Finding Swing

It is awesome, in the true sense of that word, to watch Olympic athletes compete in swimming, gymnastics, track, basketball, volleyball, and all of the other events. One of the events that I will watch a little closer this year is rowing.

Honestly, I wasn’t particularly interested in rowing until I read the book The Boys in the Boat that was recently made into a movie. That story follows the 1936 men’s rowing team from the University of Washington, which seemed to have every disadvantage. They were from working class families in small lumber and mining towns and didn’t have the resources of their competition. Many of the team were new to rowing and no one outside of the team believed they could win. Despite the disadvantages, Washington beat the elite teams at Navy and Cal to represent the United States at the Olympics in Germany.

Adolf Hitler saw the 1936 Olympics as an opportunity to prove Aryan supremacy and German dominance to the world. On the day of the final race, with Hitler looking on, German officials decided that the slowest qualifiers—Germany and Italy—should be in the most protected lanes. The American team would have the roughest water, some of the team members had become seriously ill, and the wind made it difficult to hear the coxswain who shouted instructions from the front of the boat. But during the race, something happened that rowers call “swing.” The book describes it this way:

There is a thing that sometimes happens that is hard to achieve and hard to define. It’s called “swing.” It happens only when all are rowing in such perfect unison that not a single action is out of sync.

Rowers must rein in their fierce independence and at the same time hold true to their individual capabilities. Races are not won by clones. Good crews are good blends—someone to lead the charge, someone to hold something in reserve, someone to fight the fight, someone to make peace. No rower is more valuable than another, all are assets to the boat, but if they are to row well together, each must adjust to the needs and capabilities of the others—the shorter-armed person reaching a little farther, the longer-armed person pulling in just a bit.

Differences can be turned to advantage instead of disadvantage. Only then will it feel as if the boat is moving on its own. Only then does pain entirely give way to exultation. Good “swing” feels like poetry. 

The members of that team describe those moments of “swing” as a holy experience that meant even more than winning Olympic Gold. That lingering feeling stayed with them all of their lives.

There are at least four ways the Lord has invited us to have swing in our lives. We are to be one with ourselves, one with our spouses, one with God, and one with our fellowman.

Elder Packer once told of a severe winter in Utah when deep snow had driven the deer very low into some of the valleys. Seeing that the deer were out of their natural habitat, some well-meaning agencies tried to respond by bringing in hay for the deer to eat. Unfortunately, many of the deer were later found dead. Those who handled the animals afterward said that the deer had starved to death with stomachs full of hay. The deer had been fed, but they had not been nourished and the hay they could not digest left no room for the nutrition they needed to survive.

In a similar way, there are influences all around us that try to fill us with messages that can starve our souls and distract us from those things that would bring genuine physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. We are encouraged to incur debt to “live our best life” and appear more prosperous than we really are. There is an abundance of food that is more harmful than helpful to our bodies. Tribalized news is on every channel to feed our individual and collective confirmation biases and maintain a constant sense of righteous indignation. There is an endless supply of games and other virtual experiences that give us fake successes and a hollow kind of confidence as imaginary sports superstars, army snipers, farm managers, and even city managers. We hear of people who look for love and connection online only to learn their affections were based on false representations. Despite the volume, there is little nourishment in these offerings. They are literally unbelievable.

“The Lord knows who we really are, what we really think, what we really do, and who we are really becoming” (Bednar, Things as They Really Are, June 2010).  As spirit sons and daughters of God, the Family proclamation says we “accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize [our] divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.”

The scriptures and living prophets have taught us that we will experience greater joy in our lives when there is high fidelity between who we really are and the person we are being on the outside. Being one with ourselves includes focusing on what is real—real opportunities to share a hug or serve a neighbor, real achievements as we strive toward personal and family goals, real food including vegetables, fruits, and whole grains, real prosperity through self-reliance, and the reality of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the redemptive and enabling power it can bring into our lives. We should be the same person alone, at home, at work, online, with friends, and in public. Having swing in our lives requires us to spend time with ourselves, evaluate how we are doing from time to time, see how we have changed, and make plans and goals to help us grow into our full and divine potential.

Steven Covey wrote in his popular 7 Habits book about a cycle of maturity that we all experience. As children, we are dependent on others for everything. As teenagers and young adults, we become independent and able to provide for our own needs. When we then surrender our independence to become interdependent with another person, the results are consistently greater than the sum of the parts.

The City of Enoch experienced interdependence on a societal scale. As they lived the law of consecration, they were able to completely eliminate all poverty from their community. Spiritual interdependence facilitated such righteousness, such harmony and “swing,” that the entire city was taken from the earth and promoted, as it were, to a terrestrial world.

Our marriages are intended to be interdependent, exalting relationships like the City of Enoch. Elder Bednar has taught:

By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fulness of glory. Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other. “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Cor. 11:11; emphasis added).

Our First Parents provided an example of the full partnership God intends every marriage to be. After being driven from the Garden of Eden, and the free rent and food provided there, Adam, “began to till the earth... and to eat his bread by the sweat of his brow... And Eve... did labor with him” (Moses 5:1).

Elder Marion G. Romney referenced this passage when he said, “The word with... is very significant. It means more than physical labor. It connotates a common purpose, understanding, cooperation and love… In Latter-day Saint families the husband and wife must be one.”

Despite our different roles at times, husbands and wives can enjoy full partnership with their spouse when they take care to work with each other rather than merely working near each other. The Family Proclamation counsels couples to pray together, respect each other, forgive one another, have fun together, and help one another as equal partners.

When Tara and I were married, she had already graduated from BYU and was teaching at a nearby elementary school. She had a newer car, a rented duplex, and minimal debt. I, on the other hand, was sleeping on a buddy’s couch with no car and a growing collection of student loans.

With our marriage, we became a family unit. In the spirit of consecration, each of us gave what we had to our newly-formed family. I became a proud co-owner of a little white Hyundai and the folks at the student loan office were suddenly very interested in Tara’s contact information.

A similar thing happens to us on the day we step into the waters of baptism. When we are baptized, we covenant with the Lord that we will always be willing to keep his commandments, remember him and take his name upon ourselves like a bride takes the name of her groom. In other words, we covenant that we are willing to be one entity with our Savior in the eyes of eternal law.

In the spirit of consecration, we give our debt of sin and imperfection to the newly-formed entity. At the same time, the Lord offers up his wealth of grace available through his infinite Atonement. Imagining for a moment that we could measure our sin with a number, the principles of mathematics tell us that it does not matter whether that number is negative six or negative six hundred trillion. Both of these numbers are equally imperfect and yet, when added to a perfect and infinite Atonement, both numbers are completely wiped out. Negative six plus infinity is infinity. Negative six hundred trillion plus infinity is infinity. In this way, though we are not perfect, each of us can be declared perfect as a consequence of our unity with our perfect Savior, made possible through a covenant or contract that is valid in the sight of eternal law, making us joint-heirs with Christ of all the Father has (Romans 8:17).

Our covenant agreement with the Lord requires us to work with Him in the same way that Eve worked with Adam. With an eye single to the glory of God, we must rein in our fierce independence, and the natural man, and at the same time hold true to our individual capabilities to do good and accomplish the mission the Lord has in store for us.

Elder Uchtdorf has taught:

Our relationship with God is most sacred and vital. We are His spirit children. He is our Father. He desires our happiness. As we seek Him, as we learn of His Son, Jesus Christ, as we open our hearts to the influence of the Holy Spirit, our lives become more stable and secure. We experience greater peace, joy, and fulfillment as we give our best to live according to God's eternal plan and keep his commandments.

We improve our relationship with our Heavenly Father by learning of Him, by communing with Him, by repenting of our sins, and by actively following Jesus Christ... To strengthen our relationship with God, we need some meaningful alone time with Him. Quietly focusing on daily personal prayer and scripture study, always aiming to be worthy of a current temple recommend-- these will be some wise investments of our time and efforts to draw closer to our Heavenly Father.

The kind of prayer that builds unity with God comes from the depths of our souls. It requires self-reflection and studying our thoughts, desires, and decisions before we approach the Lord. Elder Porter once taught that “God knows our innermost thoughts and feelings even better than we do, but as we learn to share them with Him, we make it possible for His Spirit to enter our souls and teach us more about our own selves and about the nature of God. By making ourselves totally honest, open, and submissive before God, our hearts become more receptive to His counsel and His will.”  In other words, as we spend time in heartfelt prayer, we can become one in purpose with our Heavenly Father.

As we open our hearts to the will of God, and strive to become one with Him, He will teach us about two gospels. The first is a preparatory gospel that focuses on learning obedience and receiving the blessings promised for our faithfulness. The preparatory gospel builds the foundation for our testimony with checklists and formulas to guide our obedient lives, deal with perceived scarcity, and do our duty.

In the Aaronic or Preparatory Priesthood, for example, prayers for the sacrament and baptism are provided verbatim. The Law of Tithing is a preparatory law that prescribes an amount to give back to the Lord-- no more, no less-- and is often associated with specific blessings for our obedience. In Primary we learn formulas that help us know how to say a prayer and how to repent of our sins. The former Boy Scouts and Young Women Personal Progress programs outlined specific actions that, if completed, earned merit badges or medallions or other external recognitions that were indicative of our progress and development. Prior home and visiting teaching efforts were also somewhat scripted with a monthly message in the Ensign and a leader calling at the end of each month to see if you had made the visits you were assigned.

Parallel to the preparatory gospel is a second phase of learning and development we might call the "higher law" or the "fullness of the gospel". The principles of the gospel in this phase build upon and are inseparably connected with those of the preparatory gospel, yet here our discipleship is no longer transactional. We still obey the commandments with all of our hearts, but we do so because we love the Lord more than we expect a blessing. We learn to give without expecting anything in return because we love God's children and want to bless their lives (see John 13:34-35).

In the higher law, we abandon the checklists and formulas that sometimes lead to unrighteous judgements of others or assumptions that only a few of God's children will be saved. In their place, we learn to follow promptings of the spirit and act on the circumstances of the moment. We come to know the abundance of the Lord: that He who multiplied the loaves and fishes has blessings and salvation for "all the works of his hands" (D&C 76:43) and He has asked us to return to Him in groups.

Just as obedience is the appropriate focus of the preparatory gospel, with 613 commandments in the Law of Moses to practice that obedience, the fullness of the gospel, the Law of Christ, highlights only two: to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-40). When two holders of the Melchizedek Priesthood lay their hands on someone's head to give them a blessing, demonstrating this love for God and their fellow man, the spirit guides their words accordingly. We are all likewise called to practice loving others and following the resulting promptings of the spirit as we gather together at church and as families, minister to one another, set goals with our children and youth, and begin to live the law of consecration with our time, talents, and resources.

Ultimately, we cannot be one with God without also striving to be of one heart and one mind with those around us. If God loves His children, and I testify that he does, than one way to be one with him is to strive to love those same children of our Heavenly Father. 

As he introduced the transition from home and visiting teaching to ministering, Elder Holland said:

Brothers and sisters, we have a heaven-sent opportunity as an entire Church to demonstrate ‘pure religion … undefiled before God’—'to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light’ and to ‘comfort those that stand in need of comfort,’ to minister to the widows and the fatherless, the married and the single, the strong and the distraught, the downtrodden and the robust, the happy and the sad—in short, all of us, every one of us, because we all need to feel the warm hand of friendship and hear the firm declaration of faith… As [we do so,] we lift our spiritual eyes toward living the law of love more universally."]

Can you imagine a society where each of us was one with ourselves, one with our spouses, one with God, and one with our fellowman? A society where we all brought our talents and experiences into perfect swing? I feel like I can only start to glimpse what that might be like and it is awesome in the truest sense of that word.

Gardening, Covenants, and Enduring Love

"Nurtured by the Word" by Greg Olsen

After graduating from BYU, our family moved to Arizona to be closer to some extended family living there. We could only afford a small apartment at first, so, anxious to be self-reliant and care for our young family's needs, we asked a family member if we could use some of their backyard for a garden. They agreed and we got started.

The sunbaked earth in Mesa, Arizona, isn’t exactly dirt and it certainly isn’t soil for a garden. It’s much more like clay, which meant we really had our work cut out for us. We borrowed a tiller to start breaking up the chunks of ground and mixing in soil and fertilizer. We researched what to plant and when to plant it. We made furrows for planting squash, set up strings for the pea plants to climb, bought wire cages for the tomatoes, and built mounds for the melons and cucumbers. It was perhaps a bigger project than we expected, so we were delighted when we had finally put the last seed in the ground.

Of course, planting was only the beginning. We had arranged for our family member to help water the plants during the week, but we still needed to visit at least weekly to weed and care for the plants. It was always incredible to see how many weeds could grow in a single week, especially when nothing had grown in that spot for years (or maybe ever). The weeds grew so fast, I sometimes lectured the plants under my breath that if they would just grow like the weeds did maybe we could be harvesting by now. The plants didn’t seem to listen, so back we’d go with our one-year-old son to pull what we hoped would mostly be weeds and attend to any other needs in our little garden.

After a while, the excitement completely wore off. With busy work, graduate school, and church schedules, it was easy to wish we could spend what free time we had doing something fun or relaxing as a family. There were days when I would have volunteered to do nothing rather than going to care for the garden, but we knew we wouldn't harvest much if the weeds took over. So, while we slacked off a little here and there, we kept going most weeks to do what needed to be done in our little garden.

Excitement returned when the first zucchini were ready to be harvested. They were so big and so good! The squash and tomatoes soon followed. Though the results were delayed, we were grateful for the garden that gave us so much good food.

We also began to see how even occasional negligence had diminished what the garden could have been. If we had set up shade for the cucumbers and peas in time, they might not have withered in the hot Arizona sun. If we had been there to get the melons off the ground when they first began to grow, the bottoms may not have rotted. We didn't intend for these things to happen when we decided to skip a day in the garden, but they were the natural consequences of our inconsistent care.

Our marriages can be like a garden. As I share some principles in the context of marriage, I invite you to think about your relationship with your spouse, if you have one, or, if you are presently single, your part in the covenant marriage relationship the Lord will give you, when the time is right, if you desire it. C.S. Lewis observed:

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling.

Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ‘being in love’ usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending ‘They lived happily ever after’ is taken to mean ‘They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,’ then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships?

But, of course, ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense—love as distinct from ‘being in love’—is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself.

They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

Speaking of engines, most of us think of our cars, and the engines in them, as an investment. That isn’t strictly true from a financial management perspective, but we treat our vehicles as investments anyway. It costs a lot of money to buy a car. We probably took some time with our last vehicle purchase to research which one could fit enough passengers, had the right mileage or price or color, and any other features that were important to us. When we found the one we wanted, we signed the purchase agreement and were excited to drive it home.

Anyone who has ever owned a car knows that they require consistent care and maintenance. We make sure there is gas in the tank and air in the tires. We make sure the oil gets changed when it should and that the tires get rotated. The brakes and air filters need to be replaced periodically and the fluids need to be topped off. Every so often, you make sure to wash and wax the car and vacuum the inside. Sometimes your car needs new windshield wipers or spark plugs or a new windshield altogether. Some of us may have put covers over the seats and steering wheel to protect the interior. When collisions or malfunctions occur, we try to fix them if we can. We are always working on our cars because we know they represent a significant investment of our resources and we want them to last; and in the hands of a skilled mechanic, they can last for decades. In fact, if we care for them well enough, they become an investment even from a financial management perspective.

In a similar way, each of us probably did some research when we were dating our spouse to make sure they had the characteristics and features that were important to us. We fell in love, signed our legally-binding marriage certificate, and were excited for our new life together. This was the planting, the explosion that got our engines running. Our marriages will require consistent care and maintenance if we are to experience the deep unity of enduring love and become "one flesh" (D&C 49:16), as the Lord directs, after the excitement of being in love wears off.

In 2006, then-Elder Russell M. Nelson taught that, "marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other human relationship. Yet some married couples fall short of their full potential. They let their romance become rusty, take each other for granted, allow other interests or clouds of neglect to obscure the vision of what their marriage really could be. Marriages [like gardens] would be happier if nurtured more carefully" (Nurturing Marriage, April 2006).

Elder Nelson went on to suggest that we could more carefully nurture our marriages by understanding the doctrinal foundations for marriage and then taking specific actions to strengthen our relationship. He taught:

Marriage is the foundry for social order, the fountain of virtue, and the foundation for eternal exaltation. Marriage has been divinely designated as an eternal and everlasting covenant. Marriage is sanctified when it is cherished and honored in holiness. That union is not merely between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with God. 'Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other' (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). Children born of that marital union are 'an heritage of the Lord' (Psalms 127:3). Marriage is but the beginning bud of family life; parenthood is its flower. And that bouquet becomes even more beautiful when graced with grandchildren. Families may become as eternal as the kingdom of God itself.

Marriage is both a commandment and an exalting principle of the gospel... True happiness [in marriage] is predicated upon personal purity... Marriage should ever be a covenant to lift husbands and wives to exaltation in celestial glory.

Marriage was intended by the Lord to endure beyond physical death... Priesthood offices, keys, callings, and quorums are meant to exalt families. Priesthood authority has been restored so that families can be sealed eternally.

With these doctrinal underpinnings, we can take specific actions to improve our marriages. In his 2006 talk, Elder Nelson suggested that we could learn to better appreciate one another, better communicate with one another, and spend more time contemplating together the sacred covenants we have made. Each of us might consider these invitations and any other ways we might feel we can nurture our relationships in a spirit of selflessness and generosity.

Now, in cars, love, and gardening, we don’t always get the ideal scenario. Some seeds are planted by professionals in the fertile soils of the Salinas or San Joaquin Valleys and others are left for amateurs to bury in the hard clay of Arizona. Some seeds may seem to grow well for a while and then become choked by weeds or begin to wither under the heat of some intense pressure; but whatever our circumstance, our seeds will grow when we appropriately and consistently nurture, weed, and care for them.

President Gordon B. Hinckley shared this quote from Jenkin Lloyd Jones in a speech at BYU in 1973:

Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he [or she] has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just like people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.

Life is just like an old-time rail journey… delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.

To be clear, this does not excuse marital abuse, neglect, or infidelity. In a relationship between a married couple and the Lord, these offenses are grievous sins against your spouse and against the Lord. The Lord makes it clear that it would have been better for us to have not been born than to commit such offenses, and especially to do so and leave them without correction and the most sincere and difficult kind of repentance. He makes it equally clear that, while we are all required to forgive those who have offended us, we are not required to continue to endure or return to an abusive relationship. Any sort of manipulation that is strung together to make you think otherwise is just that—manipulation. It is not inspired. It is not from God.

Elder Holland taught, “In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, one who is constantly critical of you, one who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor. Life is tough enough without the person who is supposed to love you leading the assault on your self-esteem, your sense of dignity, your confidence, and your joy. In this person’s care, you deserve to feel physically safe and emotionally secure.”

But outside of those situations, which one would hope are more rare than common, it helps to remember that planting is only the beginning. "[Love] is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God." So what thoughts and desires do you allow to direct your will? What habits have you built to deliberately strengthen your relationship with your spouse? Are you asking the Lord for his grace and blessing in your prayers? Are you treating your relationship with the consistency and attentiveness you would give to a great investment? In the words of a local football coach, can you win with the effort that you are giving?

Elder David A. Bednar has taught that "we grow to love those whom we serve" (If Ye Had Known Me, October 2016). If we start to feel like our relationships are mostly smoke and cinders, selflessly serving our spouse with the same diligence we might give a new car or a nice garden will help us clear the weeds and get us back on track.

Whether married or single, we should also be mindful that Christ compares our relationship with him to a marriage. Conversion for many of us requires some research. If we "give place, that a seed may be planted in [our hearts], behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if [we] do not cast it out by [our] unbelief... behold, it will begin to swell within [our] breasts... [and we] will begin to say within [ourselves]-- It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me" (Alma 32:28).

We are excited when we are baptized and enter an eternally-binding covenant relationship with our Savior. That union is not between ourselves and our Savior alone; it embraces a partnership with God. Most of us have patches of hard clay in our hearts, which means we have our work cut out for us. The Savior invites us to take his yoke upon ourselves so that he can help us carry our burdens. He invites us to put our lives in His hands-- the hands of the Master Gardener and Skilled Mechanic for our hearts. But this is only the planting, the explosion that gets our engines running. Consistent care, maintenance and nurturing is needed if we are to "be one" with Christ (John 17:20-21).

We can more carefully nurture our relationship with Christ as we seek in the scriptures, through the words of the prophets, and in sincere prayer, to understand the doctrinal underpinnings of our covenants with Him and then take specific actions to strengthen our relationship. We might consider developing more gratitude for the blessings the Lord has given us, learning to better communicate with Him and hear His voice, spending more time contemplating the sacred covenants we have made, and any other ways we might feel we can nurture our relationship in a spirit of humility and selflessness.

Our relationship with our Savior brings greater possibilities for happiness than any other relationship we can have. That happiness as a covenant disciple of Christ is predicated upon our personal purity. Our covenants with God include the gift of the Holy Ghost, who will sanctify us and lead us to make and keep sacred covenants in the temple that are designed to lift us to exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom.

Yet, sometimes we let our relationship with Christ fall short of its full potential. In the months and years following our baptism, we often do not always feel the same burning spiritual confirmation, or "swelling motions," that helped us know the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ and its restoration in modern times. Our lives get busy and we sometimes don't want to do the spiritual work to maintain our relationship with Him. We allow clouds of neglect to obscure the vision of what our relationship with Him could be.

When we are inconsistent in maintaining our relationship with Christ, we sometimes miss blessings we could have otherwise received. Deep unity in our relationship with Christ is maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which we ask, and receive, from God.

So what thoughts and desires do you allow to direct your will? What habits have you built to deliberately strengthen your relationship with Christ? Are you treating your covenant relationship with the consistency and attentiveness you would give to a great investment? Can you win with the effort you are giving?

When we start to feel like our relationship with Christ is smoke and cinders, we can remember Elder Bednar's teaching that "selflessly serving others counteracts the self-centered and selfish tendencies of the natural man. We grow to love those whom we serve. And because serving others is serving God, we grow to love Him and our brothers and sisters more deeply [when we serve]. Such love is a manifestation of the spiritual gift of charity, even the pure love of Christ" (If Ye Had Known Me, October 2016). God knows this and wants us to be wildly successful, so he has asked us to promise, and even to covenant, that we will bear one another’s burdens, mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort (Mosiah 18:8-10).

Our relationships with God and our Savior, Jesus Christ, are reflected in the way we love one another. We cannot love God while we are belittling or criticizing His children—and that means any of His children for any reason, regardless of our age, relationships, political views, cultural heritage, or anything else. We cannot ignore our covenants to minister and serve one another without some blessings withering or rotting on the vine. And similarly, we cannot deny the Lord time together in prayer, scripture study, and in the temple, and expect to have oil in our lamps to light the way today, particularly through our darkest times, and be prepared for when He comes again.

Thankfully, the opposite is also true. A kind word or a plate of cookies can connect us with our brothers and sisters and bring joy into our lives and theirs. Helping someone complete a project or a chore can build fellowship and understanding. I have seldom given a priesthood blessing when I did not feel the love of the Lord for the person receiving that blessing. Careful scripture study, sincere prayers, and devoted temple attendance bring peace and faith into our lives. Each of these things—joy, love, patience, understanding, peace, and faith—are fruits of the Spirit of the Lord (Galations 5:22-23) and evidence of His forgiveness for us and our relationship with Him.

Though our effort to nurture the garden in Arizona was imperfect, the consistency of that effort led to a bountiful harvest that was likely much more than we deserved. To this day, we still don't know how we got so many zucchini! In a similar way, though our effort will not always be perfect, the Lord has promised those who consistently keep their covenants with Him, and with their spouses, that their relationships will endure beyond the grave. They will have happiness in peace through the trials of this life and throughout eternity. Together, as one flesh united with God, they will inherit all that He has, certainly more than any of us could ever deserve, and the bud of their marriage will flower into the abundant garden of their posterity (D&C 132:19).

The Strength of Unity

Prepared as a Sacrament Meeting talk and given on July 15, 2018

Last summer included one of the unique experiences of my life. While the Detwiler Fire was becoming the largest wildfire in our county’s history—burning more than 80,000 acres and taking 74 homes-- I was stationed in the Emergency Operations Center. The Emergency Operations Center does everything except respond to a disaster. This is where a limited number of staff are making sure firefighters are fed, disabled residents are getting help to evacuate and recovery efforts are underway from the first day. It is a government operation, so you have to expect a few acronyms are involved—we call it the EOC for short.

A couple of things made working in the EOC a unique experience. First, normal organizational hierarchy is suspended. There are no bosses or subordinates in a traditional sense and it doesn’t matter what you do in your day job or where you normally do it. There’s no time for drama or office politics. Each person has an assignment and everyone depends on everyone else to get the job done.

Normal organizational rules are also suspended. For two weeks, it didn’t take committee deliberations and public meetings to make a decision. I didn’t receive a single request to meet with a union before work could continue. The EOC is authorized to do what needs to be done. Fortunately or unfortunately, doing what needs to be done also tends to include very long hours without many opportunities to take a break or slow the pace. In fact, one of the assignments is for someone to get food for the rest of the EOC staff so they can keep working.

Now, perhaps some of you are thinking that casual relationships and loose rules are no way to run an operation. And much of the time, I might agree with you. But I also observed some behavior that taught me a great deal about the principle I’ve been asked to discuss today. I’ll share three quick anecdotes.

On the morning of the second day, it was becoming clear that we would need more staff in the EOC to support the more than 5,000 firefighters that had arrived or were on their way. I texted the department directors and asked for five volunteer clerical staff to work 12-hour shifts in the EOC with no mention of overtime. In less than five minutes, I had seven volunteers on the way.

A few days into the fire, I noticed that one of the department directors assigned to the EOC was smiling more than usual. When I asked about it later, I was told that they had been so bogged down with administrative duties that they felt like they had almost forgotten why they entered public service in the first place. Though a tragic event, the opportunity to directly serve the people of our county was rekindling all of the positive feelings that drove them to public service in the first place. They felt privileged to be doing something that would make a positive difference for their community.

Shortly after we returned to normal operations, one of the EOC staff who responded that second day related to me what a positive experience they had. They told me that working for the County had always just been a job before, but now they wanted to make a career in public service. This employee enrolled in an online bachelor’s program shortly thereafter and is already making plans for a master’s degree when that is done.

These experiences, and dozens more like them, left me with a question. What is it about two weeks of casual work relationships and loose rules that makes seven people drop everything, an accomplished director love their job again and an already stellar employee recognize there’s even more they could be doing? A year later, almost to the day, why is the EOC still the most mentioned positive experience when I ask my team about their work?

As I’ve asked these questions, many of those that participated in that EOC echo the words of one of our Founding Fathers, Thomas Paine, who wrote that it is “not in numbers but in unity that our great strength lies.”

In the days of the prophet Enoch, the city of Zion was unbeatable. The scriptures record that “so great was the faith of Enoch” that he used earthquakes, moved rivers and mountains and called lions out of the wilderness to fight their battles for them. The enemies of Zion, including the giants upon the land in those days, were so intimidated by the strength and glory of Zion that they scrambled away to a newly-formed island where they hoped they would be safe.

And how does the Lord describe the people of Zion? As ferocious? Of superior education or training regimen, perhaps? Or as a peaceful, giving and united people? “And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them… and lo, Zion, in process of time, was taken up into heaven. And the Lord said unto Enoch: Behold mine abode forever” (Moses 7:18, 21).

The Lord wants each of us to enjoy great strength and so he commands that we be One in at least four different ways: one with ourselves, one with our spouses, one with Him, and one with our fellow Saints. Each of these is important for our salvation.

First, we must be one with ourselves. The people of Enoch were “of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness.” The Lord has warned that we “cannot serve God and mammon” and that he spews out the lukewarm because it is neither hot nor cold.

I recently read an interview of Wendell Berry, who is a farmer, poet, novelist and a sort of philosopher of the land. He was asked in the interview if farming was more of an art or a science. He replied, “To farm you have to know, which is science, and you have to do, which is art. In practice,” he continued, “it is impossible to draw a straight or firm line between knowing and doing. When this line is drawn… it is at best tentative and suppositional, at worst false.”

None of us would imagine that we could stop watering or weeding our gardens and get the same results. It seems too obvious to say that we cannot enjoy the fruits of our labor, literal or metaphorical, if we skip planting or harvesting. We understand quite clearly that what we know and what we do must be in sync for our garden to be successful. Yet, somehow, we don’t always seem to understand that it is the same with what we know is right and how we live our lives. Life, like farming, is a good deal of art and a good deal of science with no clear lines between the two.

The polarity and union of knowing and doing shapes our lives and our challenges. For example, sometimes we get comfortable coming to church and listening to those who have been assigned to teach us for the day. We come to expect inspiring messages and maybe a list of what we should know or what we can do; but reading a list about what we can do is not doing, so when we approach our church meetings in this way we relegate ourselves to passivity. We can come to church every week and still be little more than observers—and we can learn very little this way.

The opposite of passive observance is active participation. What the observer appreciates as valuable concepts and ideas, the participant understands as a call to action. The Lord has designed his Church as a place of activity: we sing the hymns together as “songs of the heart” (D&C 25:12), we “teach one another words of wisdom” (D&C 88:118), we volunteer for assignments and magnify the callings we are asked to perform. On occasion we have a reason to practice forgiving someone who has offended us or serving someone who needs our help. Approaching our time in church as a time of giving, rather than receiving only, not only increases our learning, but it also affects our integrity.

Integrity is “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles,” but the second definition is “the state of being whole or undivided” including “the condition of being unified, unimpaired, or sound in construction”. We are whole or undivided with ourselves when there is high fidelity between the person we know we should be and the person that we are because our knowledge of what we should be doing is consistent with what we do—or, in other words, when we are honest with others and ourselves about who we really are.

Interestingly, this is similar to a definition of the word, “perfect,” which is to be “complete, finished, or fully developed.” I submit that one way we can heed the Lord’s call to “be ye therefore perfect” (Matt. 5:48) is to be true to the person we really are, a son or daughter of the Most High God with courage to do the things we know we should. Because we cannot really give what is not real, personal integrity, or what we might also call “strength of character” or “unity of self” is prerequisite to dedication to the Lord, fidelity to our spouse and unity with others.

Next, unity with our spouse. In Matthew 19, the Pharisees attempt to trick the Savior into verbal support for no-fault divorce. “Is it lawful,” they asked, “for a man to put away his wife for every cause?” (v. 3)

Jesus answered, “Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (v. 4-6).

The unity of a married couple is recognized in our temporal law as well. When my wife and I were married, she had recently graduated from BYU. She had a full-time job teaching at a nearby elementary school, a newer car, a rented duplex and no school debts. I, on the other hand, was just starting my sophomore year of college. I had no car, I was sleeping on a buddy’s couch and since I didn’t have a fancy scholarship I had already racked up over $10,000 in student loans.

On the day we were married, we were no longer separate individuals in the eyes of the law. We became one unit: a single family. I was now the proud owner of a little white Hyundai; and with my name, My wife also received responsibility for my school loans. This is another reason why you should always date people who are smarter than you.

The same thing happens to us on the day we step into the waters of baptism. When we are baptized, we covenant with the Lord that we will always be willing to keep his commandments, remember him and take his name upon us. We take his name upon ourselves as a bride takes the name of her groom. So long as we keep that covenant, the laws of eternity recognize we who have sinned as a single entity with our Savior, who died and rose again the third day as a part of His infinite and eternal atonement. Through our baptismal covenant and the boundless grace of God, our debt of sin can be wiped out by the wealth of his grace. Each of us can be declared perfect as a consequence of our unity with our perfect Savior, making us joint-heirs with Christ of all the Father has (Romans 8:17).

Finally, the Lord commands us to be one with each other. This, of course, makes perfect sense in light of the unity introduced by the baptismal covenant. If I am bound to Christ by virtue of my baptismal covenant and you are as well by yours, then you and I are bound to each other. As Paul wrote to the Ephesians, when we are baptized we are “no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God” (Ephesians 2:19).

In the household of God, we are charged with being of one heart and one mind, dwelling in righteousness with no poor among us. We teach each other the peaceable things of the kingdom and pray to know the Lord’s will individually and collectively. A slight against another is a slight against ourselves, particularly if our offense breaks the covenant we have made. We may choose to cut ourselves off, but we cannot choose who else is in the household of God.

Likewise, service to one another is only service to our God. Such service is for our own benefit and has a multiplier effect as those we serve are strengthened, our capacity grows and the household is enhanced more than the sum of the two. No wonder the Lord would ask us now to improve our efforts to minister to one another.

Each of us brings our own gifts to the household of God. The Lord taught Joseph Smith that these gifts “are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep all my commandments, and him that seeketh so to do… And again, verily I say unto you, I would that ye should always remember, and always retain in your minds what those gifts are, that are given unto the church. For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God. To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby” (D&C 46:9-12).

Unity in each of these covenant relationships—with ourselves, with our spouse, with God and with each other—are of the upmost importance to the Lord. Each of the ten commandments address these relationships. The third commandment, “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain,” refers not only to our language, but also prohibits wasting or abandoning the strength that comes through the baptismal covenant, for example.

In many respects, a life in the household of God is a lot like what I experienced in the EOC. The staff of the EOC was unified and motivated by an urgent need to help our community; the household of God is united by the urgent need to save all mankind. Worldly status is irrelevant here—we are all equal in the sight of God. Worldly excuses are also of no use here—none of us are too old or too inadequate or too busy-- each of us has gifts that are given for the benefit of all.

When we live with integrity, being true to our real and divine identities, we will recognize that this is the greatest cause there ever was. We will prioritize service to others and be willing to drop everything to help them. Our service will bring us joy and help us smile a little more even in the worst of times. And we will undoubtedly find that there is more we can be doing, more purpose for our lives and more blessings available to us than we are currently experiencing.

Learning to Live an Eternal Life

There is a well-known proverb of the Cherokee Native American tribe that warns, "Don't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes." Harper Lee expounded in her classic book, To Kill a Mockingbird, when she wrote: "You never really know a man until you understand things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."

There are several benefits to really getting to know someone. Turning to another literary source, Orson Scott Card mused in his book, Ender's Game, that "I think it's impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves."

We develop greater empathy and compassion for others as we learn to understand them. By taking a walk in someone else's shoes, we also get to see how their chosen lifestyle leads to the results we see on the surface. We see the discipline and drive of the successful businessman, the passion and long hours of an accomplished artist, or the integrity and virtue of someone enjoying peace of conscience.

The lifestyle of the Mormon pioneers might not be one you would be quick to choose for yourself. At least, not at first. They were persecuted, betrayed, driven from place to place, and endured incredible challenges. Yet, they were also a unified people, blessed with faith and resolve, and among the most productive the world has ever seen. Consider, they built a great city not once, but several times over. Nauvoo rivaled Chicago in size and enterprise. Groups of saints contributed to the rise of Salt Lake City, San Diego, Las Vegas, Phoenix, Boise and dozens of others-- and in each place they were innovators of the railroad, irrigation, guns, and technology of every sort. Clearly, the early saints knew the secrets of an abundant life.

All around the world, LDS youth groups have the chance every few years to really get to know the pioneer ancestors of their faith as they recreate some of the conditions experienced while crossing the Great Plains. Pushing handcarts in period clothing inspires sore muscles and spiritual growth as youth begin to experience what faith looks like. It can inspire greater courage in the face of difficult trials, a stronger work ethic, and a more passionate resolve to press forward. In short, coming to know the early pioneers teaches the youth how to be modern pioneers.

In similar fashion, our Father in Heaven wants us all to really get to know him and the way he lives. The principles that guide his life will teach us to have the same happiness, success and peace he enjoys. The Savior taught, "And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent" (John 17:3).

We come to know our Father and His Son the same way that our youth come to know their pioneer ancestors. Elder Bruce R. McConkie explained: "To know God is to think what he thinks, to feel what he feels, to have the power he possesses, to comprehend the truths he understands, and to do what he does. Those who know God become like him and have his kind of life, which is eternal."

Eternal life is said to be the greatest of all the gifts of God, but it isn't a gift in the sense of a present we open at Christmastime. It is much more like the decades of memories and lessons we get as a gift from our families and loved ones. As we seek to be like God-- to think what he thinks and do what he does-- we experience glimpses into his eternal lifestyle that teach us about our own path to happiness and success. Over time and extending into our lives after death, we will come to know him better because we will have adopted his lifestyle. We are then able to see the world as he sees it and comprehend the universe as he understands it. At the same time, we will receive of his glory and the countless blessings he enjoys because we are living according to the principles upon which those blessings are predicated.

Said another way, eternal life isn't an object like a car or a book or a new tie; nor is it an opportunity in the same sense as a new job or a chance to move to California. Rather, eternal life is a lifestyle that contributes to our health and happiness, develops even our weaknesses into strengths and unites families even beyond the grave. It is God's lifestyle, and he's already told us how we can start living it and being blessed by it.

You may know the Divine Lifestyle Plan by it's other name: the Gospel. At it's core, living the gospel includes trusting in God, striving to improve ourselves, making and keeping sacred covenants, receiving all the benefits of the Holy Ghost in our lives and actively enduring through life's trials with the patience and faith of the pioneers.

Anchored to that core are many more beautiful truths that add richness to our budding eternal lives. For example, the gospel teaches that "if a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his diligence and obedience than another, he will have so much the advantage in the world to come" (D&C 130:19). The joys of reading and education are joys of an eternal life. God comprehends all things and reaps the benefits of that knowledge; each of us are similarly blessed proportional to our studies.

Likewise, the Lord taught that "in the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into... marriage" (D&C 131:1-2). Marriage between a man and a woman is a divinely ordained practice essential to a Godlike lifestyle. The love and support we have in our families continues to grow as we learn to know our Father and strive to emulate his Son.

Learning to live as God lives also means learning to have robust moral character. Teenagers walking through a wilderness area develop character because the trail is hard and through the difficulty of their trek they are reminded of their many blessings allow their hearts to turn to pioneers who sacrificed so much for them. Godlike character, Elder Bednar has taught, "is demonstrated by looking and reaching outward when the natural and instinctive response is to be self-absorbed and turn inward."

We observe the character of Christ throughout the gospels, but perhaps nowhere is it more poignant than in the chapters leading up to and including his suffering in Gethsemane and on the cross at Golgotha. Never in the history of mankind has anyone had a better reason to focus on themselves for a few moments; but Christ never does. In the Garden he prays, "not my will, but thine be done." When confronted by Judas and the mob, he petitions for his disciples to be allowed to leave unharmed. He reassured his disciples, healed the ear of Malchus, sought Pilate's spiritual wellbeing, found someone to care for his mother, ministered to two robbers, and asked for his persecutors to be forgiven-- all while being condemned, abused and tortured to his death.

Most of us will not be asked to die for someone else, but we are called upon to take up our cross and live Christlike lives. Though our own burdens may be heavy, developing the character needed for an eternal lifestyle means we should look and reach outward even when our natural and instinctive response is to turn inward. As we extend the hand of mercy to those less fortunate than ourselves, retrieve the lost sheep, visit the sick and elderly, serve as home and visiting teachers, teach our primary or Sunday school class with patience and love, respond to a questioning coworker and support righteous causes in an increasingly wicked world, we act as God would act and, with the help of his grace, qualify for his divine blessings.

The Lord has said that his work and glory is the immortality and eternal life of man (Moses 1:39). Immortality is a gift to all of us by virtue of his Atonement. Eternal life is the gift of his life-- to live as he lives and become as he is. We learn his lifestyle by beginning to live it today-- doing what he would do, thinking what he would think, studying to know all he understands, and praying for guidance along the way. It includes men being ordained and attending to priesthood duties, men and women getting married and sealed in holy temples, and all of us loving and serving others and letting our light shine in an increasingly dark world.

As we come to know God, our Father, and his son, Jesus Christ, we will also come to love them. President Russell M. Nelson has taught, "The best evidence of our adoration of Jesus is our emulation of Him." That is, the best evidence of our respect for Christ and His Atonement is our willingness to use it so that his life and death will not have been in vain-- to adopt a gospel-centered lifestyle, his lifestyle, that maximizes its benefit.

Our Heavenly Father has given us this life so that we might have the chance to walk a mile in his shoes. Wearing bodies of flesh and blood and burdened with the cares of the world, we are given the opportunity to experience what faith feels like. If we will choose to take up our cross and press forward with faith in every footstep, we will learn to be spiritually minded, to have charity, to seek learning by study and by faith, and to serve others even when we are struggling. In short, by coming to know God, our Eternal Father, and Jesus Christ, whom he has sent, we learn to be like him and to live an eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God.

Five Quotes on Families

Many of the grand structures of the world are the large stone and brick buildings left to us by ancestors that lived hundreds and sometimes thousands of years ago. The Garni Temple in Armenia, the pyramids of Egypt, the castles and cathedrals of Europe and the palace at Palenque are just a few examples of constructions that have stood through hundreds of years of harsh weather, fierce warfare and other forces that have brought the demise of those around them.

In each case, these buildings are planned and constructed around a single stone known as the foundation stone or chief cornerstone. The foundation stone is usually not visible to those admiring magnificent ancient structures, but it is the first stone laid and the most important for the strength of the building.

Families are the chief cornerstones of our societies. It is through families, centered on marriage, that rising generations learn the value of freedom, love, discipline, tolerance, rights, responsibilities and human worth. In families we are introduced to God, have our first experiences with other people and begin to experience truth in action. When marriages and families break down, communities are weakened, governments become less effective and societies face a growing risk of collapse.

For many of the same reasons, families are also at the center of God's plan for us and each of our eternal destinies. We lived with our heavenly family before this life, we are born into families on Earth, and God allows us to live with our earthly families throughout eternity if we enter into sacred covenants such as marriage and keep His commandments. If we construct our lives around the covenants and values that unite our families they can be a great and enduring strength to us.

What follows are five quotes from modern-day prophets to help us all as we attempt to build and strengthen our families and all they support. Each of these quotes are included in Elder L. Tom Perry's book, Family Ties: A Message for Fathers.

The first quote on families comes from President Spencer W. Kimball, who shared with us the recipe for success in married life:

The formula is simple; the ingredients are few, though there are many amplifications of each.

First, there must be the proper approach toward marriage, which contemplates the selection of a spouse who reaches as nearly as possible the pinnacle of perfection in all the matters that are of importance to the individuals. Then those two parties must come to the altar in the temple realizing that they must work hard toward this successful joint living.

Second, there must be great unselfishness, forgetting self and directing all of the family life and all pertaining thereunto to the good of the family, and subjugating self.

Third, there must be continued courting and expressions of affection, kindness and consideration to keep love alive and growing.

Fourth, there must be complete living of the commandments of the Lord as defined in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Speaking to men, Elder L. Tom Perry taught that too many marriages suffer from unrighteous leadership. Reminding us all that the Lord's way is the way of persuasion, gentleness, meekness and love, he taught:

Your wife is your companion, your best friend, your full partner. The Lord has blessed her with great potential, talent, and ability. She, too, must be given the opportunity for self-expression and development. Her happiness should be your greatest concern. Learn how to magnify both your roles in order that both husband and wife can be found having fulfilling and happy lives together. Brethren, your first and most responsible role in life and in the eternities is to be a righteous husband.

Brigham Young added:

Our families are not yet ours. The Lord has committed them to us to see how we will treat them. Only if we are faithful will they be given to us forever. What we do on earth determines whether or not we will be worthy to become heavenly parents.

If we will do these things-- be selfless and kind, respect and honor our spouses and live the gospel-- we can have healthy marriages and experience the strength and joy that can come from living in family units. We will be able to contribute to successful communities and prosperous or
ganizations of all kinds-- and those organizations will, in turn, be able to reinforce our families. Again from President Kimball:

Our success, individually and as a Church, will largely be determined by how faithfully we focus on living the gospel in the home. Only as we see clearly the responsibilities of each individual and the role of families and homes can we properly understand that priesthood quorums and auxiliary organizations, even wards and stakes, exist primarily to help members live the gospel in the home. Then we can understand that people are more important than programs, and that Church programs should always support and never detract from gospel-centered family activities...

All should work together to make home a place where we love to be, a place of listening and learning, a place where each member can find mutual love, support, appreciation, and encouragement.

I repeat that our success, individually and as a Church, will largely [depend on] how faithfully we focus on living the gospel in the home.

Finally, as we make family a priority in our lives and learn from our experiences there, Brigham Young has taught that we will have a model for righteous leadership that extends to other leadership opportunities that we may encounter.

The Priesthood... is [the] perfect order and system of government, and this alone can deliver the human family from all the evils which now afflict its members, and insure them happiness and felicity hereafter.

Remnants of ancient civilizations that lost track of families are all around us. It is not enough to build buildings that will last through the ages; we must ensure that our lives are built upon the foundation stone the Lord has provided so that we may also stand in the magnificence and grace of God through the eternities ahead.

Cracks in the Sidewalk: A Family Story

The sidewalk that led the way from my childhood home to the nearby elementary school was plagued with cracks of every shape and size. Some had filled with grass or made a home for a colony of ants. Others were barren except for some crumbling cement and debris, used only to give the children that passed by one more crack to avoid if, as the game goes, they were to prevent their mothers' backs from breaking.

In the years that have passed since plodding along that sidewalk each day to school, I've learned that there are measures that can be taken to prevent a sidewalk from cracking. While things like the type of concrete or size of sidewalk blocks can make some difference, more than 90 percent of sidewalk cracks can be prevented by using a chemical sealant. Sealing a clean sidewalk creates a protective barrier that repels damaging liquids like water and motor oil while binding the concrete together to guard against extreme temperatures or invading plants.

Sealing a sidewalk has a very similar result to sealing food in cans or plastic bags. Whether at home or in a factory, canned and packaged foods are sealed in a container that keeps out the oxygen and insects that could harm or decay the food while preserving the good stuff (like homemade strawberry jam, if you're lucky). Sealing the good stuff in and the bad stuff out allows food to last much longer while retaining its nutritional value; or for a sidewalk to stay strong and smooth, as the case may be.

Two thousand years ago, before cement sidewalks or canned foods, Jesus Christ taught his disciples about a type of seal that protects and preserves our families and ourselves. To Peter the Savior promised that he would, 'give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven' (Matthew 16:19).

The sealing power promised to Peter is the ability to preserve earthly things into a heavenly sphere. Christ uses the metaphor of a key to illustrate that only those who have received the priesthood can gain access to this sealing power. Like the wax seals used on correspondence at the time, keys not only protect and preserve the contents of a room or storage chest but are also indicative of position and authority backed by a government or church (which is why many government leaders, including the president of the United States, often still stand behind a podium bearing the seal of their office when giving important speeches). Those authorized to seal in heaven and on earth act with the endorsement and backing of the Creator of the universe.

Peter, to whom Christ promised the sealing power, used this power to lead the ancient church and raised Tabitha from the dead (Acts 1-12).

Nephi, the prophet on the American continent just prior to the birth of Christ, sealed the heavens and stopped a war with the terrible famine that ensued. He called down rain to end the famine after the people had repented. He was told the sealing power could flatten a mountain at his word (Helaman 10:7-10; 11).

Elijah also used the sealing power to create a great famine and turn the people from idolatry. He raised a boy from the dead and called fire down from heaven that consumed the priests of Baal and his drowned sacrifice (1 Kings 17-18).

The most important use for the sealing power is its ability to bind together generations and create a protective barrier around us and our families. King Benjamin taught that if we would, 'be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works, that Christ, the Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you his, that you may be brought to heaven, that ye may have everlasting salvation and eternal life' (Mosiah 5:15). Embedded in the covenant of baptism is a promise to be unified with Christ in this way through our faithfulness (D&C 20:77-79).

Families are sealed together for time and for eternity in holy temples. This ordinance carries the promise that the marriage and family relationships we have on earth will be preserved into the heavenly sphere beyond the veil of death. Our marriage or sealing in the temple bears the promise of unity with God, our Heavenly Father, and that we can be united with Him and with our families for all eternity.

Elder Scott has taught that, like the seal on a cement sidewalk, 'the temple sealing has greater meaning as life unfolds. It will help you draw ever closer together and find greater joy and fulfillment in mortality' (April 2011). If we are faithful, the sealing power can bring us joy in this life and unity with our families forever after.

The sealing keys spoken of by Christ, promised to Peter and entrusted to prophets throughout the ages are on the earth today. In keeping with His pattern, God has vested these powers in his living prophet, Thomas S. Monson, who then delegates the use of these keys throughout the world. The blessings of the sealing power are readily available to us through holy temples and the priesthood authority found in the stakes of Zion.

In a figurative but nonetheless very real way, each of us walking the path of life paves a sidewalk behind us for our children and grandchildren who come after us. Before we can apply the blessings of the sealing power, we must make sure our lives are as clean as newly-poured concrete or a bottle ready for the jam. We can clean off any disqualifying and undermining spots as we repent and come unto Christ.

As we are found worthy by our bishops, as judges in Israel, and as we continue to live faithfully, we can be bound to Christ and to our families through the sealing power of the priesthood. We can be protected from the devil's assault on families and preserve our righteousness. We can pave a sidewalk for our children that is without spots or cracks that they can follow to come closer to their Savior.

Adam and Eve and Full Partnership in Marriage

After God had created all the wonders of the Earth, his last creation was a man he called Adam. Because it was not good for man to be alone, God created a woman, Eve, to be, 'an help meet for him' (Moses 3:18):

And I, the Lord God, caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and he slept, and I took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in the stead thereof; And the rib which I, the Lord God, had taken from man, made I a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said: This I know is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh (Moses 3:21-24).

In today's language, we might say that Eve was created to be 'an aid worthy of' or 'equal to' Adam, or more simply, Eve was created to be Adam's wife. This phrase, as well as many others throughout the creation passages especially, indicate the relationship of Adam and Eve was one of two corresponding parts of the same great whole. Eve is called a 'help meet' indicating her equality and similarity to Adam. A rib is used metaphorically to express how Adam and Eve fit together as if of one body. The oneness of man and woman, their cleaving to and caring for each other apart from the physical and spiritual support of parents again shows how men and women correspond to make what President Spencer W. Kimball taught is, 'a complete man, which is husband and wife' (Ensign, Mar. 1976, p. 71).

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, modern prophets teach us that it is 'by divine design' that 'both a man and a woman are essential for bringing children into mortality and providing the best setting for the rearing and nurturing of children.' A man is not physically complete without a woman, nor is a woman without a man.

Yet the completeness of a husband and wife goes far beyond the physical or procreative powers alone. A man is not spiritually complete without a woman, nor is a woman without a man (see Handbook 2: 1.3.1). The marriage covenants required for exaltation can only be accepted together (D&C 131:1-4). These are not arbitrarily imposed, but rather designed to guide us to become perfect or complete (see Matthew 5:48, footnote b). Through these covenants we become one and the same with our spouse in the eyes of God's law. Procreative acts may be the consummation of the marital covenant, but it is the covenant itself which welds our souls together.

The physical and spiritual unity of a husband and wife can create a depth of feeling beyond what we observe in any other relationship. Adam expressed the closeness he felt with Eve as if she were, "bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh'. These feelings come as we leave behind our single lives and establish our marriages as the first priority. This requires cleaving to each other, which means our striving to keep the covenants we have made to God and each other will be more important than any other person or interest.

President Kimball taught that, "Even the children must take their proper but significant place" (Ensign, Mar. 1976, p. 72). If we will dedicate the necessary time to building a healthy marriage, study after study has shown that a mother and father working together in love and unity will provide the best possible upbringing for their children. In fact, happily married couples are more productive in many aspects of their lives, not just parenting-- the interdependent whole is significantly more effective than the sum of its parts.

Understanding that a married man and women are two parts of one whole helps us see how seemingly selfish actions only damage ourselves as we indirectly attack our own souls. Unfortunately, too many only realize the depth of their spiritual connection with their spouse when it has been severed. Worse than the pain of losing an arm or a leg, divorce is a dismemberment for which there is no medication or prosthesis. Just as none of us are able to regrow a limb or even a hair of our heads without our Father in Heaven, healing after (or hopefully before) divorce can only come through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

Our first parents provided an example of a marriage that was the full partnership God intends every marriage to be. After being driven from the Garden of Eden, not unlike the way many of us eventually move away from the free rent and food of our parents' homes, Adam, 'began to till the earth... and to eat his bread by the sweat of his brow... And Eve... did labor with him' (Moses 5:1).

Elder Marion G. Romney referenced this passage when he said, 'The word with... is very significant. It means more than physical labor. It connotates a common purpose, understanding, cooperation and love.' He continued, 'Even when circumstances justify a wife's working away from home to support her family, she should be laboring 'with', not on her own nor in conflict with her husband... In Latter-day Saint families the husband and wife must be one' (Relief Society Magazine, Feb. 1968, pp. 85-86).

Adam and Eve worked together, prayed and worshiped together, sacrificed together, taught their children the gospel together, and mourned over wayward children together (see Moses 5:1, 4, 12, 27). They were united with each other and with God.

 The Family: A Proclamation to the World includes this guidance:

Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.

Despite our different roles at times, husbands and wives can enjoy full partnership with their spouse when they take care to work with each other rather than merely working near each other. We must pray together, respect each other, forgive each other and have fun together.

A full partnership means we will always have a friend with whom we can frequently counsel about the decisions and activities of our family. It means having someone by your side as you approach the Lord with your questions. It means having a therapist when you're struggling to learn and grow, a copilot when there's a long drive ahead and someone to laugh with you when you just can't hold it in any longer.

We will experience the greatest happiness in marriage when we are willing to commit all we have and are to the fidelity and success of our marriage covenants. That is, we will experience the greatest happiness in marriage when we are willing to commit all we have and are to the happiness of our spouse.

Adam and Eve, as man and wife, were unified physically and spiritually. They worked together in full partnership, progressed together down the path of life, and were recognized in the eyes of the Lord as one.

As with our first parents, so it may be with us. Each of us may become perfect or complete as we, having already become one with Christ through baptism, join ourselves by covenant to a man or woman with whom we correspond and fit together. Most often we will choose to share a common name as an outward symbol of our inward covenant. Then, working together in full partnership and having our covenants sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise, we may find joy in this life and exaltation in the world to come.

The Baptism of Jesus Christ

In the third chapter of Matthew we read of the baptism of Jesus Christ. Our Savior approached John the Baptist, his cousin, who had the priesthood authority to baptize. John had just explained to his disciples that his baptism was unto repentance and that more was to come from someone more authorized than himself.

Then cometh Jesus from Galilee to Jordan unto John, to be baptized of him. But John forbad him, saying, I have need to be baptized of thee, and comest thou to me? And Jesus answering said unto him, Suffer it to be so now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all righteousness. Then he suffered him. And Jesus, when he was baptized, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him: And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.

As John learned at the baptism of Christ, there is more to baptism than repentance only. It is true that baptism washes away our sin, but it does so because with our immersion in water we enter into a certain covenant. We promise God that we will be willing to take upon ourselves the name of Christ, always remember him and keep his commandments. God promises us the gift of the Holy Ghost.

The key phrases in that covenant are that we are willing and that we take upon ourselves the name of Christ. I've written about willingness before here. Taking upon ourselves the name of Christ includes, among other things, literally accepting his name just as a bride accepts the name of her groom. Just as the union of two people by marriage allows them to be seen legally and otherwise as one family unit, the union of individuals to Christ by baptism allows us to be seen by the laws of God as one unit together with Christ.

Our baptism is the covenant by which we can become unified with Christ and, therefore, judged as one with him if we keep the rest of the covenant, i.e. if we remain willing and obedient. As fallen men and women, each of whom has committed sin(s), this is the only way we may be judged worthy to enter God's kingdom.

That is a little different story for our Savior, Jesus Christ. Free from the burdens of sinful disobedience, he was the only person with the capacity and power to return to live with God independent of outside assistance. He did not need baptism to be clean from sin. So why was he baptized?

Christ told John he was baptized to, 'fulfil all righteousness'. Nephi had the same answer, noting only the valuable example it would provide for the rest of us:

And now, if the Lamb of God, he being holy, should have need to be baptized in water, to fulfil all righteousness, O then, how much more need have we, being unholy, to be baptized, yea, even by water!... But notwithstanding he being holy, he showeth unto the children of men that, according to the flesh he humbleth himself before the Father, and witnesseth unto the Father that he would be obedient unto him in keeping the commandments (2 Nephi 31:5, 7)

Righteousness refers to actions that are justified with or pleasing to God. The opposite of sin, righteousness simply means acting according to the will of God. Fulfilling all righteousness would then be doing everything according to the will of God. It is perfect righteousness.

Christ completed his mission to fulfill all righteousness. Even in the excruciating moments of Gethsemane, he prayed, 'O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done' (Matthew 26:42). He did everything God asked of Him-- yet, that doesn't seem to completely explain why a perfect man, our Creator and Savior, was baptized.

Perhaps Christ was not baptized for repentance, but rather to enter into the same covenant that we do when we are baptized. A bride cannot be married if the groom is not present. Perhaps he covenanted with God to give his name to us-- even to suffer, bleed and die for us-- if we would be willing to accept it through our individual faith, repentance, baptism, gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end. As a bride and groom entering the marriage covenant, perhaps Christ was baptized because He loves us dearly and wants to help and guide and provide for us.

These are only my thoughts, so perhaps some caution would be wise. Yet in them reside a few certain truths: Jesus Christ is our Savior and our perfect example, he was baptized by immersion by someone authorized to do so, he loves each of us and he wants us to return to live with our Heavenly Father. This can only happen if we follow his example:

And whoso believeth in me, and is baptized, the same shall be saved; and they are they who shall inherit the kingdom of God. And whoso believeth not in me, and is not baptized, shall be damned. Verily, verily, I say unto you, that this is my doctrine, and I bear record of it from the Father (3 Nephi 11: 33-35).