation for "all the works of his hands" (D&C 76:43) and He has asked us to return to Him in groups.

Just as obedience is the appropriate focus of the preparatory gospel, with 613 commandments in the Law of Moses to practice that obedience, the fullness of the gospel, the Law of Christ, highlights only two: to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-40). When two holders of the Melchizedek Priesthood lay their hands on someone's head to give them a blessing, demonstrating this love for God and their fellow man, the spirit guides their words accordingly. We are all likewise called to practice loving others and following the resulting promptings of the spirit as we gather together at church and as families, minister to one another, set goals with our children and youth, and begin live the law of consecration with our time, talents, and resources.

Obedience and Love

God is the author of the preparatory gospel and its fullness. Jesus Christ provided a perfect example of how to incorporate both into our lives. His Atonement was the result of his obedience to God's commandments and his love for God and for us. As we follow the Savior's example of obedience, it will grow and expand the love we feel for our Heavenly Father. As that love grows, we will want to be more obedient and provide more service to others. The cycle we have then created of growing our love and obedience, each building upon the other, expands our capacity to love and obey; and so we progress by degrees until we have the perfect obedience and charity exemplified by our Savior.

President Benson affirms, "The breadth, depth, and height of this love of God extend into every facet of one's life. Why did God put the commandment [to love God] first? Because He knew that if we truly love Him we would want to keep all of His other commandments" (April 1988). As we begin to live the higher law of the gospel, it ceases to be something we do or our faith tradition or a part of our lives. It swells and grows to be a cornerstone of our very identity and natural to everything we think or do.

"Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Matthew 16:24-26).

Charity: The Pure Love of Christ

The Apostle Paul taught:

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).

Obedience is the foundation, but charity is the rest of the house. The Lord's plan for each of us includes a family that will teach us about His love for us. He instructs us to meet often to serve and teach one another. He invites us to minister to the needs of our neighbors and friends because we want to bless their lives. With every step, He invites us to put away the checklists, the judgement, the divisiveness and contention, and increase our focus on loving those we serve and expanding our desires to bless others.

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

Fear is not the opposite of love, as is so often portrayed, but rather selfishness. We must learn to give of ourselves without expecting anything in return and to lose ourselves in the Lord's work of sharing His love with the world.

Conclusion: Ministering to One Another

The preparatory gospel teaches us principles of obedience. As we learn to follow the example of Jesus Christ and to love God, the Lord invites us to join with him in loving and serving His children.

One way we can serve with love is to minister to one another. Ministering is an exercise of charity as we learn to care for those we serve, as Jesus did, and seek to bless their lives without expecting anything in return. As he introduced ministering in April 2018, Elder Holland said:

“Brothers and sisters, we have a heaven-sent opportunity as an entire Church to demonstrate ‘pure religion … undefiled before God’—'to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light’ and to ‘comfort those that stand in need of comfort,’ to minister to the widows and the fatherless, the married and the single, the strong and the distraught, the downtrodden and the robust, the happy and the sad—in short, all of us, every one of us, because we all need to feel the warm hand of friendship and hear the firm declaration of faith… As [we do so,] we lift our spiritual eyes toward living the law of love more universally."

Most of us tend to bob and weave between preparatory principles and a higher law through any given day. All of our efforts work together for our profit and learning, but as we strive to love the Lord, to obey his commandments out of love, and to serve others with that same spirit of willingness and love, perhaps we stretch a little farther, enjoy fruit that is a little sweeter, and move a little faster toward the perfect day when we will be complete.

What is Our Heavenly Father Really Like?

Fourteen years ago, I sat on the second or third row of a chapel in Frankfurt, Germany, listening to prelude music and watching the rain roll down thick, cobbled windows. The whole mission was in the chapel anticipating the instruction we would receive from Elder L. Tom Perry, who had recently been assigned as the president of the European Central Area.

After the opening hymn and prayer, Elder Perry stood to address us. He did not use the microphone, but walked off the dais and stood in front of the sister missionaries in the first row. There was a short pause while he gathered himself, and then, with his typical booming voice, Elder Perry declared his testimony in two simple words: “God lives.”

I do not remember anything else he said that day, but this testimony seemed to pierce my soul to the very center. I remember the power I felt as he said it and I felt my physical frame trembling for several minutes afterward. I had been on my mission for over a year and could cite many instances before and during my service when I had felt the Holy Ghost testify of truth. I had also had many epiphanies as a high school and college student learning math, chemistry, physics, psychology and the arts. The feeling I had on that day surpassed all. I knew in that moment that God was real.

While I cannot pretend to give you the same experience here today, I can share my testimony that I know God lives. He organizes and governs all things in the universe. He knows all things, has all power, and is present in all places through His Spirit. He sees every sparrow that falls, knows every secret and wills the creation of stars, planets and solar systems. He lends each breath to all living things. All of time-- past, present, and future-- is laid before Him, yet he is not subject to our time or our timing. He is eternal, immutable and divine. We worship him as Elohim, a Hebrew name meaning the gods, but he prefers that we call him Father.

One of the great assignments of our lives is to come to know our Heavenly Father as he really is. During his great intercessory prayer on our behalf, the Savior lamented: “O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee… And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou has sent” (John 17:25, 3).

Indeed, the world has not known Him. The Lakota tribes of North and South Dakota worshipped a “Great Spirit” they called Wankan Tanka, which means, “the Great Mystery”. Christian cultures are not any more clued in, often describing God with contradictions and portraying him in art and film as some variety of glowing orb, floating mist or unseen voice. Many people today are like those Paul found in Greece ignorantly worshipping at the altar of an "unknown God" (Acts 17:23).

This is not because God is hidden or hard to find. There is a great deal we can learn about God in the scriptures and the teachings of modern prophets. I will share some of those things here; but whatever we know about God, we really get to know Him by revelation as we draw near through prayer, serve his children on this earth, and diligently keep his commandments.

In other words, our personal relationship with our Heavenly Father, like any other relationship, requires our time and our attention. We should speak often with him, trust and rely on him and seek with a grateful heart to see his hand in our lives each day. Our testimonies will grow in proportion to our faith and our obedience; and if we look with sufficient faith, we’ll find that our eyes can be opened to see how He is in the details of our lives each and every day.

Now, with that introduction, I’d like to turn to the question suggested by Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane. Who is the only true God, our Heavenly Father, and what is he really like?

Think for a moment about your idea of the perfect father. You may think of many traits your own fathers or grandfathers exhibited, or some things may be different, but I’d bet most of us are thinking of a lot of the same things. Let’s start simple and build up: he would be a man. He would be strong from hard work, but gentle with those he loves. He would love his children more than the whole world. He would respect women, especially his wife. He would be a man of faith and integrity. He would protect and provide for his family. He would teach his children discipline and help them to succeed. He would teach them how to be healthy and happy.

I have probably missed a few important things, but we’re well on our way to the point you know is coming.

Our Father in Heaven is an exalted man, separate and distinct from His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost who shares his influence. He has a body of flesh and bone just as we do (D&C 130:22). We look like him. He has a personality. He has feelings and emotions. He experiences great sorrow when his children suffer, when they sin, and when they commit horrific acts against one another. He also knows the thrill of watching his children overcome a difficult challenge or take a significant step in their journey back to him. Though he cannot always be physically with us, he loves it when we call.

Much of the world assumes that God has always been perfect; he has always been a god. We know that our Heavenly Father experienced mortality much as we do now and that he grew from grace to grace as we are are attempting to do. President Lorenzo Snow wrote the couplet, “As man now is, God once was: As God now is, man may be.”

Through eons of experience and hard work, our Heavenly Father has completed his development, so we say that he is perfect. He is perfect in his knowledge and power, but he is also perfect in his compassion, his empathy and his love for each of us. He understands what we are experiencing and he encourages us to continue in our development until we are complete. “Be ye therefore perfect,” the scriptures direct, “even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).

Many in the world see God as harsh and vengeful. Martin Luther taught that “those who see God as angry do not see him rightly”. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved” (John 3:16-17).

“For I am persuaded,” Paul wrote, “that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God” (Romans 8:38-39). Nephi wrote that the love of God, “sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; wherefore, it is the most desirable above all things… and the most joyous to the soul” (1 Nephi 11:22-23).

You and I are literally children of God. “And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together” (Romans 8). Our Father in Heaven offers us all he has because he loves us more than the whole world.

Our Father in Heaven is not a respecter of persons. He’s not impressed by the color of your skin or the country where you were born or the job that you have or wealth you have accumulated. His commandments are in effect for those with busy schedules, those who are lonely, those who are ignorant and those who are proud. Every soul, regardless of their status or circumstance, is of great worth to him-- worth his time, worth his effort, and worth his love.

The love of God includes a profound respect for women. He does not allow us to make our Heavenly Mother a profanity and he warns against abuse of spouse or offspring with the most serious language. He has placed women in some of the most crucial roles in the plan of salvation and trusts them to nurture and prepare each generation.

One of my favorite quotes from Karl G. Maeser, considered the founder of what became BYU, is his explanation of honor. “I have been asked what I mean by ‘word of honor’”, he said. “I will tell you. Place me behind prison walls--walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground-- there is a possibility that in some way or another I may escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of the circle? No. Never! I’d die first!"

Likewise, our Heavenly Father commits with his word of honor that he is bound to keep his promises when we keep his commandments. It may seem a little obvious to say that God is a man of integrity, but it is crucial to understand if we are to trust him and trust is essential to walking the path toward eternal life. God keeps every promise. He always does what he says he will do.

One of the promises God has made to each of us is that he will pour out the blessings of heaven when we pay our tithing. My wife and I put this to the test when I completed graduate school and we moved for an entry-level job in Virginia. We had two kids, no contacts, a lot of debt and not very much income.

I don’t remember a specific instance when we got a check for exactly the amount we needed or found the food we couldn’t buy on our doorstep; but I do remember that our clothes seemed to last forever. As our kids grew, and we added one more, someone was always looking to donate the size we needed. Our car never broke down. The five dollar pizzas at Little Ceasars tasted amazing. Though we were living in a small house with a possum in the crawl space, life seemed abundant and we came to know our Heavenly Father better as we earnestly prayed for him to help us provide for our family’s needs.

I testify that your Father, who is in heaven, knows the things that you need. “Therefore,” the Savior taught, “Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are you not much better than they?...”

“And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you?... But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:25-26, 28-30, 33).

In addition to providing for our physical needs, our Heavenly Father is anxious to teach us how to be successful and happy. Consider for a moment what you would do if Bill Gates approached you with an offer you couldn’t refuse. Pretend for a moment that the email and the Facebook scams we’ve all seen are true. Bill Gates does want to make you a millionaire or billionaire, and here’s the deal: he’s going to give you the strategy to get there and if you can try pretty hard at it and show some persistence, he will give you the capital to make it the rest of the way. Would you do it?

God has achieved more than any of us can imagine. Even Bill Gates’ money is no object for him. Worldly strength and power are insignificant by comparison. His lifestyle and his joy are the ultimate rewards of eternity. He has cornered the market on peace and happiness; these are his currency. Yet, none of this is proprietary information. Like every good parent, he has given us commandments to protect us and help us learn and grow. He has laid out the path to follow and offers to share everything freely with anyone willing to accept his invitation. We agree to try through five saving ordinances: baptism, confirmation, ordination, endowment and sealing. Lest we fear failure, he has ensured our success within the scope of our agreement; he will provide all that we cannot so long as we sincerely try. He provided a Savior to show us how this was to be done.

Sometimes as we try to follow in our elder brother’s footsteps, course corrections are needed. Paul explained:

“For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?... Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For… he [chastens us] for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness” (Hebrews 12:6-7, 9-10).

While God loves all of his children, status quo is not his goal. Rather, he is focused on maximizing our potential. He has retired from whatever profession he may have once had, he’s seen what there is to see and there are no distractions to pull him away from the work of helping you and I, his family, succeed. His ways and his timing are often different from our own, but he is keenly interested in this work and wants each of us to be wildly successful as he measures it: in joy, in peace, in love and in faith. He will not take away our agency, but he gently guides us toward decisions that will ultimately lead us to our rightful places as heirs of his kingdom.

If you will remember what you thought was an ideal father, I think you’ll find we’ve discussed many of the core attributes of that ideal in the last several minutes. Each of us has a Father in Heaven who has known us for eons of time. He has walked the path we walk, appreciates our differences and sees the potential we all have to become like him. He is our biggest fan, our protector and provider, our mentor, our counselor, our teacher, our friend, our companion and our parent. He loves each of us more than the whole world.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie taught, “It is one thing to know about God and another to know him. We know about him when we learn that he is a personal being in whose image man is created; when we learn that the Son is in the express image of his Father’s person; when we learn that both the Father and the Son possess certain specified attributes and powers. But we know them, in the sense of gaining eternal life, when we enjoy and experience the same things they do. To know God is to think what he thinks, to feel what he feels, to have the power he possesses, to comprehend the truths he understands, and to do what he does. Those who know God become like him, and have his kind of life, which is eternal life” (Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, 3 vols. [1965-73], 1:762).

I have come to know God as I have seen his influence in my life during and since my mission in Frankfurt, Germany. He has helped me find peace when all was lost, share my testimony when I couldn’t find the words, repent when I have fallen short and learn truth when I did not know the way. He has shown me what it is to be father. He has provided for my family and brought joy into our home. So it is with confidence and admiration and love and joy that I can share my testimony that God lives.

Stripling Fathers

Every Latter-day Saint youth has heard the story of the two thousand stripling warriors. Speaking of those young men after a great military victory, the prophet Helaman, who was also their leader in battle, wrote:

Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives...

And now it came to pass that when [the Lamanites] had surrendered themselves up unto us, behold, I numbered those young men who had fought with me, fearing lest there were many of them slain. But behold, to my great joy, there had not one soul of them fallen to the earth; yea, and they had fought as with the strength of God; yea, never were men known to have fought with such miraculous strength; and with such mighty power did they fall upon the Lamanites, that they did frighten them; and for this cause did the Lamanites deliver themselves up as prisoners of war (Alma 56:47, 55-56).

Helaman explained that "they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it" (Alma 56:47-48). As these young warriors put their faith in their mothers' promise that God would deliver them, they were able to fight with "miraculous strength" and "as with the strength of God" so that not one soul of them was lost despite their own inexperience and overwhelming odds.

Without trying to steal any of the credit from the valiant mothers, which is often noticed and appropriately so, popular youth speaker John Bytheway has wondered aloud what the fathers of these young men were doing the whole time. The simple answer comes about twenty verses earlier in the same chapter:

And now it came to pass in the second month of this year, there was brought unto us many provisions from the fathers of those my two thousand sons (Alma 56:27).

The Lord has shared his plan for successful families in The Family: A Proclamation to the World. It reads in part:

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.

Fathers are given three roles in this paragraph: to preside, to provide, and to protect. Presiding in love and righteousness requires knowing the doctrines of the gospel, striving toward self-improvement first, gently and meekly leading in the home and then teaching children what they need to know and do. Whenever possible, fathers should also provide for their family's needs and maintain the home as a sanctuary that is safe from the physical and spiritual dangers of the world.

The fathers of the stripling warriors were valiant and brave men who led by example. They had been violent and savage before they were converted to the Lord, but when they were taught the gospel they committed with all of their heart, might, mind and strength. They left their homeland to seek religious freedom, ultimately settling as peaceful neighbors among a people who had previously been their most bitter enemies. They covenanted with the Lord that they would never again shed the blood of mankind and kept that promise even at the peril of their own lives.

When war broke out between their home country and their new country, they were loyal to the Lord. Though they could not fight themselves, they offered their faith and their two thousand sons in defense of their freedoms. While their sons were away, they continued to magnify their duty as fathers by sending 'many provisions'. From these verses we see that both the mothers and fathers of the stripling warriors were fulfilling their divinely appointed roles and contributing to the divine protection and ultimate success of their sons in battle.

As our kids leave the house each morning, and one day for good, they step onto a great battlefield. The perils are no less serious than those faced by the stripling warriors. The enemy of their souls will attempt to prey on their inexperience and use every strategy he knows to make them feel outnumbered, doubtful and discouraged. He will seek to wrap them in the chains of sin and drag them down to a miserable destruction.

Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.

As we fulfill the same divinely appointed roles that existed two thousand years ago, and that have been taught again in our time, we prepare our children to fight with the strength of God and to be preserved by his miraculous power. And what's more, we will teach them how to raise their own families in the joy and protection of the Lord.