Happiness and Joy

Immediately following the death of Lehi, Nephi records that he "did cry much unto the Lord... because of the anger of my brethren. But behold, their anger did increase against me, insomuch that they did seek to take away my life" (2 Nephi 5:1-2). The Lord had fought many battles for Nephi with his brothers, and developed Nephi's faith and capability in the process, but now he warned Nephi in a dream that it was time to leave.

As Nephi and his followers fled the land of their first inheritance and began to build a new community, they worked hard with their hands and learned many different trades. They established a government to serve the people and provide for their defense. They studied the brass plates, established a church, and built a temple. They had children and raised their families in righteousness. In other words, Nephi records that his people "lived after the manner of happiness"  (2 Nephi 5:10-18, 26).

Clearly, the first Nephites did not have much time to sit on the beach sipping pina coladas, but they did experience three things that modern researchers (like Dr. Arthur Brooks, the Harvard professor and happiness researcher who I will paraphrase here) have found to be critical for our happiness: enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose. Importantly, all of these elements of happiness also require a degree of unhappiness.

Enjoyment, for example, is the sum of pleasure, communion, and consciousness. Pleasure alone is animal-- fleeting and solitary functions of our limbic brain. All addictions are about pleasure. But enjoyment includes others. It includes memory. As Dr. Brooks notes, eating a freshly-baked turkey may give us pleasure, but making a memory with our family over a Thanksgiving dinner can bring enjoyment that contributes to our happiness.

Because no one element of enjoyment is sufficient on its own, it requires self-restraint to forego solitary or purely carnal pleasures in favor of those that build relationships and shared experience. Discipline can be uncomfortable and even unhappy at times, but faithful endurance through unhappy moments ultimately yields greater happiness.

Similarly, the satisfaction we experience from achievement requires the work and sacrifice to achieve. Ongoing satisfaction means continuing to work and sacrifice to reach new achievements while also being patient, grateful and content. 

Purpose in life is very often related to the suffering we experience. In the words of Viktor Frankl, "To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering."

The Nephites seemed to understand that happiness and unhappiness are not mutually exclusive or contradictory. We can experience both at the same time or in rapid succession. Neither is a permanent destination, but rather a direction or focus of our lives at a given moment. Emotions can give us information about how we are doing, but happiness is more than an emotion or mood at a given moment. Happy feelings are like the smell of something fresh out of the oven: while they provide some evidence of a feast, they are not the feast itself. We can receive bad news that makes us feel sad and still have a sense of positive overall happiness. Whatever our feelings in a given moment, we can experience an abiding happiness that comes from the enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose we have in life.

Five hundred years after Nephi fled from his brothers, we see these principles in action again. The much larger Nephite nation was engaged in a war in which their rival had sworn an oath to drink the blood of their leader, Captain Moroni. The Nephites worked feverishly to build new cities and fortify them with mounds of earth, wooden walls, pickets, and guard towers. There were conflicts on the battlefield and spiritual battles to strengthen the faith of the people. With unity of purpose and achievement, "there never was a happier time among the people of Nephi, since the days of Nephi, than in the days of Moroni" (Alma 50:23).

Most of us aspire to find happiness in life. We are inspired by those who find that happiness even amid the most challenging circumstances. But our happiness isn't actually found, per se. It is a natural consequences of the choices we make. Each of us can make choices today that will enhance our enjoyment, satisfaction, sense of purpose, and overall happiness in the future. We can choose to be disciplined, include others, be grateful, and work hard. Life provides an ample supply of suffering without seeking more, but we choose whether our suffering will tear us down or build us up.

For the Nephites at war, faith in Christ elevated their happiness above their circumstances. "Those who were faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord," the scripture records, "were delivered at all times" (Alma 50:22).

Lehi taught his son Jacob that greater happiness is not only available, but also a core purpose for our lives on earth. "Adam fell that men might be," he taught, "And men [and women] are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25).

Joy is a gift of the spirit that comes to the faithful for intentionally trying to live a righteous life. It is a preview of the greater, more fulfilling, and lasting happiness the faithful will experience in the presence of God (2 Ne. 9:18; Mosiah 2:41; D&C 93:33-34). The For Strength of Youth guide explains that "joy is not the absence of sorrow in your life; [it is] the presence of Christ in your life" (see also D&C 101:36). President Nelson taught that the joy we feel has more to do with our focus than our circumstances. We can receive "an intensity, depth, and breadth of joy that defy human logic or mortal comprehension" as we "'[look] unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith' 'in every thought.'"

This is the experience of Alma the Younger. Confronted by an angel for his efforts to the destroy the church of God, Alma was "racked with eternal torment," his "soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree" and "tormented with the pains of hell" (Alma 36:12-13). After three days, he remembered that his father had taught the people about Jesus Christ. "Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me... And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!" (Alma 36:17-20).

President Nelson expounded, "As our Savior becomes more and more real to us and as we plead for His joy to be given to us, our joy will increase. ... When we choose Heavenly Father to be our God and when we can feel the Savior's Atonement working in our lives, we will be filled with joy. Every time we nurture our spouse and guide our children, every time we forgive someone or ask for forgiveness, we can feel joy. Every day that you and I choose to live celestial laws, every day that we keep our covenants and help others do the same, joy will be ours" (Joy and Spiritual Survival, October 2016).

We do not earn or deserve joy, but the Lord does require us to participate in it, much like He requires effort to enjoy the blessings of sunlight. The sun does not rise because we are owed payment; yet, it is there every day and available to those who are willing to open the windows, or better yet, go outside and stay long enough to feel its warmth and be guided by its light.

Like Alma, the people of Nephi, and the Nephites in the days of Captain Moroni, participating in the gift of joy includes turning toward our Savior, aligning our will with His, and showing genuine intent and desire to live the gospel. Sometimes effort is required to expand our capacity so that we can receive the gift the Lord has for us. As we open the door for our Savior, he fills us with joy through the grace and power of His infinite Atonement.

Similar participation is required for other spiritual gifts. We often speak of the peace we feel in the temple; but that peace comes as we serve, performing temple work and turning our hearts to God. The Lord offers rest to those who labor and are heavy laden, but labor is prerequisite and leads to a new kind of work where we are yoked together with the Savior (Matthew 11:28-30). We can know the truth of all things, but we must study and pray with real intent (Moroni 10:3-5). Even the redemption made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ was preceded by the participation of Adam and Eve in the Fall.

"Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy." 

There will be days when we can rest and recover with literal or metaphorical pina coladas, but most of our lives will be filled with work, family responsibilities, church responsibilities, and challenges of every kind. Even so, we can experience happiness parallel to our struggles through shared moments of enjoyment, disciplined satisfaction, and the deeper sense of purpose that comes from personal sacrifice. 

Because of Jesus Christ, our happiness can be magnified until our souls are filled with joy. As President Nelson taught, "When the focus of our lives is on God's plan of salvation ... and Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening-- or not happening-- in our lives." When we choose to fully participate in our lives and in His gospel, with our focus centered on Christ, we can live "after the manner of happiness" and experience a measure of heaven on earth.

Finding Swing

It is awesome, in the true sense of that word, to watch Olympic athletes compete in swimming, gymnastics, track, basketball, volleyball, and all of the other events. One of the events that I will watch a little closer this year is rowing.

Honestly, I wasn’t particularly interested in rowing until I read the book The Boys in the Boat that was recently made into a movie. That story follows the 1936 men’s rowing team from the University of Washington, which seemed to have every disadvantage. They were from working class families in small lumber and mining towns and didn’t have the resources of their competition. Many of the team were new to rowing and no one outside of the team believed they could win. Despite the disadvantages, Washington beat the elite teams at Navy and Cal to represent the United States at the Olympics in Germany.

Adolf Hitler saw the 1936 Olympics as an opportunity to prove Aryan supremacy and German dominance to the world. On the day of the final race, with Hitler looking on, German officials decided that the slowest qualifiers—Germany and Italy—should be in the most protected lanes. The American team would have the roughest water, some of the team members had become seriously ill, and the wind made it difficult to hear the coxswain who shouted instructions from the front of the boat. But during the race, something happened that rowers call “swing.” The book describes it this way:

There is a thing that sometimes happens that is hard to achieve and hard to define. It’s called “swing.” It happens only when all are rowing in such perfect unison that not a single action is out of sync.

Rowers must rein in their fierce independence and at the same time hold true to their individual capabilities. Races are not won by clones. Good crews are good blends—someone to lead the charge, someone to hold something in reserve, someone to fight the fight, someone to make peace. No rower is more valuable than another, all are assets to the boat, but if they are to row well together, each must adjust to the needs and capabilities of the others—the shorter-armed person reaching a little farther, the longer-armed person pulling in just a bit.

Differences can be turned to advantage instead of disadvantage. Only then will it feel as if the boat is moving on its own. Only then does pain entirely give way to exultation. Good “swing” feels like poetry. 

The members of that team describe those moments of “swing” as a holy experience that meant even more than winning Olympic Gold. That lingering feeling stayed with them all of their lives.

There are at least four ways the Lord has invited us to have swing in our lives. We are to be one with ourselves, one with our spouses, one with God, and one with our fellowman.

Elder Packer once told of a severe winter in Utah when deep snow had driven the deer very low into some of the valleys. Seeing that the deer were out of their natural habitat, some well-meaning agencies tried to respond by bringing in hay for the deer to eat. Unfortunately, many of the deer were later found dead. Those who handled the animals afterward said that the deer had starved to death with stomachs full of hay. The deer had been fed, but they had not been nourished and the hay they could not digest left no room for the nutrition they needed to survive.

In a similar way, there are influences all around us that try to fill us with messages that can starve our souls and distract us from those things that would bring genuine physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. We are encouraged to incur debt to “live our best life” and appear more prosperous than we really are. There is an abundance of food that is more harmful than helpful to our bodies. Tribalized news is on every channel to feed our individual and collective confirmation biases and maintain a constant sense of righteous indignation. There is an endless supply of games and other virtual experiences that give us fake successes and a hollow kind of confidence as imaginary sports superstars, army snipers, farm managers, and even city managers. We hear of people who look for love and connection online only to learn their affections were based on false representations. Despite the volume, there is little nourishment in these offerings. They are literally unbelievable.

“The Lord knows who we really are, what we really think, what we really do, and who we are really becoming” (Bednar, Things as They Really Are, June 2010).  As spirit sons and daughters of God, the Family proclamation says we “accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize [our] divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.”

The scriptures and living prophets have taught us that we will experience greater joy in our lives when there is high fidelity between who we really are and the person we are being on the outside. Being one with ourselves includes focusing on what is real—real opportunities to share a hug or serve a neighbor, real achievements as we strive toward personal and family goals, real food including vegetables, fruits, and whole grains, real prosperity through self-reliance, and the reality of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the redemptive and enabling power it can bring into our lives. We should be the same person alone, at home, at work, online, with friends, and in public. Having swing in our lives requires us to spend time with ourselves, evaluate how we are doing from time to time, see how we have changed, and make plans and goals to help us grow into our full and divine potential.

Steven Covey wrote in his popular 7 Habits book about a cycle of maturity that we all experience. As children, we are dependent on others for everything. As teenagers and young adults, we become independent and able to provide for our own needs. When we then surrender our independence to become interdependent with another person, the results are consistently greater than the sum of the parts.

The City of Enoch experienced interdependence on a societal scale. As they lived the law of consecration, they were able to completely eliminate all poverty from their community. Spiritual interdependence facilitated such righteousness, such harmony and “swing,” that the entire city was taken from the earth and promoted, as it were, to a terrestrial world.

Our marriages are intended to be interdependent, exalting relationships like the City of Enoch. Elder Bednar has taught:

By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fulness of glory. Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other. “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Cor. 11:11; emphasis added).

Our First Parents provided an example of the full partnership God intends every marriage to be. After being driven from the Garden of Eden, and the free rent and food provided there, Adam, “began to till the earth... and to eat his bread by the sweat of his brow... And Eve... did labor with him” (Moses 5:1).

Elder Marion G. Romney referenced this passage when he said, “The word with... is very significant. It means more than physical labor. It connotates a common purpose, understanding, cooperation and love… In Latter-day Saint families the husband and wife must be one.”

Despite our different roles at times, husbands and wives can enjoy full partnership with their spouse when they take care to work with each other rather than merely working near each other. The Family Proclamation counsels couples to pray together, respect each other, forgive one another, have fun together, and help one another as equal partners.

When Tara and I were married, she had already graduated from BYU and was teaching at a nearby elementary school. She had a newer car, a rented duplex, and minimal debt. I, on the other hand, was sleeping on a buddy’s couch with no car and a growing collection of student loans.

With our marriage, we became a family unit. In the spirit of consecration, each of us gave what we had to our newly-formed family. I became a proud co-owner of a little white Hyundai and the folks at the student loan office were suddenly very interested in Tara’s contact information.

A similar thing happens to us on the day we step into the waters of baptism. When we are baptized, we covenant with the Lord that we will always be willing to keep his commandments, remember him and take his name upon ourselves like a bride takes the name of her groom. In other words, we covenant that we are willing to be one entity with our Savior in the eyes of eternal law.

In the spirit of consecration, we give our debt of sin and imperfection to the newly-formed entity. At the same time, the Lord offers up his wealth of grace available through his infinite Atonement. Imagining for a moment that we could measure our sin with a number, the principles of mathematics tell us that it does not matter whether that number is negative six or negative six hundred trillion. Both of these numbers are equally imperfect and yet, when added to a perfect and infinite Atonement, both numbers are completely wiped out. Negative six plus infinity is infinity. Negative six hundred trillion plus infinity is infinity. In this way, though we are not perfect, each of us can be declared perfect as a consequence of our unity with our perfect Savior, made possible through a covenant or contract that is valid in the sight of eternal law, making us joint-heirs with Christ of all the Father has (Romans 8:17).

Our covenant agreement with the Lord requires us to work with Him in the same way that Eve worked with Adam. With an eye single to the glory of God, we must rein in our fierce independence, and the natural man, and at the same time hold true to our individual capabilities to do good and accomplish the mission the Lord has in store for us.

Elder Uchtdorf has taught:

Our relationship with God is most sacred and vital. We are His spirit children. He is our Father. He desires our happiness. As we seek Him, as we learn of His Son, Jesus Christ, as we open our hearts to the influence of the Holy Spirit, our lives become more stable and secure. We experience greater peace, joy, and fulfillment as we give our best to live according to God's eternal plan and keep his commandments.

We improve our relationship with our Heavenly Father by learning of Him, by communing with Him, by repenting of our sins, and by actively following Jesus Christ... To strengthen our relationship with God, we need some meaningful alone time with Him. Quietly focusing on daily personal prayer and scripture study, always aiming to be worthy of a current temple recommend-- these will be some wise investments of our time and efforts to draw closer to our Heavenly Father.

The kind of prayer that builds unity with God comes from the depths of our souls. It requires self-reflection and studying our thoughts, desires, and decisions before we approach the Lord. Elder Porter once taught that “God knows our innermost thoughts and feelings even better than we do, but as we learn to share them with Him, we make it possible for His Spirit to enter our souls and teach us more about our own selves and about the nature of God. By making ourselves totally honest, open, and submissive before God, our hearts become more receptive to His counsel and His will.”  In other words, as we spend time in heartfelt prayer, we can become one in purpose with our Heavenly Father.

As we open our hearts to the will of God, and strive to become one with Him, He will teach us about two gospels. The first is a preparatory gospel that focuses on learning obedience and receiving the blessings promised for our faithfulness. The preparatory gospel builds the foundation for our testimony with checklists and formulas to guide our obedient lives, deal with perceived scarcity, and do our duty.

In the Aaronic or Preparatory Priesthood, for example, prayers for the sacrament and baptism are provided verbatim. The Law of Tithing is a preparatory law that prescribes an amount to give back to the Lord-- no more, no less-- and is often associated with specific blessings for our obedience. In Primary we learn formulas that help us know how to say a prayer and how to repent of our sins. The former Boy Scouts and Young Women Personal Progress programs outlined specific actions that, if completed, earned merit badges or medallions or other external recognitions that were indicative of our progress and development. Prior home and visiting teaching efforts were also somewhat scripted with a monthly message in the Ensign and a leader calling at the end of each month to see if you had made the visits you were assigned.

Parallel to the preparatory gospel is a second phase of learning and development we might call the "higher law" or the "fullness of the gospel". The principles of the gospel in this phase build upon and are inseparably connected with those of the preparatory gospel, yet here our discipleship is no longer transactional. We still obey the commandments with all of our hearts, but we do so because we love the Lord more than we expect a blessing. We learn to give without expecting anything in return because we love God's children and want to bless their lives (see John 13:34-35).

In the higher law, we abandon the checklists and formulas that sometimes lead to unrighteous judgements of others or assumptions that only a few of God's children will be saved. In their place, we learn to follow promptings of the spirit and act on the circumstances of the moment. We come to know the abundance of the Lord: that He who multiplied the loaves and fishes has blessings and salvation for "all the works of his hands" (D&C 76:43) and He has asked us to return to Him in groups.

Just as obedience is the appropriate focus of the preparatory gospel, with 613 commandments in the Law of Moses to practice that obedience, the fullness of the gospel, the Law of Christ, highlights only two: to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-40). When two holders of the Melchizedek Priesthood lay their hands on someone's head to give them a blessing, demonstrating this love for God and their fellow man, the spirit guides their words accordingly. We are all likewise called to practice loving others and following the resulting promptings of the spirit as we gather together at church and as families, minister to one another, set goals with our children and youth, and begin to live the law of consecration with our time, talents, and resources.

Ultimately, we cannot be one with God without also striving to be of one heart and one mind with those around us. If God loves His children, and I testify that he does, than one way to be one with him is to strive to love those same children of our Heavenly Father. 

As he introduced the transition from home and visiting teaching to ministering, Elder Holland said:

Brothers and sisters, we have a heaven-sent opportunity as an entire Church to demonstrate ‘pure religion … undefiled before God’—'to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light’ and to ‘comfort those that stand in need of comfort,’ to minister to the widows and the fatherless, the married and the single, the strong and the distraught, the downtrodden and the robust, the happy and the sad—in short, all of us, every one of us, because we all need to feel the warm hand of friendship and hear the firm declaration of faith… As [we do so,] we lift our spiritual eyes toward living the law of love more universally."]

Can you imagine a society where each of us was one with ourselves, one with our spouses, one with God, and one with our fellowman? A society where we all brought our talents and experiences into perfect swing? I feel like I can only start to glimpse what that might be like and it is awesome in the truest sense of that word.

The Church Did Meet Together Oft

In April 2020, I found myself kneeling in my own living room to bless the sacrament for my family. The first national pandemic in 100 years had cancelled Church services indefinitely, but in that room there was only peace. As I passed a plate of broken bread and then small medicine cups of water to my children, I had a new understanding of the love God has for each member of his family. It was the first of many spiritual moments that came as I heard my children share their testimonies, provided sacrament service, and shared teaching the gospel with greater depth and breadth than most episodes of family scripture study had ever allowed.

Then churches began to open again. We were reminded of some of the drama that comes with any group of people. Friends and neighbors commented how nice it was to not have church at all for several months. Staring at the dress shoes we hadn't worn for months, we wondered: why does the Lord command us to go to church each week?

Perhaps Moroni knew something of what we were feeling. Hunted by his enemies, Moroni was the last of the faithful in the Book of Mormon. Isolated with only his thoughts, he wandered "whithersoever [he could] for the safety of [his] life" (Moroni 1:3). When he had evaded the Lamanites longer than he expected, Moroni decided to risk the noise of pounding a few more words into plates of gold "that perhaps they may be of worth unto my brethren, the Lamanites, in some future day" (Moroni 1:4).

After writing about how to perform certain ordinances, Moroni records that the names of those who were baptized and confirmed "were taken, that they might be remembered and nourished by the good word of God, to keep them in the right way, to keep them continually watchful unto prayer, relying alone upon the merits of Christ, who was the author and finisher of their faith" (Moroni 6:4).

He continued, "And the church did meet together oft, to fast and to pray, and to speak with one another concerning the welfare of their souls. And they did meet together oft to partake of bread and wine, in remembrance of the Lord Jesus" (Moroni 6:5-6).

Moroni knew, by doctrine and by experience, that the gospel cannot be lived alone. It requires giving and receiving. It needs others to forgive and to ask forgiveness. Sometimes our ability to grow in the gospel will hinge on exiting the echo chambers of our own thoughts or pausing our own self-centeredness to serve someone else. Essential gospel ordinances can only be performed for others; we cannot baptize or confirm or endow ourselves. Indeed, the highest goals of the gospel are to become bound to our families, to the greater human family, and to our Heavenly Father.

Elder Robert D. Hales taught, "When you attempt to live life's experiences alone, you are not being true to yourself, nor to your basic mission in life." Just as we do not return to live with our Heavenly Father alone, the gospel intentionally gathers the faithful to learn, serve, rely, gather and strengthen one another.

In every generation, the Lord has taught his children that church attendance is an essential part of gospel unity and togetherness. The Law of Moses admonishes the Israelites to "keep my sabbaths and reverence my sanctuary" with a promise that, in so doing, "I [the Lord] will walk among you and will be your God and ye shall be my people" (Leviticus 26:1-12). Nehemiah described the children of Israel "assembled with fasting" to confess their sins and read the scriptures (Nehemiah 9:1-3). Joel relayed the Lord's commandment in his time to, "Sanctify ye a fast, call a solemn assembly, gather the elders and all the inhabitants of the land in to the house of the Lord your God, and cry unto the Lord" (Joel 1:14). King David also taught the Israelites to worship in congregations, "And all the congregation blessed the Lord God of their fathers and bowed down their heads, and worshipped the Lord" (1 Chronicles 29:20-21).

Those who walked and talked with Christ were no less diligent and "came together" on the first day of the week to "break bread" and partake of the sacrament (Acts 20:7). Paul wrote to the members of the ancient church in Israel that they should draw near to the Lord, hold fast the profession of faith without wavering, and "consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another" (Hebrews 10:22-25).

Just as Moroni was willing to risk his life to write a few words about the importance of gathering, the prophet Alma, who lived five hundred years earlier, risked his life for the right to gather the faithful. Alma believed the prophet Abinadi and fled with other believers from a wicked king. Once hidden, the scriptures record that "he commanded [the faithful] that they should observe the sabbath day, and keep it holy, and also every day they should give thanks to the Lord their God... And there was one day in every week that was set apart that they should gather themselves together to teach the people, and to worship the Lord their God, and also, as often as it was in their power, to assemble themselves together" (Mosiah 18:25, 27).

Years later, out of hiding and rejoined with the Nephite nation, Alma resigned his post as chief judge to focus on his ecclesiastical responsibilities as the prophet and president of the church. In the capital city where he lived, disorganization and a lack of clear communication to the congregations had resulted in some members being "deprived of the privilege of assembling themselves together to hear the word of God" (Alma 6:5).

Alma reorganized church leadership, cleaned up the church records and ensured that "the word of God was liberal unto all" (Alma 6:1-5). Gospel messages were now in everyone's newsfeed, as it were, but it was not enough. These members also needed to be remembered, nourished by the good word of God, and concerned with the welfare of one another's souls. Alma records that, despite the accessibility to the word of God, "the children of God were commanded that they should gather themselves together oft, and join in fasting and mighty prayer in behalf of the welfare of the souls who knew not God" (Alma 6:6).

The Lord has renewed his commandment for the faithful to meet together often "to partake of bread and wine in the remembrance of the Lord Jesus". Describing these meetings as expedient to the organization of the Church (D&C 20:75), he expounds:

And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day; For verily this is a day appointed unto you to rest from your labors, and to pay thy devotions unto the Most High; Nevertheless thy vows shall be offered up in righteousness on all days and at all times; But remember that on this, the Lord's day, thou shalt offer thine oblations and thy sacraments unto the Most High, confessing thy sins unto thy brethren, and before the Lord.

And on this day thou shalt do none other thing, only let thy food be prepared with singleness of heart that thy fasting may be perfect, or, in other words, that thy joy may be full. Verily, this is fasting and prayer, or in other words, rejoicing and prayer. And inasmuch as ye do these things with thanksgiving, with cheerful hearts and countenances, not with much laughter, for this is sin, but with a glad heart and a cheerful countenance-- Verily I say, that inasmuch as ye do this, the fulness of the earth is yours... to strengthen the body and to enliven the soul." (D&C 59:9-19).

Moroni knew perhaps better than anyone that living the gospel is not something that can be done solo. We need to be remembered and nourished by the good word of God to keep us in the right way, continually watchful unto prayer, and relying upon the merits of Christ. We need the strength of others to help us flee from wickedness and find sanctuary in gospel truths. We need the ordinance of the sacrament, the opportunities to fast for each other, and even some encounters with sharp edges to help  smooth some of our own rough spots and keep ourselves more unspotted from the world.

The experiences our family had while worshipping at home will always be precious memories. We are grateful for prophets, seers and revelators that prepared us for these experiences by various means. In the tumult of the world, it seems possible that worshipping from home may be necessary again someday. Until then, it is a privilege to live the gospel more fully in the company of his disciples.

The Strength of Unity

Prepared as a Sacrament Meeting talk and given on July 15, 2018

Last summer included one of the unique experiences of my life. While the Detwiler Fire was becoming the largest wildfire in our county’s history—burning more than 80,000 acres and taking 74 homes-- I was stationed in the Emergency Operations Center. The Emergency Operations Center does everything except respond to a disaster. This is where a limited number of staff are making sure firefighters are fed, disabled residents are getting help to evacuate and recovery efforts are underway from the first day. It is a government operation, so you have to expect a few acronyms are involved—we call it the EOC for short.

A couple of things made working in the EOC a unique experience. First, normal organizational hierarchy is suspended. There are no bosses or subordinates in a traditional sense and it doesn’t matter what you do in your day job or where you normally do it. There’s no time for drama or office politics. Each person has an assignment and everyone depends on everyone else to get the job done.

Normal organizational rules are also suspended. For two weeks, it didn’t take committee deliberations and public meetings to make a decision. I didn’t receive a single request to meet with a union before work could continue. The EOC is authorized to do what needs to be done. Fortunately or unfortunately, doing what needs to be done also tends to include very long hours without many opportunities to take a break or slow the pace. In fact, one of the assignments is for someone to get food for the rest of the EOC staff so they can keep working.

Now, perhaps some of you are thinking that casual relationships and loose rules are no way to run an operation. And much of the time, I might agree with you. But I also observed some behavior that taught me a great deal about the principle I’ve been asked to discuss today. I’ll share three quick anecdotes.

On the morning of the second day, it was becoming clear that we would need more staff in the EOC to support the more than 5,000 firefighters that had arrived or were on their way. I texted the department directors and asked for five volunteer clerical staff to work 12-hour shifts in the EOC with no mention of overtime. In less than five minutes, I had seven volunteers on the way.

A few days into the fire, I noticed that one of the department directors assigned to the EOC was smiling more than usual. When I asked about it later, I was told that they had been so bogged down with administrative duties that they felt like they had almost forgotten why they entered public service in the first place. Though a tragic event, the opportunity to directly serve the people of our county was rekindling all of the positive feelings that drove them to public service in the first place. They felt privileged to be doing something that would make a positive difference for their community.

Shortly after we returned to normal operations, one of the EOC staff who responded that second day related to me what a positive experience they had. They told me that working for the County had always just been a job before, but now they wanted to make a career in public service. This employee enrolled in an online bachelor’s program shortly thereafter and is already making plans for a master’s degree when that is done.

These experiences, and dozens more like them, left me with a question. What is it about two weeks of casual work relationships and loose rules that makes seven people drop everything, an accomplished director love their job again and an already stellar employee recognize there’s even more they could be doing? A year later, almost to the day, why is the EOC still the most mentioned positive experience when I ask my team about their work?

As I’ve asked these questions, many of those that participated in that EOC echo the words of one of our Founding Fathers, Thomas Paine, who wrote that it is “not in numbers but in unity that our great strength lies.”

In the days of the prophet Enoch, the city of Zion was unbeatable. The scriptures record that “so great was the faith of Enoch” that he used earthquakes, moved rivers and mountains and called lions out of the wilderness to fight their battles for them. The enemies of Zion, including the giants upon the land in those days, were so intimidated by the strength and glory of Zion that they scrambled away to a newly-formed island where they hoped they would be safe.

And how does the Lord describe the people of Zion? As ferocious? Of superior education or training regimen, perhaps? Or as a peaceful, giving and united people? “And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them… and lo, Zion, in process of time, was taken up into heaven. And the Lord said unto Enoch: Behold mine abode forever” (Moses 7:18, 21).

The Lord wants each of us to enjoy great strength and so he commands that we be One in at least four different ways: one with ourselves, one with our spouses, one with Him, and one with our fellow Saints. Each of these is important for our salvation.

First, we must be one with ourselves. The people of Enoch were “of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness.” The Lord has warned that we “cannot serve God and mammon” and that he spews out the lukewarm because it is neither hot nor cold.

I recently read an interview of Wendell Berry, who is a farmer, poet, novelist and a sort of philosopher of the land. He was asked in the interview if farming was more of an art or a science. He replied, “To farm you have to know, which is science, and you have to do, which is art. In practice,” he continued, “it is impossible to draw a straight or firm line between knowing and doing. When this line is drawn… it is at best tentative and suppositional, at worst false.”

None of us would imagine that we could stop watering or weeding our gardens and get the same results. It seems too obvious to say that we cannot enjoy the fruits of our labor, literal or metaphorical, if we skip planting or harvesting. We understand quite clearly that what we know and what we do must be in sync for our garden to be successful. Yet, somehow, we don’t always seem to understand that it is the same with what we know is right and how we live our lives. Life, like farming, is a good deal of art and a good deal of science with no clear lines between the two.

The polarity and union of knowing and doing shapes our lives and our challenges. For example, sometimes we get comfortable coming to church and listening to those who have been assigned to teach us for the day. We come to expect inspiring messages and maybe a list of what we should know or what we can do; but reading a list about what we can do is not doing, so when we approach our church meetings in this way we relegate ourselves to passivity. We can come to church every week and still be little more than observers—and we can learn very little this way.

The opposite of passive observance is active participation. What the observer appreciates as valuable concepts and ideas, the participant understands as a call to action. The Lord has designed his Church as a place of activity: we sing the hymns together as “songs of the heart” (D&C 25:12), we “teach one another words of wisdom” (D&C 88:118), we volunteer for assignments and magnify the callings we are asked to perform. On occasion we have a reason to practice forgiving someone who has offended us or serving someone who needs our help. Approaching our time in church as a time of giving, rather than receiving only, not only increases our learning, but it also affects our integrity.

Integrity is “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles,” but the second definition is “the state of being whole or undivided” including “the condition of being unified, unimpaired, or sound in construction”. We are whole or undivided with ourselves when there is high fidelity between the person we know we should be and the person that we are because our knowledge of what we should be doing is consistent with what we do—or, in other words, when we are honest with others and ourselves about who we really are.

Interestingly, this is similar to a definition of the word, “perfect,” which is to be “complete, finished, or fully developed.” I submit that one way we can heed the Lord’s call to “be ye therefore perfect” (Matt. 5:48) is to be true to the person we really are, a son or daughter of the Most High God with courage to do the things we know we should. Because we cannot really give what is not real, personal integrity, or what we might also call “strength of character” or “unity of self” is prerequisite to dedication to the Lord, fidelity to our spouse and unity with others.

Next, unity with our spouse. In Matthew 19, the Pharisees attempt to trick the Savior into verbal support for no-fault divorce. “Is it lawful,” they asked, “for a man to put away his wife for every cause?” (v. 3)

Jesus answered, “Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (v. 4-6).

The unity of a married couple is recognized in our temporal law as well. When my wife and I were married, she had recently graduated from BYU. She had a full-time job teaching at a nearby elementary school, a newer car, a rented duplex and no school debts. I, on the other hand, was just starting my sophomore year of college. I had no car, I was sleeping on a buddy’s couch and since I didn’t have a fancy scholarship I had already racked up over $10,000 in student loans.

On the day we were married, we were no longer separate individuals in the eyes of the law. We became one unit: a single family. I was now the proud owner of a little white Hyundai; and with my name, My wife also received responsibility for my school loans. This is another reason why you should always date people who are smarter than you.

The same thing happens to us on the day we step into the waters of baptism. When we are baptized, we covenant with the Lord that we will always be willing to keep his commandments, remember him and take his name upon us. We take his name upon ourselves as a bride takes the name of her groom. So long as we keep that covenant, the laws of eternity recognize we who have sinned as a single entity with our Savior, who died and rose again the third day as a part of His infinite and eternal atonement. Through our baptismal covenant and the boundless grace of God, our debt of sin can be wiped out by the wealth of his grace. Each of us can be declared perfect as a consequence of our unity with our perfect Savior, making us joint-heirs with Christ of all the Father has (Romans 8:17).

Finally, the Lord commands us to be one with each other. This, of course, makes perfect sense in light of the unity introduced by the baptismal covenant. If I am bound to Christ by virtue of my baptismal covenant and you are as well by yours, then you and I are bound to each other. As Paul wrote to the Ephesians, when we are baptized we are “no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God” (Ephesians 2:19).

In the household of God, we are charged with being of one heart and one mind, dwelling in righteousness with no poor among us. We teach each other the peaceable things of the kingdom and pray to know the Lord’s will individually and collectively. A slight against another is a slight against ourselves, particularly if our offense breaks the covenant we have made. We may choose to cut ourselves off, but we cannot choose who else is in the household of God.

Likewise, service to one another is only service to our God. Such service is for our own benefit and has a multiplier effect as those we serve are strengthened, our capacity grows and the household is enhanced more than the sum of the two. No wonder the Lord would ask us now to improve our efforts to minister to one another.

Each of us brings our own gifts to the household of God. The Lord taught Joseph Smith that these gifts “are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep all my commandments, and him that seeketh so to do… And again, verily I say unto you, I would that ye should always remember, and always retain in your minds what those gifts are, that are given unto the church. For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God. To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby” (D&C 46:9-12).

Unity in each of these covenant relationships—with ourselves, with our spouse, with God and with each other—are of the upmost importance to the Lord. Each of the ten commandments address these relationships. The third commandment, “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain,” refers not only to our language, but also prohibits wasting or abandoning the strength that comes through the baptismal covenant, for example.

In many respects, a life in the household of God is a lot like what I experienced in the EOC. The staff of the EOC was unified and motivated by an urgent need to help our community; the household of God is united by the urgent need to save all mankind. Worldly status is irrelevant here—we are all equal in the sight of God. Worldly excuses are also of no use here—none of us are too old or too inadequate or too busy-- each of us has gifts that are given for the benefit of all.

When we live with integrity, being true to our real and divine identities, we will recognize that this is the greatest cause there ever was. We will prioritize service to others and be willing to drop everything to help them. Our service will bring us joy and help us smile a little more even in the worst of times. And we will undoubtedly find that there is more we can be doing, more purpose for our lives and more blessings available to us than we are currently experiencing.

What E'er Thou Art Act Well Thy Part

As a young man, President David O. McKay was called to serve a mission to Scotland. While there, he discovered a stone above the doorway of a building near Stirling Castle. The architect of the building had arranged nine symbols in a square with three rows and three columns. Each symbol represented a number and every row and every column totaled 18. On the top of the stone was the inscription, "What e'er thou art, act well thy part."

The architect of that building knew that many different materials were used to construct the building. For the building to stand the test of time, each part would need to be in its assigned place and perform its proper function. The cement foundation would need to provide a stable base on which to build; wooden beams would provide a framework of support for the walls and roof; stucco, rocks or bricks would be used to secure the building and keep out the cold; and a roof with shingles would be required to repel the rain and snow.

It is critical to the integrity of the building that each element bear the weight placed upon it. If the building were suddenly without its foundation or if one of the wooden beams were to be removed, the structure may fail. Similarly, a wooden foundation or shingles made of brick may eventually result in collapse. Each material has characteristics suited for a particular role; and it is by performing that role that the entire building has endured for hundreds of years.

This principle is true for social structures as well. Each of us has unique characteristics to contribute as we fulfill our duties and responsibilities to our families and our communities. If we are absent. give less than our best effort or abandon our responsibilities because we wish we had a different role to fill, dysfunction or even collapse may result.

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul writes that we in the church are also like the architect's building. All of us have been called to fill an important role that benefits the whole. Some are called to be apostles, others prophets or teachers, and still others are called to work miracles, learn languages, or organize and help others. Magnifying that calling glorifies the whole because every part of the building is needed.

President Gordon B. Hinckley once testified, "We are all in this great endeavor together. We are here to assist our Father in His work and His glory, 'to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man' (Moses 1:39). Your obligation is as serious in your sphere of responsibility as is my obligation in my sphere. No calling in this church is small or of little consequence. All of us in the pursuit of our duty touch the lives of others" ("This is the Work of the Master," Ensign, May 1995, 71).

To help us succeed in our individual roles, the Lord has given each of us talents, skills and characteristics to use for the benefit of the whole Church. "To one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another the word of knowledge... To another faith... to another the gifts of healing... To another the working of miracles; to another prophecy; to another discerning of spirits; to another diverse kinds of tongues; to another the interpretation of tongues" (1 Corinthians 12:8-10). We may be gifted writers or musicians, compassionate listeners, or willing volunteers who help wherever we're needed. All of these and many, many more contribute to the integrity of the whole.

We may feel like we're just a bit of grout between some bricks or a single nail on a wooden beam in the grand scheme of things. Christ, through his apostles, asks us to focus less on what we are and use our energy to fill our roles well. His glory is not served by a pile of shingles or an immense, structure-less foundation, but rather with the building of his kingdom on earth. He has given us gifts because he needs all of us, whatever we are, to act well our part.

Building Bridges

After more than a full year of preparing, including building customized boats and taking crash courses in botany, Captain Meriweather Lewis and Lieutenant William Clark led their Corps of Discovery out of Saint Charles, Missouri, in May of 1804. Their round-trip journey to the Pacific Ocean was two-and-a-half years and 8,000 miles of backbreaking work, including crossing several deep gorges and frequently being forced to carry supply-laden boats overland for a dozen miles or more to find the next river or stream.

One of the most difficult challenges for the expedition came at the Great Falls Portage of Montana in June 1805. Here all equipment and supplies, including canoes, had to be carried or pushed in makeshift wagons across 18 miles of rough terrain to avoid a dangerous stretch of falls and rapids. Many in the company had been sick with an unknown illness for over a week when they arrived at Great Falls and the crude wagons required almost constant repair. Prickly pear cactus tore through the men's moccasins and the company encountered several aggressive animals, including a grizzly bear, a wolverine, and three bull buffalo in one eventful day. Clark wrote in his journal that the dog, Seaman, was 'in a constant state of alarm with these bear and keeps barking all night', making it difficult for the men to sleep. Lewis summarized the condition of his men this way:

They are obliged to halt and rest frequently for a few minute. At every halt these poor fellow tumble down and are so much fortiegued that many of them are asleep in an instant. In short, their fatiegues are incredible; some are limping from the soreness of their feet, others faint and [are] unable to stand for a few minutes, with heat and fatiegue, yet no one complains.

The 18-mile detour took 32 days for the Corps of Discovery to complete. It included near-drownings, a violent hailstorm, a sunken boat, and five days making two replacement canoes from Cottonwood trees.

When learning about the hardships of this expedition, it is easy to find yourself musing, as President Monson once did, 'If only there were modern bridges to span the gorges of the raging waters'! Modern bridges bring incredible benefits to those they serve. A bridge over Great Falls Portage would have allowed Lewis and Clark to cross in just a minute or two, possibly leading to an easier route that would have spared a month of hardship and hastening their arrival at the Oregon Coast. Such benefits would be unlikely to come without a cost, however. With all the benefits that bridges bring to those who come behind, very often they require incredible sacrifices from their builders.

As the Corps of Discovery was making its way back to Missouri in the summer of 1806, just such a bridge builder was born in faraway Prussia (modern-day Germany). His name was Johann Augustus Roebling. He would leave everything he had behind and move to the United States in his mid-twenties to become a failure of a farmer and then a modestly successful engineer. In 1867, he began working on the designs for the iconic Brooklyn Bridge.

Just before construction on the bridge began, Roebling stood on a nearby dock completing the finishing touches on his designs. He wanted the bridge to be perfectly located and positioned to connect Brooklyn and Manhattan. While on the dock, an arriving ferry crushed his foot, requiring several toes to be amputated immediately. The surgeries were insufficient, and he died from tetanus 24 days later. His son, Washington Roebling, would take over the project and start construction on January 3, 1870.

Within a very short time of working in the caissons to build the foundation, Washington Roebling and many of the workers contracted decompression sickness. The illness left the younger Roebling paralyzed and forced him to direct the entire construction from his apartment, where he had a view of the bridge. For the next thirteen years until the bridge's completion, his wife, Emily Warren Roebling, learned engineering and served as the critical link between her husband, the architect, and the engineers on site. The bridge was opened on May 24, 1883.

The cost to build the Brooklyn Bridge was officially $15.1 million, but that is only counting dollars. Forty four people died building the bridge-- men and women-- and the number of injuries was not counted. Emily Roebling, among others, gave up nearly all of her time for 13 years, learned a new trade, cared for a paralyzed spouse, and abandoned much of what had occupied her time before to focus on the massive construction project.

Within 15 years of the bridge's completion, the population of Brooklyn doubled from 580,000 to over a million people. Brooklyn would become a borough of New York City and New York City would become a major commercial hub, something most historians argue would not have been possible in a more confined city without the Brooklyn Bridge. Still one of the largest and busiest bridges in the world today, the Brooklyn Bridge serves more than 137,000 cars and 2,700 pedestrians every day.

Just as the Brooklyn Bridge has helped New York City to thrive more than it otherwise could have, there are bridges to be built in each of our lives if we are to reach our full potential and allow our children and grandchildren to do the same. There are people with whom we need to connect or reconnect, obstacles we need to avoid, destinations we need to reach and paths we need to make easier for those coming behind us.

Few bridges rise without sacrifice. In constructing bridges to the hearts of men, we will undoubtedly be called upon to give up our prejudices in order to find common ground upon which to build. The First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles have shown us the way as they have formed a foundation of friendship with faiths that disagree or have even historically fought against the Church, erected a public policy that works across political party lines to emphasize unity and humanity, and continue to reach out to those who may not be familiar with the Church or no longer feel connected.

President Uchtdorf has explained how this is done. 'As you accept the responsibility to seek after truth with an open mind and a humble heart,' he taught, 'you will become more tolerant of others, more open to listen, more prepared to understand, more inclined to build up instead of tearing down, and you will be more willing to go where God wants you to go.'

A bridge does not connect the same place with itself, but rather links together two places or things that may be very different. As Brooklyn and Manhattan thrive separately but interdependently, so our greatest happiness lies in building bridges that unify us with others despite differences through tolerance, active listening, optimism, respect, and cooperation. Grounded by our faith in Christ, without exaggerating virtue, building bridges to the hearts of our family members, those we serve, those we live or work near, and perhaps especially those with whom we don't seem to have anything in common will enrich our lives and improve our charity.

If we are to build bridges over the waters of mediocrity and connect our present to our greatest potential, we will also very likely be asked to sacrifice our fears. The Lord himself asked us to, 'fear not even unto death' (D&C 101:36). Referencing General Stonewall Jackson's famous quote to, 'never take counsel from our fears', Elder Bednar recently taught:

To not take counsel from our fears simply means that we do not permit fear and uncertainty to determine our course in life, to affect negatively our attitudes and behavior, to influence improperly our important decisions, or to divert or distract us from all in this world that is virtuous, lovely, or of good report.

To not take counsel from our fears means that faith in the Lord Jesus Christ overrules our fears and that we can press forward with a steadfastness in Him. To not take counsel from our fears means that we trust in God's guidance, assurance, and timing in our lives.

Reaching our full potential or avoiding a particular rocky patch in our lives may require some tough decisions while we are yet a long way off and unable to see the path ahead. It may mean a change of careers or moving to a new place. It might mean proposing marriage, having another child, or facing life with something we see as a disadvantage. It might not make sense at the time, but we will build bridges that pass over unnecessary hardships as we listen and obey to the Lord and his prophets when they ask us to put aside our fears and move forward in faith. Elder Ballard has provided another example of how we build bridges when we put away our fears:

The growing prominence of the Church and the increasing inquiries from others present us with great opportunities to build bridges, make friends, and pass on accurate information... You as members can help this to happen by reaching out and sharing with others the basic information found in the Articles of Faith, along with such things as the facts, faith, families, and fruits of the gospel.

No doubt, there are bridges for each of us to be building today. There are relationships to be forged, goals to be reached, and people coming behind that will be able to go farther if we'll just prepare the way. Each bridge we set out to build will require a dedication of our time and most will only be successful if we are willing to sacrifice our pride and human frailty to trust in God and press forward with a steadfast faith in Christ.

Unlike the workers on the Brooklyn Bridge, we can speak directly to the Grand Architect of our individual bridges as we pray to our Heavenly Father with a broken heart and contrite spirit. He knows the blueprints for our bridges and can see the glorious potential of our effort. He also knows of our sacrifices-- of the metaphorical falls and rapids, sicknesses and storms, fatigues and wild animals that bar the way. He is cheering for our success and wants us all to progress along the path that leads to eternal life. He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to build the bridges along that path that were impossible for us so that we can cross the wide chasms of sin and death and return to live with Him again.

As we make our way through the untamed wilderness of life in search of the truths of His kingdom, He asks only that we follow His example and drop a few planks across a brooklet or a stream, build a few bridges of love with people different from ourselves, achieve a few things greater than ourselves, and help pave the rest of the path so we, with our descendants, can reach the safety and prosperity of His presence.

Adam and Eve and Full Partnership in Marriage

After God had created all the wonders of the Earth, his last creation was a man he called Adam. Because it was not good for man to be alone, God created a woman, Eve, to be, 'an help meet for him' (Moses 3:18):

And I, the Lord God, caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and he slept, and I took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in the stead thereof; And the rib which I, the Lord God, had taken from man, made I a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said: This I know is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh (Moses 3:21-24).

In today's language, we might say that Eve was created to be 'an aid worthy of' or 'equal to' Adam, or more simply, Eve was created to be Adam's wife. This phrase, as well as many others throughout the creation passages especially, indicate the relationship of Adam and Eve was one of two corresponding parts of the same great whole. Eve is called a 'help meet' indicating her equality and similarity to Adam. A rib is used metaphorically to express how Adam and Eve fit together as if of one body. The oneness of man and woman, their cleaving to and caring for each other apart from the physical and spiritual support of parents again shows how men and women correspond to make what President Spencer W. Kimball taught is, 'a complete man, which is husband and wife' (Ensign, Mar. 1976, p. 71).

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, modern prophets teach us that it is 'by divine design' that 'both a man and a woman are essential for bringing children into mortality and providing the best setting for the rearing and nurturing of children.' A man is not physically complete without a woman, nor is a woman without a man.

Yet the completeness of a husband and wife goes far beyond the physical or procreative powers alone. A man is not spiritually complete without a woman, nor is a woman without a man (see Handbook 2: 1.3.1). The marriage covenants required for exaltation can only be accepted together (D&C 131:1-4). These are not arbitrarily imposed, but rather designed to guide us to become perfect or complete (see Matthew 5:48, footnote b). Through these covenants we become one and the same with our spouse in the eyes of God's law. Procreative acts may be the consummation of the marital covenant, but it is the covenant itself which welds our souls together.

The physical and spiritual unity of a husband and wife can create a depth of feeling beyond what we observe in any other relationship. Adam expressed the closeness he felt with Eve as if she were, "bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh'. These feelings come as we leave behind our single lives and establish our marriages as the first priority. This requires cleaving to each other, which means our striving to keep the covenants we have made to God and each other will be more important than any other person or interest.

President Kimball taught that, "Even the children must take their proper but significant place" (Ensign, Mar. 1976, p. 72). If we will dedicate the necessary time to building a healthy marriage, study after study has shown that a mother and father working together in love and unity will provide the best possible upbringing for their children. In fact, happily married couples are more productive in many aspects of their lives, not just parenting-- the interdependent whole is significantly more effective than the sum of its parts.

Understanding that a married man and women are two parts of one whole helps us see how seemingly selfish actions only damage ourselves as we indirectly attack our own souls. Unfortunately, too many only realize the depth of their spiritual connection with their spouse when it has been severed. Worse than the pain of losing an arm or a leg, divorce is a dismemberment for which there is no medication or prosthesis. Just as none of us are able to regrow a limb or even a hair of our heads without our Father in Heaven, healing after (or hopefully before) divorce can only come through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

Our first parents provided an example of a marriage that was the full partnership God intends every marriage to be. After being driven from the Garden of Eden, not unlike the way many of us eventually move away from the free rent and food of our parents' homes, Adam, 'began to till the earth... and to eat his bread by the sweat of his brow... And Eve... did labor with him' (Moses 5:1).

Elder Marion G. Romney referenced this passage when he said, 'The word with... is very significant. It means more than physical labor. It connotates a common purpose, understanding, cooperation and love.' He continued, 'Even when circumstances justify a wife's working away from home to support her family, she should be laboring 'with', not on her own nor in conflict with her husband... In Latter-day Saint families the husband and wife must be one' (Relief Society Magazine, Feb. 1968, pp. 85-86).

Adam and Eve worked together, prayed and worshiped together, sacrificed together, taught their children the gospel together, and mourned over wayward children together (see Moses 5:1, 4, 12, 27). They were united with each other and with God.

 The Family: A Proclamation to the World includes this guidance:

Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.

Despite our different roles at times, husbands and wives can enjoy full partnership with their spouse when they take care to work with each other rather than merely working near each other. We must pray together, respect each other, forgive each other and have fun together.

A full partnership means we will always have a friend with whom we can frequently counsel about the decisions and activities of our family. It means having someone by your side as you approach the Lord with your questions. It means having a therapist when you're struggling to learn and grow, a copilot when there's a long drive ahead and someone to laugh with you when you just can't hold it in any longer.

We will experience the greatest happiness in marriage when we are willing to commit all we have and are to the fidelity and success of our marriage covenants. That is, we will experience the greatest happiness in marriage when we are willing to commit all we have and are to the happiness of our spouse.

Adam and Eve, as man and wife, were unified physically and spiritually. They worked together in full partnership, progressed together down the path of life, and were recognized in the eyes of the Lord as one.

As with our first parents, so it may be with us. Each of us may become perfect or complete as we, having already become one with Christ through baptism, join ourselves by covenant to a man or woman with whom we correspond and fit together. Most often we will choose to share a common name as an outward symbol of our inward covenant. Then, working together in full partnership and having our covenants sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise, we may find joy in this life and exaltation in the world to come.

Saved by Chastening

All of us experience the chastisement of God in our lives. Sometimes it may be that we are given a particular trial; at other times, we hear His voice in the words of scriptures or the living prophets admonishing us to do better; still other times, the Spirit of the Lord withdraws and we feel hollow or "in a funk". This is exactly as it should be.

In August of 1831, the Prophet Joseph Smith was traveling in canoes with ten elders down the Missouri River when they experienced many dangers. For at least two of the elders, these experiences were necessary before leaving on their missions. The Lord explained:

I would not suffer that ye should part until you were chastened for all your sins, that you might be one, that you might not perish in wickedness; (D&C 61:8).

Through chastisement, the Lord teaches that we may become 'one'. There are at least two ways the scripture teach we should become one. First, we become one with Christ through faith on his name, repentance, baptism by immersion for the remission of sins, and the gift of the Holy Ghost. This oneness with Christ is the only way to be saved in the Celestial Kingdom of God.

Second, by virtue of unity with Christ, we also become unified with all others who have taken his name upon them through baptism. By virtue of our unity with those around us, it becomes our best interest to build them up, support them, and help them continue down the gospel path. In so doing, we help each other to become selfless, humble and charitable, preparing each other to return to our heavenly home.

Chastisement helps us become one with Christ and one with those around us as we repent and seek to do better. In essence, the Lord told the elders with Joseph Smith that they were chastened for their sins that they might qualify for eternal life. From this viewpoint, the chastisement itself becomes less of a punishment and more an act of grace-- a blessing or an opportunity.

The Lord taught the children of Israel the benefits of chastisement also, asking them to "consider in thine heart" that the Lord chastens them as a father chastens his son. This is not intended to conjure up images of an abusive relationship, but the love and concern of a sincere parent attempting to guide his child in righteousness. To the people experiencing forty years of chastisement in the wilderness, there is great hope in the reminder that motive is their prosperity:

For the Lord thy God bringeth thee into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and depths that spring out of valleys and hills... A land wherein thou shalt eat bread without scarceness, thou shalt not lack any thing in it (Deuteronomy 8:5-10).

Understanding that the Lord's desire is to bless us, and that chastisement is one way he helps us qualify for the grandest of blessings, helps us understand the declaration found in Job:

Happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty: For he maketh sore, and bindeth up; he woundeth, and his hands make whole (Job 5:17-27).

Chastisement is not just a luxury to bring us happiness and blessings, however. The elders with Joseph Smith were warned that if they did not become one they would perish in wickedness. Reaching that level of unity requires some correction or chastisement along the way. The Lord said:

My people must be tried in all things, that they may be prepared to receive the glory that I have for them, even the glory of Zion; and he that will not bear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom (D&C 136:31).

Again, he teaches:

They must needs be chastened and tried, even as Abraham, who was commanded to offer up his only son. For all those who will not endure chastening, but deny me, cannot be sanctified (D&C 101:1-5).

We all know someone who has chosen to be offended by chastisement rather than receiving correction. At some time in our lives, each of us has chosen to be stubborn and proud at least for a period of time. By choosing not to accept God's correction, we also choose to walk the path of an unsanctified life that leads to unworthiness, to the destruction of our own souls and to sorrow.

The relevant question for each of our lives is to ask how we will respond to chastisement. Will we accept correction and strive to be one with Christ and our fellow man through obedience to the word of God? Or will we be offended and harden our hearts against the God who seeks our own prosperity?

The choice is ours, but only one option brings exaltation in the kingdom of God. If we endure chastening, even glory in it, we can hope (in the gospel sense) for the prosperity of our 'promised land'. We will be happy. We will be one with Christ and with our fellow man. And God will direct our souls back to his presence, to inherit eternal life in the Celestial Kingdom.