Modest is Hottest: Modesty About More Than Clothes

A decade ago I worked at a swimming pool supply store with a good friend. Winters and cloudy days could be slow for business, which for us meant we had time to grab a pizza and talk about whatever came up. Most of those conversations turned to sports, politics or the gospel.

In one discussion, which probably started with my married friend asking me how the dating scene was going, we drifted somehow into a discussion of women's fashion. More specifically, we both agreed that the way a girl dressed changed how we thought about them. Though sexy styles that showed off a lot of a girl's body seemed fun and could get our hormones on high alert, somehow the girls that were fashionable but covered were cuter, more confident, deeper, and more mature.

What we recognized from our experiences was confirmed in a 2009 study conducted by Susan Fiske at Princeton University. Perhaps too briefly summarized, Fiske used brain scans to effectively show that men use the 'tools' part of their brains when they see scantily clad women. She concluded that women that show a lot of their bodies are seen more as objects to be used in the male brain, rather than a person to relate with and connect to emotionally. Fiske's study did not make value judgments or comment on how this reaction in the male brain may be influenced by genetics versus environment, but her revelation on the mental objectification of women has inspired both renewed calls for modesty and at least one emphatic rebuttal that have received significant media coverage for an issue of that has taken so many turns in the spotlight over the last hundred years and more.

The gospel of Jesus Christ does have something to say in the discussion on modesty-- and it may not be what you think you've heard before. As modesty critics have said, the gospel teaches that each of us has our agency (2 Nephi 2:27) and 'men [and women] will be punished for their own sins' (Articles of Faith 1:2). Men are responsible for their own thoughts and actions; a woman's dress (or lack thereof) does not justify inappropriate thoughts or behavior whatsoever.

That hardly lets women off the hook, however. Paul taught the Romans that there should, 'no man [or woman] put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's [or sister's] way' (Romans 14:13). He gave the example to the people of Corinth that 'if meat causes my brother to stumble, I will eat no flesh while the world standeth, lest I make my brother falter' (1 Corinthians 8:13).

At the end of the day, the secular battle over modesty misses the point. Modesty isn't just about how we dress, it is an attitude of humility and decency that applies equally to men and women. It is a willingness to 'glorify God in your body, and in your spirit' rather than seeking undue attention to yourself (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). It applies to how we dress, how we groom ourselves, the language we use and the choices we make about how we will act.

For every lesson we have about women's clothes, there is a lesson to be taught about men shaving and keeping their hair trimmed, a point to be made about the size of our homes or volumes of our vehicles, and still more we should learn about using positive, uplifting language that brings happiness to those around you. Our efforts to be modest will be reflected in our outward appearance and actions, leading to increased guidance and comfort from the Holy Ghost. Extreme or inappropriate behavior in any aspect of our lives, including our thoughts, impairs our ability to receive those quiet promptings.

Modesty is something that we are in our hearts before it is reflected in our appearance. Elder Packer has taught that 'true doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the Gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the Gospel' (CR, October 1986, p. 20). An attitude that is selfless, grateful and modest is one of the natural consequences of frequent gospel study and coming closer to our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. It is an indication of a broken heart and contrite spirit, a clue that we are becoming not just convinced but also converted to the gospel. If we are modest in our hearts things that are immodest will lose their appeal. We will find ourselves drawn to modest homes, modest fashions, and modest behaviors.

Our bodies are sacred gifts from our Heavenly Father. They are created in His image. Paul taught that they are temples for our spirits and of the Holy Ghost, which we have of God... 'For [we] are bought with a price [through the Atonement of Christ]; therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's' (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We are not our own, nor have we the right, regardless of our gender, to covet a body that is not ours nor entice others with something that is only God's to give.

Respect for ourselves, and others' respect for us, begins with modesty. Modesty is anchored in a knowledge of our divine heritage. It endures as we keep the Lord's law of chastity, including chastity in the thoughts and desires of our hearts, and as we strive to have virtue and humility in our conversation and appearance. It is required of men and women alike, and it rewards us with happier lives and a more constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.

Going on ten years since my conversation in the pool supply store, I'm grateful to have met and married a modest woman. She is gorgeous and challenges me to be a little better every day. More often than not I'm the one that is too lazy or sloppy to shave or get out of my sweat pants. The chance to study and write about modesty has encouraged my own efforts to be well groomed,  use uplifting language and respect the divinity in myself and those around me with my thoughts and actions. I know the Lord will expand my ability to have joy and communion with his Spirit as I become consistent in my efforts. He keeps all His promises.

For more on the Church's teachings about modesty, including more specific guidelines for dress and grooming, follow these links to True to the Faith and For the Strength of Youth.

Musing About Amusements

The word 'muse' is used only a couple of times in scripture. To muse is to ponder deeply or to be absorbed in thought. King David wrote that he meditated on the creations of God or 'muse[d] on the work of thy hands' (Psalm 143:5). As he pondered on truth, his 'heart was hot within [him], while I was musing the fire burned' as he felt the Holy Ghost confirm truth to his soul (Psalm 39:3). Perhaps it was a similar confirmation that the Jews sought when they, 'mused in their hearts of John [the Baptist], whether he were the Christ, or not' (Luke 3:15).

After the Angel Moroni appeared to Joseph Smith and taught him of the prophecies that would be fulfilled by the coming forth of the Book of Mormon and the location of the plates that Joseph would translate to make that book, Joseph wrote that he, 'lay musing on the singularity of the scene, and marveling greatly at what had been told to me' (JS-H 1:44). His meditation was interrupted by another angelic visitation, but deep pondering-- that is, musing-- would prove to be the means for many future revelations that would bring about the full restoration of the gospel in our dispensation. Like King David and Joseph Smith, musing and meditation can precede revelation in our own lives.

One of the fundamental principles of the gospel is that there is an absolute truth. All things that are true are necessarily consistent with all other things that are true; truth can be circumscribed into one great whole. The inevitable consequence of this principle is that the truths that bless our lives may be found in scripture, in physics, in philosophy, in anatomy, in mathematics, or, among many other places, in grammar.

A member of my church congregation pointed out one of the lessons we can learn from grammar in a recent testimony. He reminded us that adding an 'a' to the beginning of a word changes the meaning of the word to its opposite: so something apolitical is not political; something that is asymmetrical lacks symmetry; and something that is atypical is anything but typical.

Applied to the word 'muse', grammar teaches us that the opposite of pondering and meditation is amusement. Rather than the deep, soul searching thoughts of musing, amusing implies shallow, fleeting thoughts on topics of trivial value.

Though some amusement may be fun and useful in relieving stress or bringing temporary satisfaction, it is unlikely to precede revelation or bring us closer to God in the same way that its antithesis, musing, can. Elder Dallin H. Oaks has taught:

Our priorities are most visible in how we use our time. Someone has said, 'Three things never come back--the spent arrow, the spoken word, and the lost opportunity.'... Good choices are especially important in our family life. For example, how do family members spend their free time together? Time together is necessary but not sufficient. Priorities should govern us in the precious time we give to our family relationships. Compare the impact of time spent merely in the same room as spectators for television viewing with the significance of time spent communicating with one another individually and as a family.

To cite another example, how much time does a family allocate to learning the gospel by scripture study and parental teachings, in contrast to the time family members spend viewing sports contests, talk shows, or soap operas? I believe many of us are overnourished on entertainment junk food and undernourished on the bread of life...

A decade later, Elder Ian S. Ardern added his testimony:

I know our greatest happiness comes as we tune in to the Lord (see Alma 37:37) and to those things which bring a lasting reward, rather than mindlessly tuning in to countless hours of status updates, internet farming, and catapulting angry birds at concrete walls. I urge each of us to take those things which rob us of precious time and determine to be their master, rather than allowing them through their addictive nature to be the master of us.

To have the peace the Savior speaks of (see John 14:27), we must devote our time to the things that matter most, and the things of God matter most. As we engage with God in sincere prayer, read and study each day from the scriptures, ponder on what we have read and felt, and then apply and live the lessons learned, we draw nearer to Him. God's promise is that as we study diligently from the best books, '[He] shall give unto [us] knowledge by his Holy Spirit' (D&C 121:26; see also D&C 109:14-15).

'Muse' is not a very common word in the modern American vocabulary. The member of my congregation, Elder Oaks, Elder Ardern, and other inspired voices have counseled us all to make it more common in our private lives and vocabularies. Exactly when and how would work best for you-- well, that might be your first reason to push an 'a' aside and start musing.

Cracks in the Sidewalk: A Family Story

The sidewalk that led the way from my childhood home to the nearby elementary school was plagued with cracks of every shape and size. Some had filled with grass or made a home for a colony of ants. Others were barren except for some crumbling cement and debris, used only to give the children that passed by one more crack to avoid if, as the game goes, they were to prevent their mothers' backs from breaking.

In the years that have passed since plodding along that sidewalk each day to school, I've learned that there are measures that can be taken to prevent a sidewalk from cracking. While things like the type of concrete or size of sidewalk blocks can make some difference, more than 90 percent of sidewalk cracks can be prevented by using a chemical sealant. Sealing a clean sidewalk creates a protective barrier that repels damaging liquids like water and motor oil while binding the concrete together to guard against extreme temperatures or invading plants.

Sealing a sidewalk has a very similar result to sealing food in cans or plastic bags. Whether at home or in a factory, canned and packaged foods are sealed in a container that keeps out the oxygen and insects that could harm or decay the food while preserving the good stuff (like homemade strawberry jam, if you're lucky). Sealing the good stuff in and the bad stuff out allows food to last much longer while retaining its nutritional value; or for a sidewalk to stay strong and smooth, as the case may be.

Two thousand years ago, before cement sidewalks or canned foods, Jesus Christ taught his disciples about a type of seal that protects and preserves our families and ourselves. To Peter the Savior promised that he would, 'give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven' (Matthew 16:19).

The sealing power promised to Peter is the ability to preserve earthly things into a heavenly sphere. Christ uses the metaphor of a key to illustrate that only those who have received the priesthood can gain access to this sealing power. Like the wax seals used on correspondence at the time, keys not only protect and preserve the contents of a room or storage chest but are also indicative of position and authority backed by a government or church (which is why many government leaders, including the president of the United States, often still stand behind a podium bearing the seal of their office when giving important speeches). Those authorized to seal in heaven and on earth act with the endorsement and backing of the Creator of the universe.

Peter, to whom Christ promised the sealing power, used this power to lead the ancient church and raised Tabitha from the dead (Acts 1-12).

Nephi, the prophet on the American continent just prior to the birth of Christ, sealed the heavens and stopped a war with the terrible famine that ensued. He called down rain to end the famine after the people had repented. He was told the sealing power could flatten a mountain at his word (Helaman 10:7-10; 11).

Elijah also used the sealing power to create a great famine and turn the people from idolatry. He raised a boy from the dead and called fire down from heaven that consumed the priests of Baal and his drowned sacrifice (1 Kings 17-18).

The most important use for the sealing power is its ability to bind together generations and create a protective barrier around us and our families. King Benjamin taught that if we would, 'be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works, that Christ, the Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you his, that you may be brought to heaven, that ye may have everlasting salvation and eternal life' (Mosiah 5:15). Embedded in the covenant of baptism is a promise to be unified with Christ in this way through our faithfulness (D&C 20:77-79).

Families are sealed together for time and for eternity in holy temples. This ordinance carries the promise that the marriage and family relationships we have on earth will be preserved into the heavenly sphere beyond the veil of death. Our marriage or sealing in the temple bears the promise of unity with God, our Heavenly Father, and that we can be united with Him and with our families for all eternity.

Elder Scott has taught that, like the seal on a cement sidewalk, 'the temple sealing has greater meaning as life unfolds. It will help you draw ever closer together and find greater joy and fulfillment in mortality' (April 2011). If we are faithful, the sealing power can bring us joy in this life and unity with our families forever after.

The sealing keys spoken of by Christ, promised to Peter and entrusted to prophets throughout the ages are on the earth today. In keeping with His pattern, God has vested these powers in his living prophet, Thomas S. Monson, who then delegates the use of these keys throughout the world. The blessings of the sealing power are readily available to us through holy temples and the priesthood authority found in the stakes of Zion.

In a figurative but nonetheless very real way, each of us walking the path of life paves a sidewalk behind us for our children and grandchildren who come after us. Before we can apply the blessings of the sealing power, we must make sure our lives are as clean as newly-poured concrete or a bottle ready for the jam. We can clean off any disqualifying and undermining spots as we repent and come unto Christ.

As we are found worthy by our bishops, as judges in Israel, and as we continue to live faithfully, we can be bound to Christ and to our families through the sealing power of the priesthood. We can be protected from the devil's assault on families and preserve our righteousness. We can pave a sidewalk for our children that is without spots or cracks that they can follow to come closer to their Savior.

Nazis, Rats and a More Excellent Hope

I've often heard the fable of a frog in a pot of water. The story claims that a frog put into a pot of boiling water will immediately jump out while a frog in a pot of cold water that is gradually heated will eventually boil to death. It's a bit of a cruel tale (and completely untrue; the frog will get uncomfortable as the pot heats and try to jump out) but it's very useful in reminding us that the small things we tolerate today could cook our goose, or frog as the case may be, down the road.

In 1957, a psychologist conducted a real, equally cruel experiment on rats. He put one group of rats in containers of water from which they could not escape. On average he found that these rats would stop swimming, drown and die within about 15 minutes. A second group of rats were put into similar containers of water but were rescued when they stopped swimming and given time to recover. When this group was put back into the water, they astounded the researchers by swimming for an average of three days. The hope of being rescued provided motivation and strength even beyond the fear of death.

The results of this study immediately turned my thoughts to a talk Bishop Richard C. Edgely gave at a BYU devotional in 2008. He spoke of a  Jewish coworker he once had who had survived a Nazi concentration camp. On one occasion, this coworker shared some of his experiences with Bishop Edgely. When he concluded, he asked, 'Do you know what the most powerful force in the world is?' After Bishop Edgley proposed love to be that force, his Jewish coworker replied, 'No, it is not love. All those years I was in the concentration camp, I had love. I had love for my mother, father and sister. I had love for my grandmother. But that love did not sustain me. It did not keep me alive.'

After a moment the coworker answered his own question. 'Hope,' he said. 'Hope is the most powerful force. It was hope that kept me alive. It was hope that I would survive. It was hope for freedom. It was hope that I would someday be reunited with my loved ones.'

Hope is the reward we all seek, the proverbial light at the end of whatever dark tunnel may be limiting our perspective. More than passive wishing, hope is a powerful and active force. It is the new vigor we feel when we can see the top of the mountain at the end of a long hike. Hope provides a solid foundation for our faith amid the flurry of doubt and excuses all around us; it is the root of happiness and joy.

The trouble for most of us is that we're usually not at the shallow end of the tunnel or approaching the summit of the mountainous journeys we face in life. The percentage of our lives we spend on starting new adventures is equally brief. Most of our time is spent somewhere in the middle. Somewhere where the summit is not yet in sight, where our packs are feeling heavy and where our muscles may be beginning to strain and ache.

It is for this part of our journey that hope is so important. Real, substantive hope is the ability to see what can't yet be seen and know what can't yet be known. It is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in our mind's eye and knowing that we'll get there because we're driving in the right direction. It is visualizing the majestic view that waits at the top of the mountain and knowing that we'll experience it because we're prepared for the hike below and working toward our goal.

Paul related hope to the farmers of Corinth when he taught, 'he that ploweth should plow in hope' (1 Corinthians 9:10). Farmers don't plow their fields on a fleeting wish for a full harvest, but on the robust hope that if they do what is necessary to care for the plants they'll reap what they have sewn. They see the fields of grain before the first seed is in the ground; then they get to work until the last granule is harvested.

More important than hoping for fields of grain or mountain views is a more excellent hope in Christ. President Uchtdorf taught:

Hope is a gift of the Spirit. It is a hope that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the power of His Resurrection, we shall be raised unto life eternal and this because of our faith in the Savior. This kind of hope is both a principle of promise as well as a commandment, and, as with all commandments, we have the responsibility to make it an active part of our lives and overcome the temptation to lose hope. Hope in our Heavenly Father's merciful plan of happiness leads to peace, mercy, rejoicing, and gladness. The hope of salvation is like a protective helmet; it is the foundation of our faith and an anchor to our souls.

When we have hope in Christ we can see ourselves in the celestial kingdom of God and know that we will be there because we are repenting and striving to become better through the Atonement of Christ each day. We can see our families united together and know that we will be together forever because of temple covenants that have or will be made and kept. We will see our bodies raised immortal and know as Job that it will be so because of the witness we carry in our hearts of the reality of the resurrection of our Savior.

It is this kind of hope--hope of salvation--that anchors our souls and delivers life-sustaining motivation and strength to our minds and hearts. Each of us carries some of this hope with us, but our habits and choices reinforce or diminish our hope day by day, minute by minute, thought by thought.

Which brings us back to rats and frogs. It is useful to note that the rats that swam for days and days could not see their rescuers. They had no more evidence of rescue to support their hope than the rats that drown; only a brief encounter with a curious scientist that taught them what was possible.

Like them, each of us are dependent upon our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, in their mercy, to catch us when we begin to sink (Matthew 14:29-31, see also Mosiah 27). More than curious scientists, they are our father and our brother, they love us, they are watching over us, and they very much want for us to both grow and succeed. At times, trial and temptation may swirl around us and it may seem that we'll never reach the summit of our lives. We must have the hope to keep swimming, to keep walking and to keep striving, even when it seems impossible or defies all worldly logic. If we do so, we have the unbreakable promise of our God and our Creator that He will calm the storm and pull us into the boat before we drown. He will save us:

For ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save. Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life (2 Nephi 31:19-20).

Who Told You?

After Adam and Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit, our Heavenly Father visited them in the Garden of Eden. Upon hearing that Adam hid himself because he was naked, God asks, "Who told thee that thou wast naked?" (see Moses 4:12-17)

Adam had transgressed the law and so may have been reminded by this question of his unauthorized actions. The Lord chastises those whom He loves.  Yet, God's inquiry was surely not about catching Adam as much as it was about teaching him. Adam had transgressed because he allowed others-- Eve in some accounts or Lucifer directly in others-- to persuade him to believe and act in a way that violated the commandment he had been given. God's question invited Adam to look to the sources of his beliefs and actions to determine their truth and worthiness.

Virtually every scriptural account is a story of individuals choosing which sources to believe and act upon. Despite Joseph's loyal service, Potipher chose to listen to the lies of his adulterous wife and threw Joseph into prison. Years later, the king of Egypt chose instead to listen to Joseph and so saved his entire nation from a seven-year drought.

Herod's soldiers, Jews that knew God had commanded thou shalt not kill, listened instead to the voice of their political leader and boss when they killed all of the infants and toddlers in and around Bethlehem at the sign of Christ's birth. At the same time, Joseph and Mary fled with their newborn to Egypt despite no evidence of any pending danger because Joseph listened to the voice of God's messenger in a dream.They left all they knew, all that their society would have considered normal, because they recognized the source of a single dream.

Lehi explained that 'the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by one or the other' (2 Nephi 2:16). These enticings come in every aspect of our lives as we choose which sources we will allow to influence our beliefs and actions. They may affect the language we use, how many children we have, what media we choose to consume, our political views, the food we eat, how we manage resources like time and money, and thousands of other choices we will make in our lives.

With each decision, even many of those that may seem small or insignificant, we choose whether we will listen to the voice of the Lord or to some other source. Moroni explained that 'every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.' On the other hand, 'whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God... is of the devil' (Moroni 7:16-17).

As we reflect on our own motivations and the sources we choose to believe, it is helpful to put ourselves in a figurative Eden where the Lord inquires, 'Who told you that was important?', 'Who told you that was good?' or 'Who told you to act and believe in that way?' Are the gospel of Jesus Christ and the teachings of his modern prophets informing our thoughts and actions or are we listening to some other voice?


In our daily lives, there are many other voices vying for our attention. Deceptive messages are wrapped in the rhetoric of love, a powerful consensus or trend, an animated 'family movie', peer-reviewed science, glamorous endorsements, laws, workplace mandates, incredible special effects or seemingly small habits that don't seem so bad.

We keep our baptismal covenants when we evaluate the sources of what we choose to believe by Moroni's standard: 'Does this persuade me to believe in Christ?' As we remain willing at all times to listen to the voice of God and his prophets, the Lord will guide our lives through the deceptions and droughts that surround us.

Prophetic Priorities

Each of us face many decisions on how we use our time each day. Some of these decisions are routine or mundane and do not require much thought: Each morning I know I will spend time getting ready for work. I will use some of my time each day for eating and sleeping. On Sundays my family will use our time to go to church. These decisions-- and thousands of others-- are made without much conscious thought.

Other decisions require many devoted hours of study and research. Perhaps we are considering a career change, a college major, a move to someplace we've never been or a change in our family life.

The decisions we make without conscious thought or while racking our brains can both have major implications for our lives. As we consider our choices, Elder Oaks has reminded us that it is, 'not enough' to do something good. 'The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them,' he explains. 'Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives.'

Though the agency to allocate our time is ours alone, living prophets provide guidance and counsel that will inform our judgment and direct our lives toward those things that are best. These choices may not always be popular or easy. A particular choice may require we do something difficult or carry a burden we'd prefer not to carry. Elder Oaks reminds us in such times that 'even though a particular choice is more costly, its far greater value may make it the best choice of all.'

Prophetic priorities also protect us against dangers that could derail our lives and destroy our futures. Though the Word of Wisdom was revealed to the prophet Joseph Smith in 1833, it was President Heber J. Grant that emphasized adherence to this principle from 1918 to 1945. This was the time of prohibition, the Great Depression and World War II, when smoking and drinking were accepted norms and even considered glamorous.

Beginning in the 1960s, while illegal drug use was reaching epidemic proportions, researchers began to discover the significant health risks of tobacco, alcohol and other drugs. Elder Quentin L. Cook recently explained that 'obeying the Word of Wisdom gave our members, especially our youth, a preventative inoculation against drug use and the resulting health problems and moral hazards.' The prophets, like watchmen on a tower, saw the danger afar off and prepared those who would listen from the influences and addictions that could have destroyed them (see D&C 101:44-54).

In a January 2013 devotional, Sister Elaine S. Dalton taught that 'as dedicated disciples we must act and make prophetic priorities our priorities. In order to do this we will need to be riveted on the words of the current prophets, seers, and revelators.' The most recent general conference included a major announcement on missionary work and the announcement of several new temples. From the topics listed in the Ensign, there were nine talks about serving others, six about discipleship, six about the priesthood, eight about marriage, family or children, and twelve about Christ, repentance or the Atonement.

Are these priorities our priorities? Could a passer-by identify our priorities with a quick glance at our daily planner or by observing how we use our time today?

As another general conference approaches, we should remember to ask ourselves what we will strive to become because of what we hear from the Lord's prophets. In a separate address, Elder Oaks taught, 'We are accountable and will be judged for how we use what we have received... The principle of accountability also applies to the spiritual resources conferred in the teachings we have been given and to the precious hours and days allotted to each of us during our time in mortality.'

There are more opportunities to do something good than any of us could possibly have time enough to do. If we seek to make prophetic priorities our own, decisions of any size will contribute to a life filled with what is best. We will be protected from danger, find peace and joy in our decisions, and be led home to that God who, like any good father, is rooting for us to pass the tests we face. If we've let prophetic priorities be our guide, that will be the best of all.

A Two-Way Relationship with God

Christ taught his disciples that life eternal was to know the only true God and Jesus Christ, whom He has sent (John 17:3). Many church programs, like the Duty to God program for the young men and Personal Progress program for the young women, have the stated purpose of helping the members of the Church develop their relationships with God. General Conference talks are often laced with references to deep and meaningful relationships with the Divine that are leading men and women toward life eternal.

Despite all of these, sometimes we may wonder how to have a relationship with God or how to strengthen it. Perhaps we have asked ourselves whether we know God but are unsure of how to answer.

We come to know God the same way we come to know a friend or a family member. It takes an investment of time and effort. Most of all, conversing with the Lord helps us get to know and stay familiar with our Heavenly Father.

Mosiah taught that we serve God when we serve our fellow men (Mosiah 2:17) and John wrote that we know God when we exercise love for one another (1 John 4:8). Studying the scriptures and the teachings and practices of the Church with an eye of faith will teach us more about the nature of God and how he interacts with us. Observing the hand of God in our own lives with gratitude for our many blessings will also build our faith and strengthen our relationship with God.

President Uchtdorf has taught:

Our relationship with God is most sacred and vital. We are His spirit children. He is our Father. He desires our happiness. As we seek Him, as we learn of His Son, Jesus Christ, as we open our hearts to the influence of the Holy Spirit, our lives become more stable and secure. We experience greater peace, joy, and fulfillment as we give our best to live according to God's eternal plan and keep his commandments.

We improve our relationship with our Heavenly Father by learning of Him, by communing with Him, by repenting of our sins, and by actively following Jesus Christ... To strengthen our relationship with God, we need some meaningful alone time with Him. Quietly focusing on daily personal prayer and scripture study, always aiming to be worthy of a current temple recommend-- these will be some wise investments of our time and efforts to draw closer to our Heavenly Father.

When our prayers or scripture study are not what we would like them to be, often it is because we have not nurtured our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Just as we must give of our time and attention to develop vibrant relationships with our spouses and children, and just as our family relationships may be strained when they are neglected, the effort we give in prayer and scripture study will determine the quality of our relationship with God.

Elder Bruce D. Porter recently taught that 'prayer is the ordained means by which men and women, and even little children, come to know God.' Elder Porter reminds us that for us to get to know God and borrow strength, love and light at His doorstep through prayer, we must forsake our vain repetitions and decide to really pray. He continued:

Moroni's admonition about praying to know the truth of the Book of Mormon applies to all prayers: namely, that we 'ask with a sincere heart, with real intent' (Moroni 10:4). True prayer is heartfelt: the words convey our deeply felt desires and are coupled with a commitment to act on the divine guidance we receive.

Heartfelt prayer comes from the depths of the soul. Our mind and heart are directed toward God with full and complete attention. When we pray from the heart, we are not just saying words or 'going through the motions'; we are seeking to draw nearer to our Father in Heaven, to commune with Him in a personal and intimate manner. Heartfelt prayer is the furthest thing from a memorized recitation. We do not simply talk at God; rather, we talk with Him. This does not imply a face-to-face conversation as Moses experienced, but it does suggest communing with God by listening to the still, small voice of the Spirit. It means allowing time both during a prayer and after a prayer to hear spiritual promptings.

We know we are offering a heartfelt prayer if we mean what we say. Often times we will feel the prayer as much as we are thinking or saying it. It helps to set aside a time to pray when we will not be rushed but can meditate, if only for a few minutes, in quiet solitude. When we offer heartfelt prayers, we take a few steps closer to our Heavenly Father. It becomes easier to hear His voice in our lives and for our prayers to change from lists of blessings and desires to genuine conversations.

True prayer means speaking with God about the things that matter most. As we converse with God, we should seek to understand divine truths, to better understand the purpose of our life and to bring our will in line with the will of God. Through prayer we can learn God's will and gain the strength to accept it. Elder Porter explained:

God knows our innermost thoughts and feelings even better than we do, but as we learn to share them with Him, we make it possible for His Spirit to enter our souls and teach us more about our own selves and about the nature of God. By making ourselves totally honest, open, and submissive before God, our hearts become more receptive to His counsel and His will.

True prayer requires self-reflection and studying out our decisions before we approach the Lord. The Lord promises to tell us what is right in our minds and in our hearts by the Holy Ghost (D&C 8:2). If we have a good feeling but our thoughts are unsettled, we should continue to study and pray. If we have developed a plan of action that makes sense but does not feel right, we may not yet have the answer. Hearing the still small voice of the Lord requires silencing our personal prejudices. Only when heart and mind are in accord can we be confident that we have reached the right conclusion.

President Uchtdorf taught that 'prayer is a heavenly gift designed to help us achieve spiritual lift. It enhances and cultivates our relationship with God.' As we learn to offer more heartfelt prayers, to ponder and meditate, to search the scriptures and willingly serve our fellow men and women, we can develop a rich and meaningful relationship in this life and through life eternal.